


Ain't That A Kick In The Head

by RandomWordsAndStormyDays



Category: Fallout 4
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Eventual Romance, Feelings, I just kept changing everyone's backstory, M/M, Nate is super supportive of everyone, Slow Burn, and by slight I mean a ton, but can't take care of himself, deacon has emotions, multiple POVs, there's some slight canon divergence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-14
Updated: 2019-06-07
Packaged: 2019-11-18 00:49:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 68,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18109946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RandomWordsAndStormyDays/pseuds/RandomWordsAndStormyDays
Summary: Nate Cooper, Sole Survivor of Vault 111, just wants to find his son. Unfortunately for him there's so much he has to do to save the Commonwealth first.-------This fic was born from my desire to impart a real timeline to the events of the game. We all know it doesn't really matter what order you complete quests in, but that's just not realistic. I did have to mess around with canon in order to make it more realistic, but the main plot of the story is still intact. I also changed a lot of the dialog because I loathe re-reading game dialog that i can practically quote. I did keep some, but I change about 80% of it.(I also am maybe just a little in love with Deacon so this is a self-indulgent fic.)This is not the first fan-fiction that I have written, but it is the first one that I've posted so please take it easy on me. I am completely and totally obsessed with Fallout so this is my attempt to channel some of that obsession into something more productive.Special thanks to my beta Stoleneyes618, without their support this fic probably would never have been posted.





	1. The End Of The World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We meet Nate and Nate meets Deacon (unknowingly).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from the song by the same name sung by the lovely Skeeter Davis.
> 
> Come say hi on Tumblr, I'm [Randomwordsandstormydays](http://randomwordsandstormydays.tumblr.com).

Nate felt a strange combination of satisfaction and disgust as he blew off the Raider’s head with his shotgun. She had been the last person him and Dogmeat needed to take care of before the new settlement at Tenpines Bluff would be safe. At least for now. It disturbed him for a moment at how easy it had become to kill, even if he was doing it to help. However, he knew that it was more than just helping. He really wanted to say that he didn’t enjoy killing raiders, feral Ghouls, and all the other monsters of the Commonwealth, but there was something therapeutic about the strain of his muscles and the smell of gunpowder that clings to his skin after a long fight.

 

The inside of the raider den was dark and Nate clicked on the light of his pip-boy in order to see easier. During fights Nate had no trouble ignoring the viscera that surrounded him. It was easy to ignore the spray of blood across his face or the smell of death and decay when there was a raider with a spiked bat aiming for his head. Afterwards, however, as the adrenaline and fear dissipated it became very apparent that he was surrounded by quickly cooling bodies.

 

Nate pulled a bandana up and over his nose and mouth, trying to keep the smell from hitting him as hard. It didn’t help much, and as he rolled over one of the raiders bodies he gagged and had to take a moment to keep from being sick. He pushed through the uncomfortable feeling and began to search for supplies.

 

He refused to call it looting.

 

He spent the next couple of minutes digging through the pockets of the bodies, looking for anything that could be of use to him. He found a few caps, a couple .308s, and some chems, he stashed them in his pockets and then whistled for Dogmeat. The German Shepherd came bounding around the corner, a teddy bear in its mouth. “Hey buddy, you find a nice toy?” He reached down and patted at his head, Dogmeat just blinked in response.

 

He had been traveling with Dogmeat since he had left the vault. Codsworth and Preston had both offered early on, but they would ask questions he either didn’t have the answers to, or that he just wasn’t ready to answer. Not to mention that they had an aversion to picking locks and breaking into places he might not technically be welcome in. Dogmeat never judged him, he couldn’t say the same about the others.

 

Nate really was grateful to Dogmeat, not just for his companionship and his inability to ask him prying questions but the German Shepard was very adept at combat. Nate often spent time wondering what he had been through and sometimes he forgot how vicious the dog was. Often times Dogmeat whined for food and affection, and then a few minutes later he’d be ripping out the throat of a feral. Nate figured that that was just how the world was now, ready to fight in an instant and without thought.

 

It was hard, adjusting to this New World. It had been just over a month since he had stumbled out of the cryo pod and still sometimes he’d pass and old coffee shop or clothing store and be hit with nostalgia so strong he felt winded. Dogmeat never asked him why he was leaning against a wall for support when he had sustained no injuries.

 

Nate recalled the first time that he had seen Nora’s law office as he stuffed his recovered items into his backpack.

 

He had been out of the vault maybe a week when he recognized the crumbling green walls and pushed his way inside. He had stumbled through the door and looked at the crumbling ceiling and water-warped floor. Memories of moments spent with Nora, lunch dates and stolen kisses, had flooded his mind and a sob had escaped from him. His hysterics had drawn the attention of a group of radroaches and Dogmeat took all of them out before they could do any real damage. Nate had felt numb, the loss of his wife had been too recent, too fresh, and being reminded of happy times and better days sent him reeling. It took Nate weeks before he could walk down that street again.

 

Nate shook his head, pushing the memories aside. He gave one last glance at the raider body in front of him and then moved onto the next one.

 

Sometimes it was lonely, Dogmeat never talked he just gave the occasional bark or growl. Nate couldn’t count the number of times he had opened him mouth to ask a question or propose an idea before he remembered that he was, technically, alone. Instead of adopting a companion or trying to make friends he had turned to distracting himself with helping the Minutemen, it meant he didn’t have to focus on his dead wife, his kidnapped son, or his crushing loneliness. Nate reckoned that it wasn’t the smartest or healthiest coping method, but it was all he had. He refused to fall into the dark hole that were chems. Nate argued with himself that at least his unhealthy coping method was helping people.

 

In the last four weeks he had helped settle and protect Sanctuary, Abernathy Farm, Red Rocket, Starlight Drive-In and Sunshine Tiding Co-op. He had poured pretty much every waking moment into building up these settlements into something to be proud of, somewhere people could live without fear of being attacked and abused. He got to know each group of people, and spent more time than necessary trying to make their lives easier. He had set up supply-lines between them so that food and water was never a problem. They called him their General.

 

When he was in the actual Military he had only made it to the rank of Sergeant, he wasn’t even an Officer. He had done his four years and got out. Anchorage was hell and once they told him his service was no longer mandatory he had left. He had spent four years trying not to die and fearing for his life, and not even a year after getting out the bombs dropped. Now here he was back in the same situation. _This time without Nora to help me get through it._

The funniest part of this whole thing was that Nate had gone four whole years trapped in a warzone and had managed not to kill anyone. That wasn’t his job back then.

 

 _It’s my only job now_. He thought. _I might be helping people, but I’m still a killer._

 

Dogmeat barked and brought him out of his thoughts. “C’mon boy, let’s get back to Tenpines, let them know that these Raiders won’t be a problem.” Dogmeat barked in agreement and followed him out the door.

 

The settlers at Tenpines were just as grateful to him as all the others, immediately offering up support for the Minutemen and any supplies that they could spare. Nate thanked them and pocketed the list of supplies they needed to fortify and build up their defenses. He would deliver it to Sturges who would travel out and start construction.

 

After stopping by Sanctuary and getting a new settlement name from Preston, Nate and Dogmeat set out for a town called Goodneighbor. One of the settlers had mentioned something about a place called the Memory Den, somewhere where you could go and relive memories of the past. Nate probably wouldn’t do something like that normally, but the longer he was out of the vault the more he seemed to lose himself. He just needed a reminder of who he was, and who he was fighting for.

 

Him and Dogmeat traveled for two days, eventually stumbling into Goodneighbor as the sun was setting. Immediately, Nate was approached by a mean looking man. He introduced himself as Finn.

 

“Walking around Goodneighbor, you’re gonna need some protection.” As he talked Finn twisted a knife in his hands. “Would hate to have an accident happen. A big bloody accident.” Nate gritted his teeth and raised his pistol to the man’s eye, Dogmeat growled down at his feet.

 

“Keep it up with this extortion racket and you’re the one that’s going to need protection.” Something akin to fear flashed behind Finn’s eyes and he raised his hands up.

 

“No need for that friend, go ahead and move along.” As Finn backed up a gnarled hand landed on his shoulder.

 

“Now, someone steps through the gate the first time they’re a guest. You lay off that extortion crap.” Finn turned towards a Ghoul, who seemed to be dressed in some form of colonial costume involving a bright red frock coat.

 

“What do you care, Hancock?” Finn didn’t seem to like this Hancock fellow and Nate watched, half amused, as they went back and forth. Finn accused the man of being soft and letting people walk all over him. Said one day there’d be a new man in charge if he didn’t stand up for Goodneighbor. Hancock walked up to Finn and reassuring words fell from his tongue. Finn seemed to relax, and in that moment Hancock reached out, producing a knife from behind his back, and quickly stabbed Finn in the gut twice.

 

As Finn lay on the ground dying Nate looked up at the Ghoul, the man had a wicked glint in his eyes but an easy smile. “I’m the Mayor of this here town. John Hancock. Don’t let this little incident taint your view of our community. Goodneighbor is of the people, for the people, and as long as you know who’s in charge, that’s all that matters. Understand, brother?” Nate nodded. “I can tell I’m gonna like you already. You look like you could be fun, come see me in the Old State House if you want a good time, friend.” With that Mayor Hancock turned away and sauntered back into the building he had come out of.

 

Nate glanced down at Dogmeat and sighed, “What is going on in this place? First the Minutemen and now I’ve met John Hancock. I thought I went forward in time.” Before he could get very far into the town a random Ghoul gave him a quick glance.

 

“You new here, sugar?” She asked, voice raspy from radiation. He nodded in affirmation and she smiled. “Always nice to see a new face. You need general supplies go see Daisy, you need weapons, go see KLEO, if you need a place to stay try the Rexford. If you need a drink, you can head down to the Third Rail-” Her voiced dropped low and sultry, “-or you can join me.” She gestured with her hand towards all the locations she pointed out but ended her tour with a wink.

 

Nate flushed red at her suggestion. “I, uh, well I don’t think I should. I mean, I’m not- Not that you don’t seem lovely I’m just-” At a loss of what to say next he lifted his left hand, the light bounced off the gold coloring of his wedding band and the woman’s face flashed with recognition.

 

“Ah, I see. Well I’m sure she’s a lovely woman. Very lucky.” Nate felt a ball of sadness well up in his throat.

 

“She is.” He said, emotion thick in his voice. The woman nodded in understanding and then turned away. Nate took that opportunity to make his exit.

 

He stopped at Daisy’s Discounts and bought him and Dogmeat some dinner, he listened to her sadness at the library being overrun and he felt her pain. He wondered how hard it would be to take out some Super Mutants, definitely not something he could do alone.

 

He wound up right outside the doors to the Memory Den not long after they finished eating. He had been standing there for almost ten minutes and the guard outside kept giving him strange looks. A man walked over to him. He had a cigarette between his fingers and the smoke seemed to constrict Nate’s lungs. The man wore a pair of reflective sunglasses, ones that hid his eyes from being seen.

 

“Buddy, either go inside or leave. You’re making the watchmen nervous and I’d hate to see them put a bullet in you because they thinks you’re a synth. You’re thinking of using the Memory Den, aren’t you? Take a trip down memory lane?” Nate nodded. “I’m not gonna tell you how to live your life, but I wouldn’t recommend it. It’s not dangerous, not physically anyways. I went in there once and re-lived the time that I fought off a Deathclaw. Had nothing but a shitty pipe pistol and my boxer shorts. That embarrassment stuck with me for weeks. Could hardly look Irma in the eye.”

 

Nate would have laughed at the obviously fabricated story, but his heart was still pattering with nervousness, instead he gave a hesitant grin and shifted his weight to lean closer to the man. “Sounds like hell of a time, hey you seem to know this town, do you think you’d maybe want to stick around, show me the ropes?”

 

Nate didn’t know what it was about the man that made him want to stick around, his presence wasn’t off-putting like Preston’s or Codsworth’s. It might have been the story, something about its clear falseness made him think that the man was a bit larger than life. He had an easiness about him that Nate hadn’t seen before. Maybe it was the fact that this man didn’t have any expectations from him, he really was a stranger. It made Nate realize how long he had really been without company, without a friend.

 

_I’m so desperate for connection that I’m looking for friends in the first person to talk to me. How pathetic._

 

The man seemed shocked at the question, but it was hard to tell when half of his face was obstructed by the dark glasses. Nate watched the man’s lips harden into a thin line as he frowned. “Sorry, buddy, no can do. But I wish you luck.” He flicked his cigarette ash towards Nate and then turned away, clearly indicating that the conversation was over.

 

The clear rejection stung, but he couldn’t focus on it. Nate wasn’t sure what to make of the helpful but confusing stranger and instead of bothering the man he turned to Dogmeat. “You stay here boy, I’ll try not to take too long.” And with that Nate pushed open the bright red doors and stepped inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the first chapter. I know it's pretty short but all my chapters will be between 1,500 and 3,500 words. I have the next few chapters basically done so depending on the reaction that this gets I might try and hurry up to post those sooner rather than later.
> 
> I did struggle with the formatting since I've never posted here before, I'll keep working on it.
> 
> If you're enjoying so far feel free to leave Kudos or comment, I appreciate it all!


	2. Way Back Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nate takes a trip into the past and then hires his first companion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I changed my mind and decided to post this today, instead of waiting.
> 
> Once more, thanks to my Tumblr beta Stoleneyes618. Feel free to come say hi, I'm [Randomwordsandstormydays](http:/randomwordsandstormydays.tumblr.com) on Tumblr too.
> 
> Chapter title is from the song by Bob Crosby.

Nate felt nerves tingle right under his skin as he walked into the building, the heavy door swung shut loudly and disturbed the silence around him. He took a few hesitant steps forward, moving around a section of wall so he could access the main room.

 

A woman with blonde hair, which was styled elegantly up on top of her head, sat up from her resting position to look at him.

 

“A new guest to the Memory Den, or are you here to see Dr. Amari?” The woman asked, her voice was sultry and low, causing Nate to shiver.

 

“I’m here to use the memory lounger?” He said hesitantly.

 

“Was that a question or a statement?”

 

“A statement, but, uh, how much does this cost?” He wasn’t hard pressed for caps, but he didn’t want to do this if it was going to bankrupt him.

 

She smiled, red lips parting in her amusement. “The first time is free, dear, after that it’ll cost you a pretty penny.” Nate wondered if she even knew what a penny was. “Why don’t you take a seat in the lounger right there?” She pointed at a contraption to his left.

 

“How does this work?” He didn’t want to get into something that he didn’t understand.

 

The woman sighed, “If you want to know how the lounger works you’ll have to wait for Dr. Amari, I just tell you what to do.” Nate worried at his bottom lip, glancing between the woman and the pod. The people in the loungers around him didn’t look like they were in pain, and if what the man outside had said was true, this wasn’t going to kill him.

 

“Alright.” He shrugged off his bag and rested his shotgun on top of it. He kept his pistol in its holster, making sure it was secured before he sat down. As soon as he was in place the window on the lounger lowered, sealing him inside.

 

“Now, you’ll feel tired, but don’t fight it, let yourself drift off and think of what or who you want to see.” Nate went to respond but found that he couldn’t move his lips and his eyes were drifting shut. “When you want to get out, just think of how you got here, bring yourself back to the present.” Nate wondered how he was supposed to remember the present when he was falling into the past.

 

His eyes were fully closed now, a low hum sounded in his ear, and suddenly all he could think about was Nora.

 

When he opened his eyes again he was in his living room. _Was it all a dream?_ He thought. This was quickly proven wrong since he couldn’t move his body and the words coming out of his mouth weren’t spoken by choice.

 

“-more beautiful than the day I met you.” He heard himself say, and then, there she was.

 

“Stop it, you big flirt. I already married you, you don’t have to flatter me anymore.” Nate’s heart soared, seeing Nora again was like a breath of fresh air. He felt all the struggles of the Commonwealth slide off his shoulders. Everything faded away until all he could see and feel was her and happiness.

 

When past-him reached out to brush her hair from her face, he could feel it. When Codsworth brought them drinks, he could taste them. When Nora leaned forward and wrapped an arm around his neck, he could smell her.

 

The conversation faded away, and they sat. Nate longed to tighten his arms, to pull his wife more closely into his embrace, but he was restricted by the terms of his memory.

 

Soon the scene faded and he was in the park, warm sun, free of radiation, poured over his skin. Nora’s laugh drew his attention and he watched as she unwrapped their picnic basket. “Honey, won’t you pass me the mustard?” Nate felt himself gag.

 

“How can you eat that stuff?” past-him asked, but complied anyways, grabbing the small yellow container and passing it her way.

 

“The same way you can drink coffee that taste like sewer sludge.” A chuckle rumbled deep in his chest and he reached forward. He pulled Nora into his lap and kissed her gently.

 

“As long as I get to keep tasting you, I don’t care what you put on your sandwich.” He said, Nate felt her breath hitch and he smiled, leaning down to capture her lips in a kiss. Nate reveled in the feel of her skin in his hands and her lips on his. _I never thought I’d get to feel this again._

 

Soon enough the memory faded, and passed into another and another. He saw Nora when they first met. Re-experienced their first kiss. He saw her walk down the aisle again. He got to re-live the birth of their son.

 

Now here he stood, leaning over the edge of a baby crib. Past-him is happy, perfectly content to let his finger be eaten by this tiny infant. Now-Nate is torn.

 

 _I would stay in here forever_. He thought, the idea scaring him a little. _I would gladly let all of the Commonwealth burn to the ground if it meant I could stay here, happy with Nora and Shaun. But I can’t, I have to go back, to save my actual child. Not just a memory of him_.

 

He stared down at his child, feeling a torment of emotions flow through him. Nora placed a hand on his shoulder and he turned around.

 

 _I have to go_ , he tried to say. _I love you, and I promise I’ll find Shaun. I promise that I’ll get him back._

 

With that, Nate thought of the blonde woman, pulling himself back into his real body. A wave of nausea passed over him and the memory in front of him began to fade into static.

 

Nate opened his eyes and then quickly shut them, the light of the room causing a sharp pain to explode inside his head.

 

“Take it easy now, coming out of these things is always hard. Take your time.” Nate cracked his eyes open again and slowly pushed himself forward. His legs felt wobbly and he stabled himself on the edge of the memory lounger.

 

“Thank you.” His voice sounded rough, and Nate realized that he was thirsty.

 

“You’re welcome honey, now just so you know, it’s 100 caps an hour your next ride. I’m Irma and I never forget a face, so don’t try and play me for a fool.”

 

Nate reached down and pulled some water out of his bag. He took a sip and then looked back at the woman. “I wouldn’t even try it, promise.” He said, before picking up his bag and hefting it onto his back. “How long was I in there?” He asked. It had felt like only a moment.

 

“Four hours.”

 

“What?” He called out and whipped his head up to meet her eye. “Four hours?” He couldn’t really believe it.

 

“I know, a lot longer than you thought. That’s why it’s so easy to lose yourself. Now take it slow, I can’t imagine what you wanted to re-live, but I’m sure it’s not easy being back. Get yourself a room at the Rexford.”

 

Nate nodded and then left without another word.

 

Dogmeat was waiting for him, his brown eyes seemed to give off concern and he felt bad. “Sorry, boy, I didn’t realize I was going to be gone that long.” It was well into evening now, but it seemed like Goodneighbor was only just getting started. Hoots and hollers were sang into the night air and it seemed like one big party.

 

It suddenly hit Nate just how tired and emotional he was. He quickly turned towards the Rexford and went inside. After paying for a room, Nate dropped all of his things into a disorganized pile and laid on the bed.

 

He replayed what he had seen in the lounger over and over again in his head. Before long tears were running down his face and he was having trouble keeping quiet. He cried to himself for a while before pushing himself off the bed.

 

Dogmeat blinked up at him from his spot on the floor. “Stay here, I’ll be back soon.”

Nate made his way to the Third Rail. It was an interesting place and the live music from Magnolia made it feel less like an old subway station and more like some Old World bar.

 

Nate dropped himself onto a stool and turned to Whitechapel Charlie, the Mr. Handy running the counter. “I’ll take whatever you have that most closely resembles whiskey.” The robot bobbed one of its eye stalks in affirmation and slid a glass over his way. He drank the whole thing in one go and then ordered another.

 

Nate had been drinking for a while when a loud bang from the back room caught his attention. No one else seemed to pay the sound any mind but it was a distraction, and he decided to take it.

 

He stood up, much too quickly for his inebriated state, and steadied himself on the counter. Eventually the room stopped spinning and he made his way back into the VIP lounge area.

 

A young man sat in a chair, he wore a green and yellow duster and an odd looking cap on his head. Two other men, who had their backs to him, stood facing the other.

 

Nate simply watched as the two men standing threatened the one sitting in the chair, they mentioned something about territory and jobs. Eventually they left, tossing petty threats behind them.

 

The man in the chair turned to look at Nate, he couldn’t have been older than 20. “Look buddy, if you’re here preaching the atom or looking for someone to keep your bed warm tonight, you’re in the wrong place. But if you’re looking for a hired gun, we can talk.”

 

“What if I’m just looking for someone to have a conversation with?”

 

“If it’s not about a job, then I’m not interested.”

 

Nate racked his brain for something he could ask the boy (because he definitely thought of him as a kid now) to do, a conversation from earlier that day sparked his memory.

 

“How do you feel about killing some Super Mutants?” He asked, as he stepped forward into the room.

 

“Name’s MacCready. Hiring me is 250 caps, no room for bargaining.”

 

Nate laughed, “My name’s Nate but that’s some bullshit.” MacCready looked at him with some interest. “Everything can be bartered, 200 caps or I find someone else. I’m just trying to help Daisy.”

 

Something sparked behind MacCready’s eyes but Nate was too drunk to identify it. “200, fine. You’ve bought yourself a hired gun.”

 

“Are those guys from earlier, the Gunners, are they going to be a problem?”

 

“No, they shouldn’t be. They just have a problem with people who don’t agree with the way they run things. I left them and they don’t like that I’m taking jobs here.” Nate could understand wanting to leave a terrible organization, but he was surprised that the young man had joined them at all. He had already agreed to hire him however, and figured that he could let him go on his own after.

 

“I’ll just have to take your word for it.”

 

“And what about you, how do I know I won’t end up with a bullet in my back?” Nate shrugged and plopped down on the couch, it was soft and worn from years of use.

 

“You don’t. That’s the risk, isn’t it?”

 

Maccready rolled his eyes but seemed to accept that answer. “When do we leave?”

 

Nate closed his eyes and settled back onto the couch. “Tomorrow, because I’m much too drunk to kill anything right now. We’ll be clearing out the Boston Public Library.” He peeked over at his new companion. “How old are you anyways?”

 

MacCready seemed annoyed by the question. “I’m 22, not that it really matters, I’m the best shot in the Commonwealth, you’ll see soon enough.” He looked over at Nate. “You’re just past the point where I’d say you were drinking to have fun. What’s got you all messed up?”

 

Nate stiffened at the question. “Dead wife.” He said, simply, and looked away.

 

There was an awkward silence that followed the two until MacCready opened up and said, “Me too.” Nate glanced back at him, feeling his heart strings pull.

 

“You’re too young for that kind of pain.” Nate said simply.

 

“So are you.”

 

Nate hummed at that, 27 wasn’t that young to him, and technically he was 237. He didn’t bother responding and they fell into silence again. This time it wasn’t awkward, as they both sat and reflected on their situations. After a while Nate pushed himself off the couch, feeling a little steadier than he did earlier. “I have a room at the Rexford. You’re welcome to stay there tonight or you can meet me out at the gate in the morning. You’ll get your 200 then. Deal?”

 

MacCready nodded, “I’ll stay here, Boss. I’ll meet you outside tomorrow, bright and early.”

 

Nate chuckled, “Maybe not so early”, he said, knowing that he was going to feel this in the morning. No more words were spoken and Nate slowly made his way back to his room. He was asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the start of the 'Dead Wives Club', yay!
> 
> Look for a new chapter next Thursday/Friday (or earlier if I manage to get my corrections done).
> 
> Also, if you're enjoying, feel free to leave Kudos or comment.


	3. It's A Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We meet Deacon and he learns some things about Nate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully you enjoy reading this chapter even 10% as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Deacon almost fell out of his chair when the vault opened up. The rusted metal screeched loudly and disturbed the relative quiet, startling him up and onto his feet. Deacon could felt excitement as it welled up in him.

Desdemona had agreed to let him stalk out the vault in Sanctuary based solely on rumors that the institute had been down there at some point. At first he had made weekly trips to the vault to check on activity but as the months went on he got bored with the assignment. Eventually he only came when he needed a break from HQ. It was pure coincidence that he was there when it opened.

No one knew about the vault or its residents and Deacon was surprised to see one lone man rise up on the platform. He pulled out his binoculars and used them to get a better look at the vault dweller. There were tear tracks on his face, and there was blood on his hands, but his suit looked pristine, and he looked completely healthy, no signs of malnourishment or radiation.

Deacon watched as a look he could only describe as devastation washed over the man’s face. His legs seemed to give out and he dropped to a knee, a hand flew up to cover his mouth and Deacon could only imagine what he could possibly be thinking.

The vault dweller fell back onto the platform and just stared at everything around him, Deacon knew that the destruction that the man saw had to be a shock. The spy counted seven minutes before the man stood up and trudged towards the community at the base of the hill.

Deacon followed him and listened to the entire conversation. He learned about the cryogenic experiment, the dead wife, the kidnapped son. He learned that the man, Nate, was the sole survivor. He gathered as much Intel as he could before he quietly slipped back up the hill and down into the vault.

Now that he knew there was no chance at getting caught he was excited at the opportunity to explore Vault 111, but when the doors opened, he felt oddly sick. It felt like a graveyard- he supposed that it was.

He carefully went through each room, backtracking Nate’s progress through the vault. He read every terminal, checked every pod, except one. Deacon knew what it was like to see your spouse murdered, he didn’t have the heart to look at another man’s dead wife.

Deacon left the underground tomb, and headed out to find the vaultie. He spent the next month following the vault dweller like his own shadow. He saw his pain and suffering, he saw the internal struggle of balancing who he was with who he had to become in order to survive. He watched Nate bury himself into supporting settlements, clearly his attempt to forget the horrors of the vault.

He knew that Nate was on a rescue mission and also a mission of revenge. What he didn’t know or understand is why it took him to long to go to Diamond City. He didn’t understand why he focused on helping the settlements instead of looking for his son.

Deacon was hiding behind a bush in Sanctuary when the vaultie told Preston that he was taking a break from helping the settlers and he was heading to Diamond City to get some clues as to where his kid could be. So Deacon followed him. He followed him on his mission to rescue Nick Valentine and he listened through a crack in the wall about Kellogg. His heart broke for him.

Valentine told Nate that he needed some time to get a real lead on his son. Nate walked back to the Dugout Inn to sleep and Deacon waited for him outside.

Instead of going back to HQ like he knew he should he continued to follow. He watched as Nate went back to helping settlements, throwing himself back into busy work to keep his mind distracted. Everything was normal, until Goodneighbor.

Deacon full on laughed when Nate had looked at Hancock with the most bewildered expression but somberly up very quickly when Finn went down, blood poured from his stomach. The casual violence of it made Deacon a little queasy.

Eventually, he followed Nate as he wound out outside the Memory Den. Deacon could see the hopeless look on Nate’s face as he fought internally with himself. He knew that look, he had seen it in the mirror. That look was what caused him to approach, he broke his own rules to talk Nate. Not just the Railroad’s.

The offer to join him had startled Deacon, as far as he could tell Nate traveled alone or with Dogmeat. He didn’t seem to enjoy the company of another person. He shut Nate down as simply as he could. The pained look on Nate’s face didn’t fade but he did go inside, and Deacon realized that his heart was pounding. _What is going on with me?_

Deacon waited four hours for the vault dweller to leave and was slightly disappointed when he just went back to his room. He understood, though, reliving the past can take it out of a person.

He wished that the loungers stored what they saw, he wanted to get inside Nate’s head, see what it was that he was looking at. What he saw. He knew they didn’t and instead of heading inside to get a room for the night, he turned towards the Third Rail and went inside.

Deacon was surprised when a short time later Nate walked into the bar. Nate downed drink after drink, apparently whatever he had saw was enough to cause a sleepless night.

He felt disappointment when he hired the mercenary MacCready, the other man wasn’t Railroad material. Deacon couldn’t risk Nate bringing the ex-Gunner to HQ, he’d have to wait to drop his hints until the merc was gone. For some reason he felt jealousy slide over his chest. _That could have been you_ , the voice in his head whispered. Deacon knew then that he was getting too invested. He slipped out of the bar unnoticed and headed back towards The Old North Church, he was long past due on a check-in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A (super) short little introduction to everyone's favorite spy plus a little bit of feelings. Maybe not good feelings, but it's something at least.
> 
> \- - - - -  
> I'm thinking of doing two chapters a week, let me know if that's something y'all would want.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has left kudos and comments, I'm excited to bring you the next chapter!
> 
> Come say hi on Tumblr, I'm randomwordsandstormydays.


	4. Crawl Out Through The Fallout

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maccready and Nate learn about each other and come to an understanding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We get to see the two boys in action, finally!

It was pushing close to mid-morning by the time Nate managed to get up and out of bed. He spent a couple moments remembering the night before, and his heart clenched when he remembered the Memory Den, but he forced himself to push those feelings aside.

He called over to Dogmeat, making sure that he was alright, before gathering up his supplies. He stepped carefully down the stairs, trying to keep quiet, but realized very quickly that that wasn’t an option. As he came down the first flight of stairs he ran into a Ghoul. One he knew very well.

“It’s not possible.” The Vault-Tec representative said, taking a step back to look Nate over more closely. “It’s you, the one from Sanctuary!” Nate clenched his jaw in preparation of an attack, but none came. “How are you so perfect? You look like you haven’t aged a day?”

Nate carefully went into the tale about the cryogenics portion of the lab, explaining how Vault-Tec had lied to them. The man looked defeated.

“Do you know how hard it is? No one has any use for my knowledge of Vault-Tec or my sales experience, I’m completely useless.”

“You could come work for me.” Nate offered. The man smiled wide and life seemed to flow back into him.

“You would do that? For me?” Nate nodded. “Would you come visit? It’s been so lonely here, and you’re the only person I know from before.”

“Of course I’ll come visit. I’ll make sure you get set up with a good job. Okay?” The Ghoul nodded. “Do you remember Sanctuary?” Another nod. “Well, go back there and ask for a Preston Garvey. Tell him I sent you and for him to give you a job. Does that sound good?”

“Yes, yes, thank you so much, and don’t forget to visit!” The man was already turning back to his room. “I’ll just gather my things and then I’ll head out. Thank you!”

Before Nate could reply the Ghoul had already turned back into his room and shut the door. Nate took a moment to wonder if he would have turned into a Ghoul or if the radiation would have simply killed him if he and his family had never made it into the Vault.

He quickly pushed those thoughts aside and continued to make his way down to the lobby and out into Goodneighbor.

Goodneighbor looked pretty much the same in the daylight. People were outside doing chems and causing a nuisance. He spent only a moment looking for cigarette smoke and dark sunglasses, and refused to admit that he felt disappointment when he saw none. Instead Nate turned a few corners and saw MacCready leaning up against a wall by the entrance. He waved him over, noting that he looked just as young in the sunlight.

“Morning, Boss, was wondering how much longer it was going to take you to get up. Thought maybe you skipped out on me.” As they walked Nate slowly led them over to Daisy’s Discounts.

“We had a deal, Mac, I would never skip out on that.” MacCready gave him a weird look.

“Did you just call me Mac?”

Nate grinned, “Sure did. MacCready’s too long, and if I need your attention quick it’ll take me longer than I feel comfortable with to get your name out.”

“Alright, you’re the boss, Boss.” MacCready looked up at Daisy. “Hey there Dais, how’s it going? Been a long time since I’ve had a talk with my favorite Ghoul.”

Daisy, if she still could, would be blushing. “Now RJ, you flatterer, you know nothing ever changes around here.”

Nate idly listened to their conversation as he sorted through Daisy’s supply. He quickly realized that these two had a soft spot for each other, like brother and sister. He realized that by mentioning Daisy is why MacCready had agreed to be hired for a lower price.

Nate purchased breakfast and a few other items from Daisy. He handed some to MacCready, telling him to keep what he wanted for himself but to make sure Dogmeat got some. Mac said his goodbyes to Daisy and then turned away, he pulled Dogmeat to the side and offered him some Cram.

Nate thanked Daisy for the supplies. “Mac and I are headed to clear out the library.” She seemed nervous at that, the smile she was wearing dropped off her face and she looked over at MacCready.

“You two be careful there. I’m not sure that’s just a job for two of you.”

“Don’t worry Daisy, a few Super Mutants won’t be an issue for ‘the best shot in the whole Commonwealth’.”

“He talks a big game, but he’s still a kid. Just be careful, take care of him. RJ is one of the good ones, he just puts up this tough guy exterior.” Nate nodded, he could understand that. “Just make sure he comes back in one piece, okay?”

“I promise, Daisy. He’ll be alright.” With that she wished them luck and Nate turned away, heading back to his new companion.

Nate decided to send Dogmeat back to Diamond City to wait for him there. He didn’t know much about Maccready’s fighting style and he felt it would be better to not have to worry about both of them. Dogmeat was a great companion but the super mutant hounds made Nate nervous around his furry friend. Once Dogmeat was on his way Macready and him headed off towards the library.

Nate was halfway through picking the lock on the library door when an automated voice began to talk. “Welcome to Boston Public Library. The library is currently closed. Only employees and those with a scheduled appointment may enter. All other guests are invited to return during normal business hours.”

“Uh, I’m an employee?” Nate cringed at the clear question in his voice. But instead of alerting security the voice simply asked for his six-digit employee ID code. “1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6?” Maccready shot him a panicked look and both Nate and Maccready stood tense and unsure as the seconds ticked on. Just as Nate was about to go back to lock picking the speaker sounded again.

“Welcome Mr. Mayor, please enjoy your visit.” Nate laughed out loud and threw Maccready a smile.

“I can’t believe that worked, Boss.”

“Neither can I, Mac. Best not to look a gift horse in the mouth, though. Follow me.” He ignored Maccready’s look of confusion and pushed open the heavy double doors.

Immediately the two felt a wave of relief wash over them as they spotted the mass amounts of internal security.

“This would have been a bit- I mean, this would have been a pain to fight through. Guess it’s a good thing those pre-war folks were predictable. I mean, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, what kind of passcode is that?” Maccready sneered and followed Nate to the book return.

“We weren’t all that predictable. Although I’ll admit my first credit card pin was 1, 2, 3, 4.” Nate pulled out the book Daisy had given him. _Madame Bovary_ by Gustave Flaubert. Not his favorite author, but one he could respect. Also quite rare to find a copy in English.

He forgot that he just told Mac that he was pre-war as he slide the book into the return slot and collected the token it dispensed. “Are you fuc-messin’ with me, or did you just say you’re pre-war?” Nate turned to face his companion and shrugged. He would rather finish his exploration of the library but he supposed this wasn’t something he could just move on from.

He shrugged casually and gestured for Maccready to follow him down the main hall. “Yeah, I guess that didn’t come up when I hired you. You probably have questions.” Maccready looked torn between blurting out the dozens of questions he clearly had floating through his brain and also respecting Nate’s privacy. “You can ask, just understand that I might not answer.”

“How old are you, are you some kind of Ghoul?” Nate honestly hadn’t been expecting that question first, although considering how society viewed Ghouls he could understand.

“I was 27 the days the bombs fell, so that makes me 237 now. And no, I’m not a Ghoul. Vault-Tec tricked us, made me and my family think that we were going to be a part of their vault.” He paused to look around the corner before continuing through the rooms. “Instead they froze us, some kind of fast-freezing cryo tanks. I only woke up a few weeks ago.” Nate tried to deliver the news with some semblance of detachment from the situation but his voice caught on the word ‘family’ and he couldn’t help but notice the look of sympathy that crossed Mac’s face.

“What happened to them?” Nate didn’t need clarification to know who the ‘them’ was.

“My wife and my son. They-” Nate’s sentence broke off and Mac placed a hand on his arm.

“You don’t have to answer. I lost my wife a while ago and it still hurts, I understand.” Nate could only imagine the horrible ways that the Commonwealth could have taken his wife from him and felt a pang of sympathy in his chest. “C’mon, let’s clear this place and then get back to Daisy. Okay?”

Nate appreciated Maccready’s attempt to distract him without making it obvious, that kind of appreciation for human emotion was rare even pre-war and Nate’s opinion of the former Gunner shifted.

“Sounds good to me.”

The two quickly finished making their way through the library, Nate made mental notes of where the intact books were and was excited to send the Minutemen here to see what they could salvage. The lack of super mutants and their bodies, however, left Nate on edge. Most rumors didn’t start for no reason and Daisy had looked especially worried.

Most of that nervousness had vanished by the time Nate made his way into the final room of the library. He was about to ask Maccready if there was anything he wanted to check out again before leaving when an automated voice sounded from the speakers in the library. Almost as soon as the voice let them know that there was danger a loud and thunderous shouting could be heard from the entrance.

Maccready had already swung up his rifle to take aim by the time the first super mutant appeared around the corner. A quick pull of the trigger and the mutant dropped. Nate only had a moment to be impressed by the young man’s accuracy before he too pulled out his weapon and began to fire. Nate was suddenly extremely grateful that he had gotten a rifle from KLEO. As much as he loved his shotgun and pistol, close combat weapons were not what he needed right now.

He left Maccready in the back office and pushed forward, finding a space behind a desk with a turret on top. After a few moments he found a steady rhythm. The turret fired and when it paused he fired in its place. He continued to be impressed by Maccready’s skill with a sniper and couldn’t help but be a little jealous by his accuracy.

It didn’t take long for the front entry way to become clear and Maccready slid up next to Nate. “Hey Boss, what’s the plan?” Nate considered his options for a moment.

“I don’t want to split up, you’re clearly skilled with a rifle but I have a feeling close quarters aren’t really your thing.” Maccready shrugged. “Then just stay behind me, I’ll try and clear out most of them, you just get what you can.”

They two moved quickly through the front entry and began to make their way down the hallway leading back towards the subway entrance. They took out half a dozen mutants that were in the hallway and surrounding rooms before coming to a stop.

“Looks like they’re coming from the subway. Let’s try and take out a bunch of them at once.” Nate pulled a grenade from his bag motioned for Maccready to duck behind some cover. “Once this goes off we’ll only have a few seconds of confusion. We hit them hard and fast.”

“Sounds good.” Nate waited until Mac was securely behind an overturned desk before he jumped out from behind his cover. He threw the grenade quickly and then tucked himself under the half-wall that kept people from tumbling down the stairs. There was a brief moment of panic where Nate was convinced that the grenade wasn’t going to go off, before the explosion rocked the building and left him deaf.

Nate tried to push past the ringing in his ear and stand, but his legs wouldn’t listen to him. In the corner of his eye he saw a super mutant hound make it to the top of the stairs and look at him. He assumed that it growled but his ears were still ringing and his legs only worked enough to twitch under him as he tried to escape.

Before the animal had a chance to lunge at him a bullet tore through its skull and Maccready was grabbing at his arms and pulling him to his feet.

“-oss. Hey Boss, you gotta snap out of it.” Nate shook his head as Maccready’s words finally reached his brain. He grabbed the rifle that Maccready was shoving into his hands and fumbled with his grip for a moment. The two moved quickly, falling back from their exposed position, and pushed back into the hallway.

They could hear the stomping of the super mutants approaching and Maccready pushed Nate back into the room with the turrets and protectrons.

“Stay here. I’ve got an idea.” Maccready grabbed a mine from his pack and tossed it down at the end of the hallway and then set himself up a spot next to Nate. It took only another minute before the quick _beep beep beep_ of the mine started. Luckily for them, the mutants didn’t have the intelligence to run the other way.

This time the explosion was far enough away that Nate suffered no ill effects from it and was able to assist Maccready in taking out the last of the super mutants. When all was quiet the two carefully picked their way through the remainder of the library. No more mutants came and the two breathed a sigh of relief. They made the mutual decision to block up the entrance to the subway in order to prevent any more undesirables from entering the library.

When all was said and done Nate turned to Maccready. “Thanks, for earlier. That hound would have torn me to shreds.”

“You don’t seem like an assh-er, you seem like the kind of guy to help me if I needed it.” Mac’s face twisted in annoyance as he let out another one of his half-curses.

“I’d like to think that I am too, even still, you could have just left me here and I’m appreciative that you didn’t.”

“You’re welcome then. So, what’s next?” Nate considered that for a moment. He had planned to send Mac away as soon as they were done but the young man had shown that he was more than a step above Nate’s initial judgments.

“How would you like to give up mercenary work?” Maccready froze at the question.

“It’s what I’m good at, Boss. Plus I kinda need the caps.” He looked up from his shoes and met Nate’s eye before turning away. “I know I said those two guys from earlier wouldn’t be a problem, and they’re not. But I’m trying to gather up the caps to pay them off.”

Nate raised an eyebrow and crossed him arms. “What’s to stop them from taking your caps and shooting you?” Maccready sighed.

“Nothing I guess. I made a mistake joining them, I really needed the caps, but after I heard what happened in Quincy I just couldn’t stomach it anymore.” Nate frowned at the mention of Quincy, Preston had told him all about the assault from the Gunners and the whole situation made him sick. “I can tell by the look on your face that you’ve heard about that. I know it doesn’t mean much, but I had nothing to do with it, I swear.”

Maccready was clearly embarrassed and ashamed but Nate didn’t think he was lying. “I believe you, but you should know, I’m actually the General of the Minutemen.” Maccready stared at him, mouth agape. “I rescued the last surviving group of civilians in Concord and I’ve been helping them get back on their feet.”

“Fuck. You probably hate me, don’t you?” Maccready didn’t even seem to notice the slip up.

Nate shook his head. “You weren’t there, and you realized that you didn’t want to support them. I guess I just don’t understand why you joined them in the first place.”

Mac tensed and his eyes darted to the ground again. “I just don’t know if I can trust you with that information. It’s… personal.”

“I’m not gonna push you to tell me, let’s just focus on those two guys.”

“Winlock and Barnes, they’re assho-uh, jerks. They were my sergeants and they never really liked me. I think they actually liked when I left because now they have the opportunity to fu-mess with me whenever they want.”

Nate considered this. He wanted to hire Maccready to pull security for Sanctuary. They didn’t have any snipers, last he checked, and if Maccready could train up some people Nate could start sending snipers to each settlement. However, if Gunners started trying to force their way into Sanctuary in order to get to Maccready they’d have a war on their hands and the Minutemen weren’t prepared for that kind of fight.

“What if I helped you take them out?” Nate suggested. “I’ve got just as many problems with Gunners as I do with raiders so I’ve got no problems going after them.”

“You would do that for me?” Maccready seemed so shocked by his offer to help that it brought a smile to Nate’s face.

“Sure I would, it gets you off the Gunner radar, and if we’re gonna keep traveling together that’s kind of important. We’ll head back to Goodneighbor and restock on supplies. That sound good to you?”

“Sure does, Boss.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, look for the next two chapters next week probably Thursday/Friday.
> 
> If you enjoyed please come say hi I'm randomwordsandstormydays on Tumblr.


	5. Into Each Life Some Rain Must Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maccready and Nate take out some bothersome Gunners and have a talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took so many liberties with Maccready's backstory this chapter and I gave my own little spin to why he joined the Gunners. Hopefully it fits in with his character.
> 
> Enjoy!

Nate was surprised to learn that Mac, for all his lack of education and class, was actually pretty funny and they spent most of their trip discussing comic books and cracking jokes. Maccready was more than willing to let Nate talk about Grognock, the vault dweller had read nearly every comic pre-war and knew that most issues were gone forever.

 

Maccready made mention of rumors that Grognock’s axe was still located at Hubris comics and they made a tentative plan to go there and retrieve it. Nate had begun to relax in the younger man’s company but was still wondering what it was that had caused someone like him to join the Gunners. Nate could almost understand it, Maccready valued caps over everything else as far as he could tell and the Gunners were always looking for sharp shooters. It did seem like a perfect fit.

 

But as Daisy had mentioned, Nate could see that under all that anger and angst that Maccready wore like armor, was a young man who wanted to do good. If he wasn’t then Quincy wouldn’t have bothered him.

 

“How did you wind up joining the Gunners, Mac?”

 

Maccready tossed him a quick glance and then focused back on the road around them. “I needed the caps.” His answer was quick and gruff.

 

“I’m not judging, Mac, I’m just trying to understand. You’re a good kid, I can tell, so how did you wind up with those guys? If it was just about caps you could have done any number of things.”

 

It was silent between the two of them for a moment, Nate was quickly trying to find a way to move on when Maccready finally answered. “When I got to the Commonwealth I was in a rough place. I was a mess. Angry and bitter and sad. I had just lost my wife and D-” He cut his sentence short and gritted his teeth. “-I didn’t know how to cope with it.”

 

As he talked Nate painted a mental picture in his head and he could see it. He didn’t know how long Mac had been here but his anger and sadness was still present. “I didn’t have any caps, I was sleeping in whatever buildings I could find, I was starving. I was desperate.”

 

He was silent for a few moments and Nate was unsure if he was going to elaborate any further. The younger man was focused hard on the road in front of them and seemed to be struggling with what he wanted to say next.

 

“Then I got into it with some guys just outside Diamond City. I was trying to barter my way into the city. They saw my rifle and started to harass me. Told me that if I could out shoot them that they’d let me go but if I couldn’t that they’d make sure I never made it into the city.” He paused and took a deep breath. “I refused to play their game and they attacked me. Those fucke-those jerks beat me up pretty badly and left me on the street.” He exhaled quickly and glance over to Nate. When they made eye contact Maccready jerked his focus away and steeled himself. “Anderson, one of the Gunner Commanders, had been watching and he approached me right after. Told me if I could hit them that he’d get me a job. The amount of caps he offered was enormous.”

 

Nate watched as Mac flexed his fingers over the trigger of his rifle, a nervous tick. “By that time they had got a good distance away. That didn’t matter to me, I just took the sniper from him and shot them both in the head.” Maccready spoke quickly and refused to make eye contact when he finished.

 

Things were silent for a few minutes, Nate watched his companion as a mass of emotions rolled over his features. Nate wasn’t sure what to say, but he found that he couldn’t find it in himself to be disappointed. “I’m not proud of what I did, Nate, and if I could go back I wouldn’t have done it. But I was just so… I don’t even know.”

 

“I get it.” Nate said quietly. “When I first came out of the vault and I went to Concord I killed for the first time. Might seem weird but my job in the Army wasn’t Infantry, I was a desk jockey, a POG, and I tried to keep off the front lines as best I could. But pre-war people always talked about killing for the first time, at least people in the Army. Some people said that it made them sick, others said that they felt a rush, some people even got off on it.” Nate paused and looked at Maccready. “But I was so distraught from losing Nora, so bitter and angry that someone had taken my son, that I didn’t feel anything.”

 

Maccready watched him in silence. “It took me all the way up until after I rescued Preston and the other settlers to even come to terms with what I did. I get that the situations aren’t the same, but I can’t say I blame you at all.” The younger man seemed to deflate. When he spoke Nate could hear the strain of emotion in his voice.

 

“I’m just a killer, Nate. I mean if Lucy could see me now she’d be so disappointed in me. She was a doctor, her only goal in life was to help people, to save them and I’m just-” Mac took a steadying breath. “I just don’t understand how you can be so understanding.”

 

“You did what you needed to survive, and I can’t see Lucy blaming you for that. She would understand, you can’t keep holding on to all this blame. It’ll kill you.” Nate put his hand on Maccready’s arm. “Nora would be horrified by the things that I have done, and I’m doing those things to help people. This world isn’t kind, it’s not good, all we can do is try to make it better. Okay?”

 

Maccready nodded and Nate offered him a smile, the one he got in return wasn’t as big or bright as he would have liked, but it was a start. “I guess you’re right, I want to do better, and I made a promise to be better.”

 

“Let’s start by talking out the people that are standing in the way of that progress.”

 

It didn’t take very long for them to make their way to the Mass Pike Interchange after their heart-to-heart. Seeing the road brought a weird sort of nostalgia to Nate, he could remember driving on that road to head to the city for a night on the town. Now it was filled with killers who were just as likely to shoot you as they were to sell you to slavers for caps.

 

They took the few remaining hours of light to work out a plan of attack. Maccready knew the guard system pretty well, although he warned that they may have changed it since he left. Nate wasn’t too concerned with the Gunners, it was the Assaultron that Maccready mentioned that set his nerves on edge.

 

Their plan wasn’t the best, but with the way the interchange was set up it was the best one they had. Maccready’s job was too take out as many people as he could from the ground level while Nate snuck up on the dilapidated section of highway that crossed over the interchange. The idea was to take them out from above while Maccready drew their attention from the ground.

 

Everything went more or less according to plan. There was a brief moment where Nate was sure that he had been spotted but the woman on watch whispered something about Jet under her breath and then went back to her post. At one point Nate was sure that he was going to have to jump off the overpass to escape from the Assaultron that was quickly making its way to his position. Before he could fulfil that suicidal action a shot from below rang out. Nate smiled as the robot crumpled to the ground and he thanked whatever God was listening that the sniper was such an ace shot.

 

Afterwards Maccready met Nate up on top of the highway, his smile was wide and bright. “We did it, Boss, the Gunners won’t bother me again.” Nate was glad to see Maccready so happy and full of excitement, especially following their down-in-the-dumps conversation from earlier. They spent some time searching through the bodies and stashes picking up loads of ammo and supplies to sell when they made it back to Goodneighbor.

 

On the walk back Maccready pulled Nate off the road. “Listen, I’d like to think that we’re starting to become friends here, but I also like things to be even. So, here.” Maccready held out a bag and placed it in Nate’s hands. “These are the caps that you gave me in Goodneighbor. I want you to have them back.”

 

Nate turned the bag in his hands and it made the distinct sounds of caps sliding against each other. “I appreciate the idea Mac, but are you sure?” The sniper shook his head ‘yes’ and then stepped away from Nate in order to keep walking.

 

“It’s the least I can do after you helped me with Winlock and Barnes. And after our talk. I’m starting to trust you and I’d like to think you feel the same.”

 

Nate smiled at Mac even though the younger man couldn’t see and jogged to catch back up to him. “Does that mean you’ll stop calling me ‘Boss’?” The smallest of smiles tugged at Maccready’s lips.

 

“Nah, Boss, I think that’s gonna stay.”

 

The two boys stumbled into Goodneighbor high on success, mutual trust, and appreciation. Just as Nate turned to ask Maccready how he felt about turning in for the night the younger man slapped his hand down on Nate’s shoulder. “Drinks?” Nate laughed at the eagerness in his new friend’s voice and turned quickly, following Maccready into the bar. He watched as Maccready easily wormed his way back in to the VIP room and as a precaution Nate ensured that they weren’t about to get shot for heading back. Once Charlie confirmed that the room was theirs he walked quickly back into the poorly lit back room with a selection of alcohol.

 

Maccready’s voice echoed loudly in the small room as he talked to Nate and the two spent a few minutes discussing Nate’s plan to hire Maccready not only to protect Sanctuary but to teach others how to hone in their sniping skills. Maccready jumped at the chance to take it easier and was happy when he realized that he’d only be going after the occasional feral ghoul or raider. Nate could already tell that Mac seemed happier and more open to the ideas that Nate set out, weather it was the growing trust or the alcohol, he didn’t know. They agreed to head to Sanctuary the next day and discuss their plan with Preston, and maybe make a stop at the comic store on the way.

 

Not but five minutes later a figure appeared in the doorway to the lounge and Maccready lit up as soon as he spotted the man. “Well, well, well, if it isn’t the Commonwealth’s most infamous Ghoul.”

 

Nate looked up from his glass to see Mayor Hancock walk in. “If it isn’t the best sniper in the Commonwealth and my new friend.” The man had an easy-going smile across his face and just by looking at him Nate could tell he had been taking chems. “Nice to see you again, brother, how has my town been treating you?”

 

“All’s good with me, Mayor, couldn’t be happier.” Mac snorted next to him and whispered ‘Mayor’ under his breath. Hancock just dropped down on the couch between them and took the beer from Maccready’s hands.

 

Maccready grumbled but made no move to take back his drink. “Just Hancock is fine, my friend.” Nate had never been this close to a Ghoul before and was surprised at the level of heat that seemed to be pouring off of Hancock’s body. The mayor slid his free arm over Nate’s shoulder and pulled him into his side. “So, what are we drinking to today boys?”

 

Maccready perked up at the question and immediately launched into telling Hancock about their mission. Hancock seemed to be listening but Nate wondered exactly how much he was taking in. Between periodic sips of the beer the Ghoul took a long drag of Jet in the middle of Maccready’s story.

 

“What I’m hearing, brother, is that I no longer have to deal with those assholes coming into my town and harassing my people?” Maccready assured him that they would no longer be an issue. “Well then, Nate, you’re good in my book.”

 

“Always good to be on the right side of the town mayor.” Nate replied. The three sat and talked well into the night, and with Hancock’s presence Charlie was willing to part with the good alcohol that he kept stashed. The stuff was 100 caps a glass but Hancock was more than eager to share his wealth to encourage their good time.

 

Nate was glad to see that things seemed to be going well for him, it may have taken far too long, but he finally had a friend, maybe two, that he felt he could trust.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awe, things are looking up for our resident vault dweller, he finally has some friends!
> 
> As always, if you enjoyed feel free to leave a kudo, a comment, or come say hi to me on Tumblr. I'm also Randomwordsandstormydays on there.


	6. Good Rockin' Tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We're learning the importance of chem safety today - drink and have fun responsibly!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a reader I hate waiting games and cliffhangers, as a writer I can't seem to stop myself from creating them.

Nate groaned from somewhere deep down in his chest and immediately regretted it. He tried to open his eyes but the pain that exploded from the back of his skull was paralyzing. From somewhere off to his left he heard Maccready talking and the sound made him feel like an icepick was scrambling his brain.

 

“Boss, you okay?” Maccready’s voice was like little shards of glass digging into his skull. He went to open his mouth to shush him or lift his arm to wave him off but all that happened was that a pained groan escaped his lips.

 

“Looks like our boy here is feeling the effects of last night.” Hancock’s voice, which was usually smooth and silky, felt like sandpaper in his ears.

 

“Please stop talking.” Nate grimaced at the vibrations that his own words caused. “I need one of you to kill me.”

 

The sharp bark of laughter that came from Hancock was like a punch in the face and suddenly Nate wanted nothing more than to strangle the man. “Nah, I’ve got a better idea.” Something plastic and cool was placed up against Nate’s mouth and he peeked his eyes open to see a blue canister.

 

“I don’t do chems.” He said around the plastic. Maccready appeared in his peripherals.

 

“It’s Addictol, Boss, trust me.” Nate figured that he had made worse decisions in life and instead of continuing to argue simply closed his mouth around the canister and inhaled.

 

The relief was almost immediate and he let out a low groan of satisfaction as his body began to respond to the drug. Hancock removed the plastic from his mouth and stepped back, giving Nate the space to push himself up into a sitting position. Nate suddenly realized that he was cold and shaking. Hancock handed him another blue container. “You need another one, brother, you went a little wild last night.”

 

Nate eagerly took the Addictol and inhaled. Immediately he stopped shaking and he felt like his normal self. “What do you mean ‘wild’?” Maccready sat down next to him on the couch and laughed.

 

“You were drinking like normal but then you and Hancock decided that you could out-drink each other. I guess you’ve never really drank with a Ghoul because you didn’t seem to realize that they can drink so much more than a normal person. They process alcohol different or something.” Nate thought that that sounded vaguely familiar and cringed at his lack of knowledge.

 

Hancock leaned up against the wall across from him and gave him a grin. “You were keeping up for a while but even a pre-war boy like you couldn’t keep up with a Ghoul. Somewhere around drink 8 or 9 one of the bar patrons came to watch. She managed to convince you that taking some Mentats and Buffout would help you out. You took three or four of each before Mac here could stop you.” Nate placed his head in his hands and reprimanded himself for his stupidity.

 

“You had me worried for a bit, Boss, but instead of doing anything crazy you just passed out on the couch.” The humor was clear in Maccready’s voice and Nate had to use all of his willpower to keep from snapping at the younger man. Instead of violence he settled for humor.

 

“I’m never drinking with you guys again.” Nate lamented. “I don’t think I’ll survive next time.”

 

The two men who hadn’t almost died the night before chuckled at his statement. Maccready pulled Nate’s arms away from his face and grinned at him. “How about we get you some food, that’ll make up for this, yeah?”

 

Nate rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I get it Mac, you’re hungry. Let’s go see Daisy.” Hancock pushed off the wall and followed the pair out of the Third Rail.

 

Daisy lit up as soon as she saw Nate. “Hey there, you’ve got a message.” Nate looked at her oddly. “It’s from Valentine. He said he got a lead and wants you to meet him in Diamond City.”

 

Nate felt hot and cold at the same time, like he had been drenched in ice water and then throw in to an active volcano. Time seemed to slow down for a moment as the weight of what she had just said washed over him. He vaguely heard Maccready saying his name but it wasn’t enough to push past the fog that had slid over him.

 

Pain in his arm snapped him back to reality and he looked over to Hancock. “Did you just stab me?” A trial of blood was working its way down his arm.

 

“Nah, brother, just a little nick. We lost you for a second, are you alright?” Nate looked up to see three faces with clear concern and confusion.

 

“Yeah, Valentine was looking for leads on my son.” Both Hancock and Maccready’s faces shifted to one of understanding, he must have told them the full story last night, but Daisy still looked confused.

 

“Your boy run away?” She asked carefully.

 

“No, he was kidnapped, while I was still trapped in the vault.” Her lips parted in a small gasp and sympathy washed over her. He turned to Maccready. “Change of plans then, Grognock will have to wait. We’ll head to Diamond City and from there you can head out to Sanctuary.”

 

They thanked Daisy for her help and then made their way over to Kill Or Be Killed. Hancock departed before Nate was done with his transaction. Before he left he let Nate know that if he needed anything that he was willing to help out in any way that he could.

 

When Nate and Maccready made it to Diamond City Nate was a mess of nervousness and exhaustion. It was oddly reflective to the first time he made it to Diamond City. As he made him way into the ‘great green jewel of the Commonwealth’ he couldn’t help but think back to the first time he was there.

 

Meeting Piper and siding with her against the mayor, who wasn’t even close to Hancock’s level of charm and charisma, was an interesting introduction to the town and it only got weirder from there. He had met Moe whose idea of baseball was violent and aggressive, nothing like the actual sport. He had given a man named Sheffield a Nuka Cola and then offered him a job. He had met Ellie, Valentine’s secretary, and she had sent him on a mission to save the detective himself. Before heading out to find Valentine he had met with Piper and let her interview him. He was sure that she had been disappointed with his lackluster answers, but he hadn’t been in the best of moods. She didn’t seem to hold it against him, and even wished him luck in finding Valentine.

 

Maccready shifted nervously at the front gate and they both decided it would be best if the sniper didn’t enter. Instead Nate sent Maccready off with a few instruction on how to get to Sanctuary and handed him a letter to deliver to Preston. He had detailed out the library and his plans to introduce sniper courses to the new Soldiers that the Minutemen were recruiting, and he figured Preston would be just as skeptical about the ex-Gunner as he had been. He was sad to see Maccready go, the kid had grown on him and he made a mental note to stop by Sanctuary as soon as he could to check up on him.

 

As he pushed his way into Diamond City Nate thought back to when he first met Valentine. The darkness of the vault had only made the synth’s sharp yellow eyes look brighter and harsher, and the way his voice rattled from the battered section of his cheek had sent a shiver down Nate’s spine. He had looked dangerous.

 

Nate laughed to himself as he recalled that first interaction, as his initial impression of the detective couldn’t have been further from reality. Post-war Nate hadn’t met anyone who was so generous and kind, except maybe Preston. Nick had launched himself into the investigation of Shaun’s disappearance and had comforted him as he described the grisly murder of his wife. After the discovery of Kellogg’s secret room Nick had sent him on his way, letting Nate know that as soon as he found any leads that he’d send word.

 

For some reason he couldn’t identify he hesitated at the entrance to the agency. Something tingled at the back of his neck and he turned quickly to look down the alleyway. He saw nothing, but the feeling of being watched persisted. Nate chalked it up to his fear of what Valentine had to say and walked inside without another glance back. Had he done so Nate might have seen a flash of light bounce of a familiar pair of sunglasses.

 

Before Nate had even made his way fully into the agency Ellie spun around and shouted in glee. “Nate! I’m so glad to see you!” She quickly stepped around the front desk, being careful not to knock into the stack of files that sat atop it, and pulled him into a hug.

 

Nate hugged her tightly before pulling back and looking around. “Where’s Valentine? I got word that he had news for me.”

 

Ellie grinned up at him and swiftly moved back to filing documents. “He’s out on a case right now, we weren’t sure how long it would take word to get to you and work doesn’t stop.” She took a moment to clear off the desk and sat down. “How have you been, it’s been a few weeks, how are the Minutemen?”

 

Nate appreciated her distraction and spent the next couple of hours detailing to her his recent experiences with the Minutemen, Goodneighbor, and the Gunners. She was a wonderful listener and Nate was relaxed and content to enjoy her company. Just as she was finishing up a tale about one of Valentine’s most recent cases his stomach growled. She laughed at him as he flushed red and offered to walk him to the noodle stand.

 

Nate declined her offer, noting that it was late and that he needed to get a room at the Dugout before they were all taken.

 

“I’ll be sure to let Nick know where you are, you just try and get some rest.” He wished her a lovely evening and then stepped back out into the city.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are about to get very exciting, I hope you're ready. As always - if you enjoyed please let me know. Your comments ad kudos are what gives me the motivation to crank out 3,000 words a day when I should be working. My job made the mistake of letting me work on a computer and then leaving me unsupervised.


	7. Mighty, Mighty Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Travis needs some help. Vadim asks for a favor. Nate learns about the Railroad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know most of you have probably played 'confidence man' but I tried to make it more than just re-reading the gameplay. I hope you enjoy!

As Nate walked into the Dugout Inn he could hear Vadim loudly complaining about something to his brother Yefim, and as he got closer he realized he was complaining about Diamond City Radio. He took a seat at the bar and listened idly to the two bicker back and forth, waiting for the right moment to interrupt and order a beer.

 

Vadim seemed to notice him a few seconds later because his face lit up and he quickly slid over to stand in front of Nate. “You, you can help, yes? You are problem solver.”

 

Nate snorted at that and waved his arm, “I would _not_ say that, but maybe I can help.”

 

The smile that broke out across Vadim’s face caused Nate to smile in return. “Okay, so tell me, what do you think of Diamond City Radio, is terrible, yes?”

 

Nate pondered for a second and then offered a shrug. “I guess it could be better. I wouldn’t mind a few more song selections but that can’t really be helped.”

 

Vadim didn’t seem to like that answer and he sighed heavily. “No, no, the terrible part is Travis, yes? He is always nervous and stuttering. Makes you want to shoot yourself.” A look of pain crossed over Vadim’s face as he spoke, Nate hadn’t realized that it was so bad, he didn’t play music very often. When he expressed this to Vadim the man seemed disappointed. “Would you like to help anyways?”

 

Nate agreed and then regretted his decision not two minutes later as Vadim eagerly jumped to ways that they could kill Travis. Nate cut the conversation off very quickly and looked at Vadim warily. “You can’t honestly want to kill him, right?”

 

The silenced stretched out between them for only a few seconds, but it was long enough for nervousness to bubble up under Nate’s skin. The quiet was interrupted by a loud and boisterous laugh from Vadim and then Yefim was quickly speaking up. “No, my brother is not serious, he jokes, honest.” The nervousness that Nate could sense from Yefim and the way that Vadim was laughing hard enough to stop his breathing made Nate of an inclination to believe him.

 

“Yes, yes, is only joke. I quite like Travis, he is friend. But in all seriousness he needs confidence. He is terrible on radio and I want to help.” Vadim’s eyes were still shining with playfulness but Nate sensed an air of paternal affection, he could sympathize with that.

 

“That I can get behind, what’s the plan?”

 

Vadim shuffled out from behind the bar and waved Nate over to him. “Come, come, follow me and we shall discuss details.”

 

Nate pushed himself away from the bar and began to follow Vadim, as he walked he realized that he still hadn’t gotten his beer. He frowned at the thought but shrugged internally and followed the loudest of the Bobrov brothers. The man pulled him into a small alcove of a wall, what looked like their kitchen, and then quickly launched into his plan.

 

“I am thinking Travis needs to learn to stand up for himself. He needs to see that there are more important thing to worry about than simple radio show.” Vadim was animated as he talked, his voice was louder than anyone else’s and he gestured often with his hands. “I know a few people, ones that would be willing to fake a fight for a few caps. Men that would pretend to lose for a few caps more.”

 

Nate considered the idea for a few seconds. If Vadim trusted these people to lose on purpose with no ill-will then it could be a great idea. _Plus_ , he mussed, _if things did go south I could always step in and put them down_.

 

“I am thinking that they goad Travis into fight. He comes here for dinner most nights, after six. That would be best time for fight, yes?”

 

The excitement was clear and plain across Vadim’s face and Nate couldn’t seem to find any ill-will hidden behind his eyes. “I think that’s a good idea, I’ll encourage Travis to stand up for himself and then I’ll step in if he needs any help.”

 

If Nate thought Vadim had reached his full level of elation than he was wrong, at Nate’s words the man seemed to explode with anticipation. “Yes, yes, thank you, I appreciate the help. You have free beers until tomorrow. I will tell Scarlet. Be ready after six.” He thanked Nate one more time and then pushed past him, muttering something about getting the fight arranged.

 

Nate couldn’t help the feel of anticipation that trickled down his spine, this was the first fight that he had ever planned for. Even knowing that it was a planned and fake fight did nothing to calm Nate’s nerves.

 

_I think those beers are in order._

 

Nate left the small kitchen area with every intent to head back to the bar, but he stopped short when he saw the partially opened door directly across from him. Curiosity was screaming at him to enter the room and explore, but some delicate, pre-war notion of privacy was telling him to just walk away. Ultimately, his overwhelming need to know everything about everyone won out and he quickly slipped into the room and shut the door behind him.

 

It immediately became apparent that this was the Bobrov brother’s bedroom. Nate knew right away which side of the bedroom was Yefim’s and which side was Vadim’s, and the striking difference between the two made Nate laugh. He slid through the room quickly and quietly, trying his hardest not to get caught. Nate found nothing of interest. The terminal entries were boring and so was the rest of the room. He had decided that his excursion was a waste of time when he spotted a holotape on the desk by the door.

 

It was hidden behind a pile of towels and Nate figured that the reward of taking the tape and listening to it would outweigh any potential risk he could run of getting caught. He turned the volume down on his pip-boy and then loaded up the tape. It crackled for a few seconds before a woman’s voice, strong and clear, sounded from the speakers.

 

_“Wake up, Commonwealth. Synths are not your enemy. They are victims in this war, as well. True, they were created by the Institute. But they were created as slaves. Thinking, feeling, and dreaming beings utterly oppressed by their tyrannical masters. So join us in fighting the real enemy: The Institute. Join the Railroad. When you’re ready for that next step, don’t worry, we’ll find you.”_

 

Nate was surprised by the determination that he could hear in the woman’s voice, she really believed in everything that she was saying. She was devoted to her cause. After meeting Valentine, he was inclined to believe that the Railroad was correct in their views. The synth detective was more human than some of the “real people” that he had met in his short time in the Commonwealth. He also hadn’t grown up surrounded by Institute fear and paranoia. Nate knew that this gave him a rare outlook on the synths and the Institute.

 

_I’ll have to check out this Railroad, maybe they can help me_.

 

Nate placed the holotape back as close to its original position as he could get and then quietly slid out the door and back into the Dougout. He glanced at his pip-boy and noticed that he still had an hour until Travis was due to show up for his fight and he quickly settled himself back at the bar.

 

He waved at Scarlett, the Dugout’s lone bartender/waitress and she moved over to him, a tight smile on her face. “Hello there, you’re Nate, right?”

 

“I am, have we met before?” She shook her head and gestured to the portable computer on his arm.

 

“Not many people have those, and you’re kinda popular around here. Anyways, Vadim says your drinks are free, what can I get you?” He ordered a beer and some squirrel on a stick, content to sit and rest until Vadim’s plan was ready to be enacted.

 

He was sipping easy on his third beer when Vadim shot up from behind the bar and smiled at Nate. “He is here, Bull, the tall one. Time for some fun.” Nate swung around in the bar stool and then stood up. He easily made his way over to Travis, just in time to catch the tail end of a threat from who he assumed was Vadim’s contact Bull and a friend.

 

He only half listened to the stuttered out reply that Travis gave before shoving his way into the conversation. “Travis, buddy, are you gonna let him talk to you like that?” Travis physically startled at his presence and Nate began to doubt the success of this scheme.

 

His question only seemed to egg the two men on as they simultaneously turned to Travis. Nate felt nerves prick at his skin as the taller of the two men slid forward. Something about the situation made Nate’s nerves shoot into high alert. He could tell that the two men were a breath away from making this a real fight, he could sense their barely concealed bloodlust. They reminded him of Raiders.

 

The man closest to Travis continued to threaten the timid man, Bull’s size advantage was causing Travis to quickly lose his nerve. Nate opened his mouth to defuse the situation, bring the conversation back to that “fake fight” level.

 

“C’mon Travis, don’t let them push you around. I’m right here to support you.” He heard the words come out of his mouth but Nate had no control over them. _That isn’t what I mean to say_ , he thought. Instant regret slid over his skin and suddenly Nate felt sick.

 

The dark-skinned man closest to Nate tore his focus away from Travis and began to approach him. Nate took a small step back and glanced over at Travis, he was standing his ground. He caught the tail end of Travis’ sentence, “-I’ll beat you up.”

 

Nate closed his eyes against the stupidity and when he opened Bull was looking at Nate but his words were meant for the radio host, “Big mistake, Travis, I’m gonna make you pay for that.”

 

Nate reacted to the punch before his conscious brain registered it, he swung his arm out and blocked the fist heading for his face. The shorter man, who’s name Nate had yet to learn, jumped back as Nate grabbed for his arm, putting a few feet of distance between them. Nate used his momentum to take a step forward and wrap his hand around the man’s arm. He jerked back quickly and physically drug the man into his waiting fist, surprising himself at his own ability.

 

The man in his arm collapsed to the floor while holding his face and Nate stepped back to turn and help Travis with the other man. He located the two quickly and was just about to reach out and drag Bull back when Travis pulled his arm back for a hit.

 

Nate watched, in what seemed to be slow-motion, as Travis’ fist connected with the face of his aggressor. Pride bloomed in Nate’s chest as the man actually stepped back and looked shocked. Travis just stared at his hand, his face was a cross between elation and confusion. Nate quickly stepped between Travis and the man and shoved Bull back before he could retaliate.

 

Bull growled out a response that didn’t register to Nate’s ear before grabbing his friend from the floor and storming out. Damage control done, Nate turned to Travis. The man was shaking, from fear or adrenaline Nate couldn’t tell. “That was so cool, I-I actually hit him. D-did you see that?” His voiced raised higher in pitch near the end of his revelation and it actually brought a smile to Nate’s face.

 

“Yeah, buddy, you did a really good job. They won’t be messing with you anytime soon.” He offered a few more comforting words before sending Travis on his way back home.

 

He had barely taken a moment to breathe and consider the events that just occurred when Vadim shouted from behind him. “That was amazing, my friend, the fight was almost believable, even to me!” His boisterous voice resounded in the bar and many patrons turned to look at him with annoyed looks.

 

Nate turned back to the bar and leaned closer to Vadim resting most of his weight on his elbows. “Yeah, I think that was a job well done. Think it’ll work?” Nate asked as he sat down at the bar once more.

 

“I think it is a good start. Next part is better.” Nate groaned internally and rubbed at his eye.

 

“Next part? What do you plan on having him do next, fight a damn Deathclaw?” Vadim’s laugh was just as loud as usual and Nate could feel the beginnings of a headache coming on.

 

“No, my friend, but I think next part is just as scary for a man like Travis.”

 

A dozen situations flashed through his mind at what Vadim could have planned next. He imagined storming a raider den or cleaning out a group of ferals. He pictured helping Travis assassinate a high profile leader or rescue a caravan. None of it seemed like something Nate had the energy for.

 

“I think Travis needs a date.” Out of all the things that Vadim could have said, that was not at all what Nate thought he was going.

 

The shock caused Nate to burst out into laughter. “No, it is not funny, I see the way Travis looks at Scarlet, the waitress. I also see the way she looks at him.” Nate let the laughter bubble out of him for a few seconds more before he calmed himself down. “I think if someone who is not her employer recommended she talk to Travis that maybe she listen.”

 

The idea of young and hesitant love was something that Nate hadn’t thought about in a long time, not since him and Nora first got together. He had to trust Vadim’s word, since he hadn’t actually watched an interaction between the two young adults. His faith wasn’t necessary misplaced with the fight that Vadim had arranged, but Nate was warry to blindly follow Vadim’s lead. However, this seemed innocent enough and the worst that could happen would be Scarlet turning Travis down.

 

“Alright Vadim, I’ll talk to her, but I’m not gonna force her to do anything she doesn’t want to.” Vadim nodded enthusiastically.

 

“Of course, I would not want that. Only want best for them. Scarlet is on break now. She likes to take it by the mutfruit fields.” Nate, once again, pushed himself away from the barstool and stood up on his feet. He shot a quick wave over to Yefim and then headed back out into Diamond City.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Travis is one of my favorite NPCs and his quest just makes me happy! If you enjoy please leave a kudo or a comment and be on the lookout for a chapter on Thursday.


	8. Pistol Packin' Mama

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scarlett spills her feelings. Nate remembers Nora. The Railroad makes a move. We meet up with some old friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're finishing up 'Confidence Man' today folks. Get ready for some confusion and feelings. I apologize for the game dialog that comes up, sometimes it flows better than using my own words.

It was only just pushing past seven at night, but the sun had already set behind the tall walls of the old baseball stadium. Nate shuddered at the slight breeze and contemplated waiting until the next day to speak to Scarlet. Instead he made his way across the city and towards the back of the planters. He saw Scarlet leaning against a post, looking out into the mutfruit, smoking a cigarette.

 

He approached her quietly, but not stealthily, trying his hardest not to startle her. She turned when his shoes crunched loudly in the dirt and exhaled a quick breath of smoke. “I’m on a break, sorry.”

 

He shrugged his shoulders and leaned against the fence. “Can I bum a smoke?” He asked instead of address her statement. She considered him for a moment and then silently held her pack out to him. He pulled a cigarette out of the carton and then lit it with one of the many lighters he had. The smoke curled into his lungs and he could feel the relaxation as it slipped over him.

 

He hadn’t smoked a cigarette since Nora got pregnant and the way his body sang in response to the nicotine caused a soft sigh to escape him. Scarlet watched him curiously, but said nothing as he continued to inhale and exhale smoke. Once he was about half way through he turned to her. “What do you think about Travis?”

 

She startled at his question and then rotated away. Nate wasn’t blind and he noticed the pink hue that crossed over her cheeks, accentuated by the harsh street lamp above her.

 

“He was really brave today at the Dugout. It’s rare to see him stand up for himself.” She seemed to struggle with her thoughts for a second and then she turned towards Nate. “He’s usually very sweet, but sometimes I worry that he’s too good. Good things don’t last long in this world.”

 

“It’s best to hold on to the good things when they come then, isn’t it?” His mind flashed to Nora and he forced himself to focus. She considered his words for a moment, silent but for her breathing. Nate finished his cigarette and crushed the filter between his fingers before dropping it to the ground. Scarlet followed the motion and then held her pack out to him again. He took another one but only placed it between his lips instead of lighting it.

 

“I wouldn’t mind spending some time with him.” She seemed to not realize that she had spoken out loud and Nate noticed the blush on her cheeks darken. “But I’m not sure he wants that.”

 

“How will you ever know if you don’t talk to him?”

 

“You’re right, but how do I know that he feels the same?” Nate turned to her and smiled.

 

“Scarlet, c’mon, a man like that- you have to make the first move. He’s too scared of getting turned down. I mean, not to sound like a creep or anything, but you’re a very attractive young woman- you intimidate him.” She ducked her head at his words, but Nate saw a smile blossom across her face. “I promise, if you walk over to the station right now and tell him what you told me, you’ll see he feels the same.”

 

“I still have some time left for my break, I think I’ll do just that.” She placed her pack of cigarettes back into her jacket pocket and then looked over at Nate. “Thank you, I appreciate you talking to me.” He just smiled and waved her away.

 

After she was gone Nate lit up the cigarette that was still hanging from his mouth. The smell of smoke had already settled around the area, but there was nothing quite like the smooth drag of a cigarette to help calm his nerves. It had been an eventful day and the bite of the nicotine as it slid down the back of his throat and into his lungs brought a sense of calmness about him that he hadn’t felt in a long time.

 

 _Nora would be so disappointed in me right now_. His thought felt like a punch to the gut and he screwed his eyes shut, trying to keep it away. _Nora would be disappointed in a lot of things I do, one or two cigarettes isn’t a big deal in the grand scheme of things._ He inhaled deeply and let the smoke wash away his distressing thoughts.

 

He stood for a few more moments, letting the breeze sink into him before he crushed out the second smoke and turned away from the fence. Looking at his pip-boy showed him that he had been outside for nearly an hour and suddenly he felt cold. He figured it wasn’t too early to call it a night and started his walk back to the Dugout.

 

On his way back he passed a couple of men who seemed to be working on the wiring of the homes for the city.

 

“Sometimes you gotta wonder. Does anyone fight back? Institute has to have enemies, right?” Nate fought off the urge to roll his eyes and was about to leave the two to their conversation when the second man spoke up.

 

“What? You mean the Railroad? That’s a fairy tale, man. They don’t exist.” Nate paused and leaned against the wall, listening in closer. He could hear the distain in the man’s voice and he felt annoyance creep up on him. _At least they’re trying_ , he thought angrily.

 

“Nah, I heard from my cousin. He knows a guy that works for ‘em. They got a code phrase and everything. ‘Follow the Freedom Trail’.”

 

 _Follow the Freedom Trail_. Nate repeated to himself.

 

“The hell is that supposed to mean? You’re full of it, and that kind of talk is gonna get you snatched up by the Synths.”

 

The two began to bicker and Nate tuned the rest of what they said out in favor of heading back to the Dougout. The conversation floated around in his head for a moment, and suddenly he wondered if maybe that was a conversation he overheard on purpose.

 

 _When you’re ready for that next step, don’t worry, we’ll find you._ The line from the holotape came back to him suddenly and he turned on his heel. He dashed back to the alley where he had heard the two men. He wasn’t surprised at all to see that they were gone, the panel they had been working on was closed, and it was like they never existed.

 

He wondered how long the Railroad had been following him and he pondered how they had known that he had listened to the holotape just a few hours ago. It made him feel like he was being watched and he quickly rushed back to the bar and ducked inside.

 

Nate was met with chaos as soon as he opened the door.

 

Yefim immediately pushed past the crowd of people and made his way to Nate. “Nate, my friend, Vadim has been kidnapped!” The quieter of the two Bobrov brothers was loud as he explain what had happened to Nate. “I do not want to ask you to do more than you have already done, but please, tell Travis, get his help to save my brother.”

 

Nate finally took in the scene around him, the bar was covered in broken glasses and what looked like beer, the tables and chairs in the main room were turned over, and the people inside the bar looked shaken. _I guess Bull wasn’t as willing to take the fall as Vadim said._

 

Yefim was still looking at him, waiting on an answer, and Nate turned back to him. He tried to hide the exhaustion on his face and instead of saying no, like he so desperately wanted to, he agreed. “Don’t worry Yefim, I’ll get him back.” The look of gratefulness almost made his tiredness worth it.

 

 Nate turned back around and left the Dugout, again, and made his way back towards Travis’ radio center. As he stepped around the corner he noticed a familiar face. “Dogmeat!” The dog turned towards his voice and then immediately took off in his direction. The bundle of fur launched himself at Nate’s hips and caused the man to tumble backwards and on to the floor.

 

He laughed, quick and loud, as the German Shepard licked his face and barked in happiness. “I missed you, buddy, how have you been?” He got nothing but another lick in response.

 

“He missed you too.” Nate peeked over the brown and black fur and saw Valentine standing at his feet.

 

“Hey, Nick, I stopped by earlier but you weren’t there. Ellis said you had a case.” Valentine shrugged and then extended out his hand to help Nate to his feet.

 

“Finally put the Earl Sterling case to rest, and checked up on my old friend Marty. Neither one ended well.” Any other resident of Diamond City wouldn’t have flinched at that news, people died all the time in the Commonwealth. Nate, however, was still a pre-war softie.

 

“I’m sorry Nick, do you want to talk about it?” Valentine shook his head.

 

“No, I’m used to it. I’m not looking forward to telling Ellie, though.” Nick appraised him and tilted his head as he took in Nate’s clothes. “Why do you look like you’re not heading to bed right now?”

 

Suddenly, Nate remembered that he wasn’t outside for a social call. “Fuck, I actually forgot. Vadim’s been kidnapped, it’s a long story but I have to go get Travis.” If Nick had an eyebrow he would have raised it. Nate caught his incredulous look anyways. “Like I said, long story. You’re welcome to tag along.”

 

Nick shrugged, “Sure thing, kid. Lead the way.” Nate smiled at the synth and then leaned down to pet Dogmeat.

 

“Go on back to the agency, boy, I’ll see you soon.” Dogmeat’s eyes seemed to radiate sadness but Nate just gave him a quick scratch behind the ears and turned away.

 

After talking to Travis for what Nate thought was much too long, they finally managed to convince the man that it wasn’t his fault that Vadim was kidnapped and that they needed his help to get him back. The three of them worked out a tentative plan of action and then set out for Beantown Brewery.

 

It was pushing well into the night when the trio finally made their way into the compound and Nate could feel sleep tugging at his limbs. He pushed past it and stopped Travis before he could rush into the building alone.

 

“First of all, no, I take the lead. Second of all, do you even know how to shoot that thing?” He asked, gesturing to the pipe pistol Travis had managed to acquire. He shook his head ‘yes’, but Nate wasn’t convinced. “Listen, I know Vadim is your friend but you’re helping no one if you run in half-cocked. Stay between me and Valentine and try not to get hurt.”

 

The nervousness seemed to come of Travis in waves and Nate suddenly regretted taking the radio-host with them. Against his better judgment Nate simply shoved his concerns aside and walked inside.

 

The rescue went surprisingly well. By the end of it Vadim was laughing and congratulating Travis on a job well done. The young man had been rattled earlier when one of Vadim’s captors had shoved him up against the wall, but looking at Travis now you wouldn’t even know. He walked confidently and spoke without as much as a single stutter. Valentine watched the three of them with an odd look on his face and Nate simple smiled at him in return. Nate let Travis take Vadim home, since he wanted to take this time to talk to Nick.

 

The two made their way back to Diamond City at a very easy pace. Nick listened closely as Nate detailed everything he had been through since the last time they had spoken. As he wound up his story Nick reached out his hand to place it on Nate’s arm. The vault dweller turned towards him and stopped walking.

 

“You’ve been through a lot recently, have you talked to anyone?” Nate didn’t respond but his face must have given something away. “You don’t have to suffer through this alone, Nate. I’m here and it sounds like that kid Maccready would listen too. You have friends.”

 

Nate stepped away from the synth and continued to walk back towards the city. “I’m fine, Nick, I just need to find my son. Once I’ve got him back I’ll slow down, until then I just need to keep moving.” Nick let out a sigh at Nate’s dismissive answer but followed the vault dweller anyways.

 

Nate glanced at him and then opened his mouth as to speak but then shut it and looked away. It was silent for a few moments as the two walked. The road back to Diamond City was clear and they ran into no trouble, for the first time Nate actually wished for a fight, anything to break up the tension in the air. When they arrived back to the city Nate glanced at the time on his pip-boy and wasn’t surprised to see that it was pushing past two in the morning.

 

He felt like he hadn’t slept in days and even though his mind was screaming at him to ask Nick what he found out about his son, he wasn’t sure he had the energy for it. Instead he followed Nick into the city, waved goodbye to him at the bottom of the ramp, and turned back towards the Dugout.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Nate, is he ever going to get a break? Knowing me, probably not.
> 
> If you enjoyed please let me know. Your kudos and comments feed my motivation to write.
> 
> Come say hi on Tumblr, you can find me at Randomwordsandstormydays.


	9. Crazy He Calls Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nate asks Valentine about the Railroad and finds out where Kellogg has been hiding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nate is so impatient and that's just me as a person bleeding into his character.

The next morning Nate rolled himself out of bed and dropped himself down on a stool at the bar. He craved an energy drink more than he had craved anything else since coming out of the vault and he wondered for a moment if there were any Rip-It or Monster factories near-by.

 

_Probably not_ , he mussed, _Nuka Cola ran every drink out of business, energy drink or not. The only reason I got them was through the Army._

 

Neither Vadim nor Yefim had yet to make an appearance and Nate thanked whoever or whatever deity was out there that he was able to sit in relative silence. He left as soon as he thought he was awake enough and quickly made his way over to Valentine’s Detective Agency.

 

As Nate pushed open the door he was greeted by the sweet scent of cigarettes and coffee. The smell alone sent sparks of alertness through his body and he took a second to just breathe.

 

“Nate, is that you?” Ellie’s voice drifted down from the back room and before he could answer she peeked her head around the corner. “Hey you! You look tired, want some coffee?”

 

“Yes please.” She laughed at his eagerness and then moved past him to get to the coffee pot that was set up on the back desk. Behind her Dogmeat appeared and he leaned over to scratch behind the dog’s ears, he whined in response.

 

“Nick! Come down here, don’t keep Nate waiting.” He smiled at her and then took a seat in the chair by the door. He remembered the first time he sat in the chair and he shivered at the memory. Just as Ellie handed him his cup of coffee Valentine turned the corner.

 

“Morning, how are you feeling after last night?” Nick shuffled past Ellie and dropped down in the chair across from Nate.

 

“I’ll be much better after I drink this.” He said, lifting his cup to show Nick.

 

“Not nearly as good as pre-war, but it’ll do in a pinch.” Nate agreed, no coffee he had tasted yet was anywhere near what he was used to.

 

The three of them sat in a comfortable silence for a few moments while Ellie and Nate finished their drinks. Nate sat the cup down and noticed that his heart was pounding.

 

_I’m not ready_. He realized. _I’m not ready for whatever Nick has to say_. Nate watched as Nick pulled down the file that he knew to be his and he wiped his suddenly damp hands on his jeans.

 

Before Nate could consider what he was doing he slammed his hand down on the desk and over the file. “What do you know about the Railroad?” Nick glanced at him oddly and Ellie turned back to face him from where she had begun to work. He leaned away from the desk and pulled his hand back into his lap. He breathed out a sigh of relief when Valentine closed the file.

 

“Why do you want to know?” Relief washed over Nate, glad that Valentine was letting him take the out. He spent a few moments detailing what had occurred in the Dugout and later in the alley.

 

Both Valentine and Ellie looked at a loss of what to say but then Nick chuckled and pulled out a cigarette. As he lit it he glanced over at Ellie and nodded his head towards the door. “Ellie, doll, why don’t you take your break?” For a moment it looked like she would argue but instead she smiled tightly and slipped out the door.

 

When the door closed Nate focused back on Nick. The synth was exhaling smoke and Nate watch, hyper-focused, as the smoke escaped out the battered section of skin across his cheek. Nick’s voice brought him back to reality. “Sounds like they want to recruit you. Out of all the groups in the Commonwealth they’re the only ones fighting for synths. They help escaped synths get away from the Institute, give them new faces and identities.”

 

“So they’re good people?”

 

“I don’t know, I think they’re fighting a losing battle, but at least they’re fighting the Institute instead of just cowering in fear. As far as I know they’ve never done anything violent or dangerous. They’re freedom fighters, but less…” He paused, thinking “…extremist.” Nate considered this for a moment.

 

“What synths do they save? All of them?”

 

“As far as I can tell just the Gen 3’s, minus the coursers.” Nick must have noticed the look of confusion on Nate’s face because he took a moment to explain what coursers were. To Nate, they sounded like a fast way to die, Nick agreed. “Basically, if you see one, run.”

 

“Do you think I should join them?”

 

“I think you should hear what they have to say.” Nate settled back into the plush chair and rubbed a hand over his face. “They’re not just going to come right out and ask you to join. They want to vet you, make sure you’re not an Institute spy or anything like that. They’ve only stayed alive as long as they have because of their secrecy.”

 

Nick made sense and understanding washed over Nate, he had been slightly annoyed by the secrets and the hints, but it all made sense. _Follow The Freedom Trail_ , he thought idly, _maybe I’ll do just that_. Their conversation died down and Nate made the mistake of looking at the file that Valentine still had on the desk.

 

“Are you ready to talk about what I found out?” Valentine had clearly tried to make his question sound light and easy but it sent a wave of sharp heat across Nate’s chest. He tried to stay calm in the face of the question, but his breath was coming in short and he felt too warm.

 

“I have to face it eventually.” His voice wavered, even as he tried to sound sure. Nick’s face flashed with sympathy as he opened the file. Dogmeat seemed to sense his unease and moved to place his head in Nate’s lap, he found comfort in the action and took a deep breath to steady himself.

 

When Nick began to talk it was faster than usual, like he was trying to tell Nate everything quickly in case he passed out. “The man’s name is Conrad Kellogg, last spotted with a boy around the age of ten. He left a while ago and no one knew where. I was stumped, but when Dogmeat showed up a few days ago I got the idea. He and I tracked his scent to a building towards the west.”

 

Nate let the information wash over him. _Shaun’s not here. But he’s close_. The thought calmed him. “How do you know he’s still there?”

 

“Besides the fact that there were active turrets on the roof? Dogmeat didn’t pick up a scent leaving, and I trust his nose.” Nick’s slight snark brought a small smile to Nate’s face.

 

“I do too. So, where exactly is he?”

 

“Fort Hagen.” The name caused Nate’s heart to stutter for a moment. “Are you okay?” Valentine’s voice echoed concern and he sat forward.

 

“Yeah, I just, I know that place. I used to go there pre-war.” _For therapy appointments_. He didn’t say that out loud. “I know exactly where it is.” He went to push himself up but Nick raised his hand to stop him.

 

“You’re not leaving now, are you?” Valentine frowned and shook his head at Nate. “You can’t do that, you’re practically dead on your feet. Kellogg isn’t some random raider, he’s a well versed mercenary.”

 

Nate jerked up from the chair and shouted out into the office. “He has my son, Nick! I can’t just sit here now that I know where he is- I’ve already lost ten years!” He could feel the frustration gathering up inside of him and he forced himself to lower his voice. “I understand your concern, and I appreciate it, really, but I have to get my son. I have to get Shaun.”

 

Valentine’s face softened and he sighed. “I can never fully understand what you’re going through, but you need to think about this rationally. If it comes down to a fight, are you in any shape to retaliate?” Nate’s body slumped like a doll whose strings had been cut.

 

“No, I’m not.” His head ducked down and he reached up to run a hand through his hair. “You’re right, I just want him back.” The longer he had to wait the more anxious Nate felt, and eventually he was going to hit a wall.

 

“I know, but go back to the Dugout, get some more sleep. Later today, stop by Arturo and get some weapon upgrades. When you feel rested and ready we can go.”

 

“No.” Valentine glanced at him oddly. “I’m going alone, Nick.”

 

The detective let out a laugh that was completely devoid of humor. “What part of ‘well versed mercenary’ didn’t you understand?” Nate could see the concern written all over Nick’s face and he sighed, letting his eyes drift shut for just a moment. When he opened them back up Nick was right in front of him with a calculating look plastered all over his synthetic skin. “You can’t go alone. You need back-up, and if you won’t take me then at least head back to Sanctuary and grab Maccready or Preston. Give this old synth some peace of mind. Please, Nate.”

 

Nate studied Nick’s face for a moment before giving in. “Fine, I had planned on making a pit-stop at Sanctuary anyways, I’ll grab Mac on my way out.” His words seemed to have the desired effect that Nate was looking for because the man moved back, giving him some space to breathe.

 

“Alright, now go. I’ll let Ellie know the plan.” Nate smiled at him before looking down at Dogmeat.

 

“You’re gonna stay here with Nick just a little while longer, okay boy?” Dogmeat barked up at him and wagged his tail sadly. Before Nate left he looked back over his shoulder to Nick. “I’ll come back here when I’m done, okay? At the very least I’ll send word with the Minutemen that I’m alright.”

 

Nick reached over the desk to flip shut the file he had opened for Nate. “I’ll be waiting, good luck.” The two shared one more friendly glance between the two of them and then parted ways.

 

Nate took Valentine’s advice and spent a good portion of the day outside Arturo’s working on upgrading his weapons and taking it easy. Once he had everything set and ready as best as he could - until he could reach the better materials he had stored at Sanctuary - he made his way one last time to the Dugout. Nate passed out not too long after falling into bed and, to his surprise, he slipped into a relatively peaceful sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all for today y'all, again if you liked this please let me know (I'm 100% desperate for validation btw).


	10. Easy Living

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nate heads out to find Kellogg but runs into a little trouble on the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really excited for this chapter. Enjoy!

Nate left Diamond City just as the sun was starting to set on the horizon. He grimaced as the door screeched behind him and tossed a quick glance off to his left and right to make sure that there weren’t any dangers waiting just outside. Seeing nothing Nate nodded at the Diamond City security guard to his left and started the long trek back to Sanctuary.

 

He wished, for just a moment that he had brought Valentine with him. Another gun at his side, especially one as talented and as smart at Nick, was something that Nate had learned very quickly not to take for granted. But he didn’t want to burden Nick with anything else, he had already done so much to help him find Kellogg, this was his fight and he was going to confront the bastard that killed Nora himself. He refused to feel bad about wanting to confront the kidnapping murderer alone.

 

Nate did, however, feel bad for lying. He had no intention of picking up Maccready on his way to Fort Hagen and he hoped that that information never made its way back to Nick. He knew the advice was sound, but just as he didn’t want to burden Nick, he didn’t want to add to Maccready’s problems.

 

So, instead, he slowly picked his way through the downtown area, making sure to avoid the super mutant and raider hotspots. He was just past Hangman’s Alley when gunfire caused him to drop in a crouch and duck behind the shell of a car.

 

There was a man in a long leather coat, and he was firing at a young woman. The sound of his laser rifle sent a shiver down Nate’s spine, and the hesitant fire of the woman’s pipe pistol was sad in comparison. The man was slowly making his way towards the girl and Nate could see her panic growing.

 

Without thinking Nate whipped his rifle up and shot at the man. For a brief second Nate thought the man might ignore his fire and continue to peruse the woman. And he did, until one of Nate’s shots caught him in what looked to be his ear. After that the man whipped around, revealing broad shoulders, dark sunglasses, and a pissed off expression.

 

 _Courser_. Nate thought. He remembered what Nick had said to him just yesterday morning “If you see one, run.”  These Gen 3 synths were made for combat, they were sent to collect run away synths from the Institute. They were built for fighting, killing, and doing high levels of damage quickly. _And I just pissed one off._

 

It was too late to follow Nick’s advice and with a speed Nate almost couldn’t believe the Courser ducked behind the cover of a concrete wall and started to fire at him. Nate dropped to his knee and tucked himself further behind the car. His only solace was that the Courser had moved further from the girl in order to get at him. The laser rifle fire was still dangerously close to his head and Nate knew that if he stayed where he was that the Courser would just walk up on him. If that happened he was dead.

 

As the fire died down Nate took his chance. He left his cover quickly, lifted his rifle, and began to fire at the last place he had seen the Courser. He saw the man press further into the alcove he had found. Nate pressed the trigger in small bursts. Often enough to make sure that there was no time for cover fire, but slow enough that he wouldn’t run out of bullets in the middle of the road.

 

Nate’s heart was pounding as his counted his shots. He only had 30 rounds in his magazine and he had spent half of them already. At this rate he’d be out of ammo. Nate picked up his pace and whipped around the corner just as his magazine emptied.

 

The Courser was prepared however, and Nate felt like an idiot. As soon as he got around the wall he took a shot to the arm. He dropped his weapon and dove at the Courser. The synth seemed shocked at this, and stumbled back. The force of Nate’s body slamming into him caused them both to tumble to the ground.

 

The Courser was quick to recover, however. In the time it took Nate to orient himself the synth had already gotten a leg around him and rolled Nate off of his body. Nate landed on his side and grunted at the pain. Just as he was reaching for his knife the Courser grabbed him by the throat. Nate managed to suck in one last breath before the force of the fingers cut off his oxygen supply.

 

The Courser rolled up on his knees and stood up, quickly yanking Nate off the ground. His feet found traction on the ground and Nate tried to push back. He was scrambling at the hand wrapped around his throat with little success when the Courser slammed his body back against the concrete wall. The force of it would have knocked the wind out of him if his throat wasn’t behind held closed. Instead it caused pain to blossom over his body and shoot through his already fuzzying mind.

 

 _I can’t die before I find Shaun_. He thought. _Think Nate. Think. You have to do something_. Nate suddenly remembered the knife strapped to his leg and dropped his arm to grab it. His vision was swimming and black spots were sliding across his eyes. He managed to pop the button off of the sheath when his body stopped responding to his brain.

 

Without his assistance, the hand around his throat dropped from his neck and Nate fell to the floor. He greedily sucked in air, but every breath felt like he was trying to swallow a knife. He fumbled for the stimpack he had and quickly jammed it into his neck. As the stim quickly did its job Nate looked up. The Courser was reeling backwards and had brought his hand up to protect his face.  Nate looked to see his savior and was pleasantly surprised to see the young woman, he had assumed that she would have ran as soon as the Courser had taken his focus off of her.

 

Apparently she had picked up his rifle and beat the Courser over the head with it, it would have made him laugh in any other situation. His vision was returning to normal, and every breath was easier to draw. However, the synth recovered faster than Nate and before he could do anything to help the Courser was knocking his gun from the girl’s hands and slamming her against the other wall.

 

Nate knew he only had a precious moment before the Courser killed them both. He quickly grabbed his knife from the sheath and launched himself at the Courser again. This time he had the upper hand, since the synth’s back was to him.

 

“D1-N3, recall code Alp-” Nate’s knife sunk into the Courser’s throat before he could finish his sentence. He ripped it sideways and out, spraying blood across the woman’s face. The Courser released the synth and she scrambled back, he raised one hand up to his throat and Nate saw him reach for his weapon with the other. Nate unloaded his pistol into the Courser’s head before he had the chance.

 

After the Courser dropped the silence seemed to ring out louder than ever before. “Are you going to kill me?” Nate looked over to the woman next to him. She had just stood up to a Courser, saved his life, and kicked ass while doing it, and she was looking at him with fear in her eyes.

 

Nate’s head was still swimming, he was pretty sure he had a concussion, but he smiled at her through the pain.

 

“Why would I kill you after saving your life?”

 

She shrugged at him and suddenly became interested in her shoes. “You didn’t know I was a synth when you helped me.”

 

It was Nate’s turn to shrug. “People are people, no matter how they were made.”

 

She looked back up to meet his eye. “Are you with the Railroad?” He shook his head and she frowned. “Do you know where I can find them?” He shook his head again. She looked away from him. She was lost and half a step from crying, Nate hated it.

 

“I can help you find them.” Her head jerked to meet his gaze. “I’ve heard hints and whispers, enough to give us some place to start. Or, you could come with me back to my settlement, they won’t care you’re a synth and you could stay there.”

 

“Do I have to decide now?”

 

Nate shook his head. “I need to patch myself up, you should too.” He said, pointing at the laser burn on her shoulder. “We should rest and eat something before heading out. You can think about it until then, but I’ll need a decision.”

 

“Thank you.” She gave him a genuine smile and they both began to recover their weapons. She handed him back his rifle and left the destroyed building. Nate reloaded his weapon and slung it back over his shoulder, got his knife back into his sheath, and then cast a glance at the Courser.

 

The sunglasses had fallen off of his face and the blank stare it gave him sent a wave a fear down his body. Even dead the Course was terrifying. He turned away and walked back to the girl. She had gone back to the place Nate had originally seen her hiding at. She now had a bag strapped to her back and was holding her pipe pistol, at some point she had wiped the blood off of her face.

 

“By the way, what’s your name?” Nate couldn’t keep calling her ‘the girl’ or ‘the woman’ or ‘the synth’.

 

“My designation is D1-N3.” She said quietly while looking uncomfortable.

 

“No, your name.” He pressed harder.

 

“I thought of one, but I’ve never said it out loud before. Just in my head.” She seemed embarrassed by her little confession.

 

“Well now’s the time to start.” He offered her what he hoped was a gentle smile. She seemed comforted by his response.

 

“Danni.” She said sheepishly.

 

“Well Danni, let’s get cleaned up and fed. Then we can figure out what you want to do next.” With that she and Nate made their way to a safer location.

 

\- - - - -

Deacon had no idea what he was supposed to think. Not only did Nate impress him with his actions with the Minutemen but now there he was eating dinner with a synth after saving her life - from a Courser nonetheless.

 

When he was sent to investigate rumors of an escaped synth and try to bring them to a safe house he never expected to run into Nate saving her life. Which worked just fine for him considering that he had stopped following Nate’s progress through the Commonwealth personally since talking to him in Goodneighbor. The only exception to that had been his slight interference in Diamond City.

 

Unfortunately, now it was a waiting game. Nate had offered to take her to the Minutemen, which was fine and all, except for the fact that he’d be putting everyone at the settlement in danger if the Institute sent another Courser. However, he had also offered to help her find the Railroad.

 

Deacon was hoping that she picked the latter. Not only would that put her in the Railroad’s protection, but it would give him the perfect opportunity to recruit Nate into their organization. If she chose the Minutemen Deacon didn’t know when his next chance would arise.

 

Dark had already begun to set across the Commonwealth and Deacon hoped that they spent the night waiting instead of trying to get somewhere in the night. He couldn’t pick up their conversation from his spot across the road, but he could see them quite easily. Nate didn’t seem to be bothered at all by the synth. He wasn’t putting unnecessary distance between them or reacting to her in a cold manner.

 

They looked to be having pleasant conversation over dinner and if he forgot that she was an escapee from the Institute they could have looked like any other wastelanders.

 

Deacon watched them leave in the morning and was thrilled when they started walking towards the Boston Commons, instead of towards Sanctuary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nate is a sweetheart who just wants to help people and find his son, it's a shame that helping people is what's keeping him from finding him.


	11. I'm The One You're Looking For

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nate and Danni discover the Railroad and Nate finally (actually) meets Deacon.

It took less than half a day to make it to the Commons, and Nate couldn’t be more thankful for that. He was in pain, exhausted, and was spending most of his energy making sure Danni didn’t get herself killed. She had held her own against the Courser until he showed up, but she was clearly inexperienced and understandably scared. Every little sound or movement caused her to tense up and Nate had to spend half his time keeping her calm.

 

“I don’t think we should be here.” Danni said, pointing at a sign that read ‘Keep Out. Danger’.

 

“I’ve been through here before, just stick to the buildings and we’ll be fine.” Nate replied, trying his hardest to keep the tiredness out of his voice. “Now, I don’t know much about the Railroad but I’ve heard whispers. ‘Follow the Freedom Trail’, and to the best of my knowledge the Freedom Trail starts here, or at least it used to.”

 

“I’ve heard that phrase too, in the Institute, other synths that wanted out used to say it. I didn’t know where it started though.”

 

He was about to respond when a Protectron powered up and started to walk towards them. It began to blabber on about the Freedom Trail and its historic sights. Nate ignored it in favor of looking at a hand painted sign.

 

“At Journey’s end follow Freedom’s lantern.” He muttered. He was racking his brain for a hint to the clue when Danni started laughing. He looked over to see her conversing with the Protectron.

 

“Nate, this guy is pretty funny.” The happiness on her face was the first he had seen.

 

“Yeah? Did he say anything useful? Any hints to what this means?” He asked gesturing at the sign.

 

“He did say that the last stop on the trail is the Old North Church.” Nate pondered for a moment. They could go straight there, it could cut off a huge part of their trip, but it could also be a waste of time. He left the decision up to Danni. “I think we should go straight there. Worst case we have to come back and start over.” He agreed.

 

Nate took a few moments to fiddle with the dial on his Pip-Boy, they had a general location for the church, based off an old map they found by the Protectron’s storage home, and he wanted to get as close as possible.

 

It was fairly easy to get to the church, they cut behind buildings, took out a few Super Mutants, and generally managed to stay as safe as they could. Eventually they made it to the church.

 

“Look- a lantern, just like it said!” Danni shouted and went to rush forward.

 

Nate grabbed at her arm and tugged her backwards. “Hey, maybe alerting everyone in the area that this might be the base for a secret organization isn’t the best.” Nate whispered and her face fell.

 

“Yeah, sorry, I just got excited.”

 

“No harm, just… be calm. And let me go first. I didn’t save your life just to have you set off some sort of trap last minute.” Danni nodded in understanding and fell back behind Nate.

 

He pushed open the door to the church carefully, making sure to keep an eye out for mines and wires. He saw none and opened the door the rest of the way. He pulled Danni in and shut the door. He could hear a low snarl. _Ferals._ He lifted a finger to his lips and then pulled out his silenced 10mm. He stalked forward slowly, motioning for Danni to stay back where she was.

 

He lifted his weapon quickly and took aim. He shot at two ferals on the ground, not sure if they were alive, but not wanting to run the risk. He was about to aim at one crawling down from the top floor when a growl sounded in his ear. Before he could turn, the feral to his right leaped out and tackled him to the floor. He shouted and used his arm to push at its shoulder, trying to keep its teeth from tearing out a chunk of his face.

 

A quick _ping_ rang out from the side of him and the feral slumped forward, dead. Another _ping_ and the last feral dropped down dead. Danni stood over him, grinning. “Need a hand?” She asked, glee clear in her voice.

 

“Yeah, I guess I do.” He chuckled out. She helped him drag the feral off his body then offered him her hand. He took it and she pulled him to his feet. “Alright, let’s go find the Railroad.”

 

\- - - - -

 

Danni stood speechless as Nate laughed in the face of the three people in front of them. One of them had a minigun trained right at them and he didn’t even blink, just keep gasping for breath. “You’re telling me, that the best password you guys could come up with-” Another peel of laughter. “-was the name of your super-secret organization?” The woman with the red hair, who Danni assumed was the leader, seemed thoroughly unamused.

 

“Did you come here just to insult us? What’s your goal here?” She demanded. Nate went to answer but couldn’t seem to.

 

Just as she went to speak for him a man popped up from a hidden hallway. “Awe, what’s this? Throwing a party without me? How unfair-”. The man cut himself off as he saw Nate, who was finally calming down enough to speak.

 

“I’m not here to insult you, specifically, that’s just how things managed to happen. And my goal? Other than the fact that I planned on finding you guys anyways, was to bring her.”

 

Suddenly, everyone in the room was looking at her. She shifted uncomfortably, wanting nothing more than to fade into the background and let Nate do all the talking. But he was looking at her, and she knew he was going to make her take the lead here. “My designation is D1-N3, but I prefer Danni. I just escaped from the Institute. Nate here saved me from a Courser and then brought me here.”

 

Once again, all eyes were on Nate. The woman in the center turned to the man who had just entered. “Deacon, just what the hell is going on? Who is this?” She demanded, pointing at Nate.

 

“Oh boy, Boss, This guy is kind of a big deal. Heard about the guy that’s rebuilding the Minutemen? Him. How about the man that saved Rex Goodman and recruited a Super Mutant? Also this fine gentleman here.” He smiled and looked over at the two. “I also happened to catch the tail end of a dangerous 2 on 1 Courser fight. Trust me, Des, this is a guy we want on our side.”

 

Danni frowned at that last bit of information. “You were spying on us, and didn’t bother helping?”

 

The man gave her an easy smile. “By the time I got there the situation was pretty much rectified. Your man here is pretty quick on his feet. He had you covered.”

 

“I’m not talking about that. We just spent the better part of today trying to find you guys, so I could get some help. You’ve known I was here since yesterday.” For some reason she felt angry and as she spoke she seemed to gather momentum, each sentence louder and angrier than the last. “At any point in our searching you could have helped. What if he had gotten hurt or died trying to find this place? What if I had? Down in the Institute the Railroad is talked about like it’s this amazing organization fighting tooth and nail to help all us sythns. And instead of that I get some random guy who put his life on the line to fight a Courser and bring me here. When the organization who was supposed to be my saving grace just sat and watched from a distance. This is ridi-”

 

Nate’s hand on her arm cut off her sentence mid-way. Danni was fuming, anger and frustration came pouring off her in waves. However, all of it sapped away when she looked at Nate’s face.

 

“Danni, this wasn’t about helping you. It was about vetting me.” He must have seen the confusion on her face. “Think about it. I’m a threat to them, an unknown variable. If this guy had found you by yourself he would have brought you straight here. Instead he sees this random guy, who could be an Institute plant, or a bigot, or any number of things.”

 

“He knows all about you though.” She pointed out. Nate just shook his head.

 

“You can’t ever really know a person that you’ve never met.”

 

His words made sense, the logic was there. She was still angry. When she said as much out loud Nate just let out a quick bark of laughter. “You’re probably just overwhelmed. You’ve just run away from the only home you’ve ever know. You’re on constant guard, for good reason. And last night all you had to eat was some 200 year old meat in a can.”

 

Danni turned her attention back to the people in the room. “You’re probably right. Sorry about all that.”

 

The man with the sunglasses and the red headed woman smiled at her. The woman with the minigun finally lowered her weapon and spoke up. “Come on then, Danni, let’s get you some food and rest. Okay?” Danni turned back to Nate.

 

He smiled at her brightly and waved her forward. “Go on now. I’m sure they’ve still got question for me. I’ll talk to you later.” She hesitated, but her nervousness to be separated from him was overwhelmed by her exhaustion.

 

“Yeah, alright. And Nate? Thank you.”

 

When Dannie left the red headed woman turned back to Nate. “You handled that situation very well. You were kind and empathetic towards her, put your life on the line to save her. Not many people would do that for a synth.”

 

“Like I told Danni, people are people, no matter how they’re made.”

 

“My name is Desdemona, you said you would have sought us out had you not run into her. Why?”

 

Nate sighed and shrugged his shoulders, then took a few steps forward so he was off of the stairs. “To be honest, you guys are fighting the Institute. They took something very important from me and I’m going to do everything in my power to get it back. If that means I have to be your errand boy in order to win your favor, I will. The Minutemen are great, and I support what they do. But they’re too fragile to start a battle with the Institute, they’re not Soldiers, not yet at least.”

 

The man in the sunglasses, Deacon if he had heard right, spoke up. “C’mon Des, he’s great in a fight, sympathetic towards the cause, and has already proven that he’d risk his life for a synth. What more do you want?”

 

Desdemona gave Deacon a sideways glance. “Fine. You vouch for him, you train him. Set him up with a tourist op and get back to work.”

 

Nate watched as the barest hint of a frown tugged at Deacon’s lips. “A tourist Des, really? You know as well as I do that we need more agents. He’s perfect.” Nate watched the two of them bicker for a few more moments before Desdemona threw up her hands.

 

“Enough Deacon! Get on with the op and get out of my hair.” She moved quickly past him and disappeared deeper into the crypt. A wide smile spread over Deacon’s face and he stepped down the stairs, putting himself closer to Nate. He leaned up against the wall, a perfect picture of casual interaction.

 

“Well, wasn’t that a fun introduction? I’d apologize about our hesitation but you seemed to have it all figured out already. Don’t you?” Deacon turned towards Nate, the light reflected off of the surface of his sunglasses and Nate was struck with a memory.

 

“You’ve been following me for a lot longer than you mentioned.” Nate said, ignoring what seemed to be a slightly modified introduction speech. Instead of answering Deacon shrugged and lifted his hands in a ‘what can you do’ motion. “You were that man in Goodneighbor, the one who told me to use the lounger or get gone. Although, I’m sure that’s not the first time you saw me. Was it?”

 

“Listen, we can go back and forth about all the times I followed you, but c’mon. Intel is my job, you’re not the only person on my radar. Let’s just leave that all in the past and move on with it.”

 

Nate thought he should have felt something other than amusement in that moment. Maybe anger or at least some semblance of embarrassment or violation. There was none of that though, and he let himself fall into Deacon’s charms. It was similar to how he felt in Goodneighbor, there was something about Deacon that made him feel at ease, something that seemed to calm all the noise in his head.

 

“Whatever, next time you have questions, why don’t you just ask?” He imagined that if he could see Deacon’s eyes that they would be rolling.

 

“There’s no fun in that, buddy. Moving on, you wanna hear about your first op?” Nate nodded and took a spot leaning next to Deacon. “Great, so, Des wants to make you a tourist. Someone who runs a few dead drops and helps out when they can. I think your skills are above that, and I can think of the perfect job. Too difficult for just me, but perfect for the two of us. What do you say?”

 

Nate grinned, “Day one and you’re already asking me to break the rules? I’ll play your game, Deacon. What’s the op?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was so excited to finally write when these two met! Anyways, hope y'all enjoyed. Look for Chapter 12 this Thursday.


	12. A Wonderful Guy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deacon and Nate travel through the Switchboard and afterwards Nate struggles with what to do next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We finally get some one-on-one Deacon and Nate interaction away from HQ. It's not as fun as it sounds.

Traveling through the Switchboard was something of a sobering experience. Nate knew what the Institute was capable of. He had seen firsthand what they were willing to do, but looking at the bodies of recently dead agents who had done nothing wrong, it was like a punch to the face.

 

It didn’t seem to affect Deacon, although Nate learned quickly that he, for all his show and bravado, was a very personal and secretive man. Whereas he never actually seemed shocked or upset by the sight of his fellow agents Nate had picked up the smallest of reactions. The almost unnoticeable drop in his tone of voice after finding the first body. The briefest of hesitations when he went to pull a weapon from the next. All things that no one would notice, unless they were looking as hard as Nate was.

 

Deacon pulled open the door to discover a man he called Tommy Whispers. He gently rolled his body over and suddenly Nate realized how upsetting this situation might be. Nate pictured that this was his platoon from Anchorage. That instead of people he had never met that it was the bodies of his fellow Troops. He had no idea how Deacon was keeping it together, how he seemed to be so impenetrable. Hell, he didn’t know any of them and he was struggle with his sadness and anger at the situation.

 

Deacon betrayed none of those emotions, however, instead he held out a weapon to Nate. “This is- was, Tommy’s handgun. It might look small, but it packs a powerful punch and lets you slide under the radar pretty easily. I know you usually tote your shotgun, but sometimes hard and loud isn’t the best option.”

 

Nate took the weapon from Deacon carefully and let himself feel the weight. It was small, smaller than his 10mm, but Nate knew that things weren’t always what they seemed. As he looked over the weapon he noticed silver initials carved into the handle ‘T.W.’ and the word ‘Deliverer’ etched into the barrel.

 

“Why give this to me? He was your friend.”

 

Deacon shrugged and spared a glance to the body at his feet. “All agents get a specialized weapon from Tinker Tom. It seemed fitting that you take that, he’d have wanted you to have it. Consider it a gesture of good faith. Now, grab that prototype and take it to HQ. Des will have to let you in after this.”

 

“You’re not coming back with me?” Nate asked as he slid the weapon into his pack. They started their walk out of the building, taking out the last of the synths in the underground base.

 

“Nah, it’s better if I go back first, set the foundation. Des already doesn’t want you to be a full agent so it’s gonna take some finessing to swing her to our side.”

 

Nate smiled and shook his head. “You mean lying, you’re gonna spin some crazy story to paint me as a hero or savior, aren’t you?”

 

Deacon flashed him a cheesy grin and hit the button for the elevator. “Now, why in the world would you assume something like that?”

 

Nate just rolled his eyes and leaned against the wall. “I don’t know, Deacon, maybe you just seem the type.”

 

///

 

“-and the new guy patched me up, put me on his shoulder, and blasted his way through the rest of the complex. Synths everywhere.” Nate made his way up the stairs and behind Deacon, trying to keep his face neutral as the other man lied his ass off.

 

“Carrying you the whole time?” Desdemona asked, clear disbelief written on her face. Deacon responded in the affirmative and she crossed her arms. “Amazing is one word for it.” The Railroad leader turned to him. “Deacon has just told me that you single handedly secured Carrington’s prototype, disabled a minefield, and wiped out a hundred Gen 1s. Is any of that true?”

 

Nate could hear the skepticism dripping from her tone and it made him wonder how often Deacon had lied so grandly about things before. “Every word he said was true, and then some.” He tossed his arm across Deacon’s shoulder and jerked him into his side. “We’re the dream team, Des.” He dropped his arm quickly and let Deacon stumble back into his own space. Nate might have imagined it, but it looked like a light blush danced across Deacon’s cheeks as Nate released him.

 

Desdemona tossed a look that Nate couldn’t identify his way and then she shook her head and uncrossed her arms. “A full hundred. I… I can’t even imagine. I was expecting Deacon to grab a full team, including Glory, to secure that prototype. But instead just the two of you cleared out the entire Switchboard.”

 

Deacon glanced over at Nate and then smiled. “See? Just like I said, boss. You’d be insane not to sign him up.”

 

“You’ve certainly made an impression on Deacon. He’s never spoken about, or lied about, anyone so highly before.” She seemed to hesitate but she continued. “Welcome to the Railroad, agent. We’re glad to have you.”

 

“Glad to be here.” Nate said sincerely. He went to turn towards the back of the crypt but Desdemona stopped him.

 

“Now that you’re in, we need to know what to call you. Secrecy keeps us alive. Code names are a part of that.”

 

Nate scrunched up his nose and laughed. “Are you serious?” The look on her face told him she was.

 

Deacon shrugged his shoulders when Nate looked at him. “Did you really think Deacon was my real name? I mean my mom might have been a Child of Atom and by dad might have been a traveling priest but I don’t think anyone is that religious.”

 

“You’re so full of shit, D.” Nate replied but Deacon just gave him one of his easy smiles and leaned against the wall. He turned back to Desdemona. “Do I have to pick now?” She nodded.

 

“We can’t introduce you to other agents and start you on missions before you have one. But if you want to live the rest of your life in this room then feel free.” Her tone annoyed him but Nate knew that this wasn’t something he was going to get away with.

 

“Do you have any suggestions?”

 

“No, it has to be something you want. A code name is more than just a name. It’s an identity, it needs to mean something to you and represent something important, so you don’t forget it. We’ve got Drummer Boy, Tinker Tom, High Rise, and Professor, all those people chose for themselves.”

 

Nate didn’t have a good idea, and he knew that he wasn’t going to think of one. Luckily Deacon stepped in to save him. “What about Fixer?” Nate cocked an eyebrow at that. “C’mon, think about it. You fix everyone’s problems. Valentine, Piper, and that kid Maccready. Hell you fixed the Minutemen. You solve problems that no one else will. You’re a fixer.”

 

“Good enough for me.” Nate replied. Desdemona seemed happy enough with that.

 

‘Well then, agent Fixer. Let’s get you introduced.”

 

Nate followed Desdemona down and through the entrance to the Railroad HQ. To say that it was a letdown compared to the Switchboard would have been an understatement. Deacon must have seen the look on his face because he let out a quick laugh and bumped his shoulder against Nate’s. 

 

“Not much, I know.” He whispered into Nate’s ear. “But all the skeletons grow on you. We’ve even made them honorary agents.” Nate rolled his eyes but said nothing.

 

He stood for a few moments listening to the introduction that Desdemona made to HQ and then he was shoved towards Doctor Carrington, the Railroad’s second in command. After an uncomfortable first meeting he was given his first official Railroad assignment and sent on his way, in less of a happy mood but a few stimpacks richer.

 

Deacon caught him right after. “Welcome to the family. We’re a colorful and arguably insane bunch, but you’re stuck with us now.” Nate couldn’t help but agree. “Speaking of which, if you don’t mind a side-kick, let’s keep a good thing going and travel together some more.” Nate considered it for a moment. He wasn’t big on companions, but his traveling with Maccready hadn’t been a bad experience. Not to mention having another gun at your side was always a good thing. However, what he needed to do next was pretty personal, and he wasn’t sure if he was ready to open himself up to questions that might arise.

 

Deacon’s enthusiasm seemed to waiver, but before he could speak Nate responded. “Sure you can come with. We’re the dream team, remember?” Deacon’s smile could have blinded him, instead it made his heart flutter. “I’m gonna check up on some things, then we can head out.” Deacon nodded in understanding and Nate left to find Desdemona.

 

He inquired about Danni and was disappointed to find out that she had already started her journey through the Railroad’s tangle of synth rescuing and rehabilitating operations. He was hoping to see her again. Desdemona assured him that she would be safe and that Glory was managing her travel until they could get her to a safer location. The image of the minigun toting synth put him at ease. She definitely seemed like a woman who could take care of herself.

 

Nate decided on meeting the agents at HQ first before heading out and was surprised at the variety of people. Drummer Boy seemed young, maybe a little too young to be risking his life for a top secret organization, but he was sarcastic and friendly. Tinker Tom was every bit the nut job that he looked, but his loveable nature and personality made it easy to fall into conversation about conspiracy theories.

 

He met a few more people, most of them tourists stopping it to type up reports or restock, and then decided that it was time for him to go. As he stepped out into the room where he first met the Railroad team he was delighted to see Deacon waiting for him.

 

“Hey there, Fixer. You ready for your first mission?” Nate hesitated and Deacon noticed. “You’re not getting cold feet already. I know Tinker’s a little off-putting but you got to give us a chance. Dream team, right?”

 

“No, no, I’m not regretting joining, and I haven’t been scared off, there’s just something I’ve been needing to take care of. I was on my way to do it when I ran into Danni. If this mission isn’t time sensitive I’d like to take care of my personal problems first.”

 

“We won’t really know how much of a priority this op is until we get the dead drop. We could swing by and pick it up, then figure out what to do from there.” That sounded like a good idea to Nate and the two of them turned and made their way back out into the Commonwealth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y'all enjoyed! Check back next week, leave a kudo, a comment or [come say hi](https://www.tumblr.com/blogs/randomwordsandstormydays).


	13. The Wanderer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deacon and Nate go on their first *official* Railroad mission, and Deacon tries to convince Nate of a few things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nate is kind of a little shit, but Deacon is too, so it's okay.

As they walked Nate decided to try and squeeze some answers from Deacon. “So, why did you vouch for me?” Nate inquired, he knew that Deacon had been stalking him around the Commonwealth, but Nate didn’t feel like he was all that great.

 

Deacon didn’t hesitate in his response. “In our little outfit it’s my job to know things. And with everything you’ve done it’s clear you’re capable. A dangerous enemy. And, I’m betting, a valuable ally. Your work at the Switchboard proved that.”

 

Nate adjusted his grip on his rifle and pressed harder. “But why the trust? You can’t be taking it all on faith. You vouched for me before I helped you get that prototype.”

 

Deacon shrugged nonchalantly, “I don’t know if we can trust you, even still, but I hope we can.” He paused for moment, looking across the bridge they had come to. Nate followed suit and took a few moments to take out the few ferals that lingered in their path. “Also, after the Switchboard we may be a teeny, weeny bit desperate for new members. If things were all sunshine and rainbows we might have played a longer ‘getting to know you game’. But we don’t have that luxury.”

 

Nate was satisfied with that answer, but he still felt like there was more. “You can’t be taking everything on faith and rumors, D.”

 

The spy let out a small breath and then threw him what seemed to be an annoyed look. “You just don’t give up, do you? Alright, I have a short list of people that I think would be a good fit for our family. You piqued my interest and so maybe I asked around. I did my homework.” He bumped shoulders with Nate, just a small brush of contact. It sent a shiver over Nate’s body. “There’s a good chance that if you hadn’t found us, I would have found you instead. So, thanks for saving me the trip.”

 

Nate wondered what it was about Deacon that made him feel so different. With all the other people he had met in the Commonwealth it seemed like they all needed something from him, they demanded his attention and his time. Yes, Deacon asked him to run ops for the Railroad but the spy also was willing to let Nate go off on his own if he wanted to. He felt more freedom.

 

It was the same feeling he had experienced outside of the Memory Den in Goodneighbor before he even knew who Deacon really was. Something about the man and his ridiculous wig made him feel almost like he had pre-war, Nate felt refreshed in his company.

 

They traveled as silently as they could through the dilapidated and crumbling ruins in the Commonwealth and Nate couldn’t help but be amazed. Even though Deacon stood right next to him there were moments where Nate realized that he couldn’t even hear him breathing.

 

“Deacon, how’d you get so good at blending into a crowd?” Nate questioned. “I mean, you’ve been walking next to me this whole time and half the time it felt like I was alone.”

 

Deacon grinned at him and then shoved his arm into the trashcan to retrieve a holotape. “Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.” Nate snorted at his response and took the holotape from his companion. He loaded up the report on his pip-boy and listed to Old Man Stockton’s voice as he described his problem. It sounded urgent, and Deacon must have noticed his disappointment. “Listen, Fix, I know you have some things to take care of but-“

 

Nate cut him off with a wave of his arm. “Don’t sweat it D, this sounds important.” _Just one more day, Shaun. Try not to worry, daddy’s coming._ “Let’s just get this over with, yeah?”

 

Luckily Bunker Hill wasn’t too far from the dead drop and the two found their way easily. A woman stopped them at the gate to the caravan hub and Nate knew that most would have shrunk under her gaze. “Caravan or Raider?” She asked, the irritation in her tone was slight but Nate picked up on it.

 

Deacon snorted when he shouted out, “Raider!” Instead of the terrified reception that he thought he would from that answer get she just sneered out a threat and pointed them in the direction of the market.

 

As Nate and Deacon made their way to their contact Nate slid over and whispered in Deacon’s ear. “Who was that?”

 

“That’s Kessler, she might look like any of the other shop owners but she actually runs this place.”

 

“You’re full of it.” The woman had had an air of authority around her, but Nate didn’t believe that the person who ran Bunker Hill would have been so…unwelcoming.

 

Deacon grinned full-on. “Normally, I’d say you were right but I’m serious. She keeps it on the down-low to avoid any upset from the raider gangs.”

 

“They’d target her for lower fees if they knew.” Nate caught the beginnings of an approving look before Deacon’s face went blank again. He glanced up to see a merchant looking his way and tried to school his face as well.

 

The man lifted a hand to silence the person standing next to him. “You there, you look pretty rational. Talk some sense into my numb skull son. Getting involved with the Railroad is just trouble.” He spoke with confidence, like he was fully convinced that these strangers would agree with him. Nate jumped at the change to disappoint.

 

“I don’t think it’s trouble, I believe it’s always good to help people.”

 

A look of shock appeared on the man’s face and Nate watched as his jaw clenched in annoyance. “I have no problem helping people, _synths_ though?” The disgust poured off his words and Nate felt anger as it licked up his spine. Before he could argue the son spoke up.

 

“All I do here is help crusty old caravan hands go blind off rotgut, no offense. At least the Railroad’s fighting the Institute.” He continued to wipe down the counter as he talked. “Anyway not save synths?”

 

The boy’s father turned towards him and crossed his arms. “Might as well go off and join the Deathclaw preservation society.” The man threw one more look over to Nate, his eyes begged for help but Nate just smirked.

 

“You know about the DPS? That’s great, I knew our P.R. campaign was taking off but I didn’t realize it had reached this far into the ‘Wealth.” As he talked he winked at the son and the young man smiled at him. “Besides, trying to save synths sounds noble to me.”

 

“See, I’m not alone in this dad.” By the tone of his voice Nate concluded that this wasn’t the first time that these two had bickered about the Railroad. It also seemed like it wouldn’t be the last.

 

The father was gruff and annoyed when he said “Enough, we’ve got customers.” Nate wanted to press the conversation further but Deacon tugged ever so slightly on his jacket and he dropped the topic. Before they could get much further into the settlement Deacon grabbed him by the elbow and pulled him over to a simple looking stand.

 

“Do either of you, by chance, have a Geiger counter?” The man who asked the question was an older looking gentleman.

 

“Sorry, but mine is in the shop. I did hear however that we have a mutual friend who decided it was time that the two of us met.”

 

Stockton smiled at him. “Yes, you are Fixer, correct?” Nate nodded. “Good, and Deacon, how nice to see you again. Even if you never look the same.”

 

“Always a pleasure to catch back up, never know who I might be the next time.” Stockton looked like he wanted to be annoyed but couldn’t quite bring himself to be.

 

Their contact turned back to Nate and delved into what he needed from the two men. It seemed simple enough to him, clear out a church and protect the package if trouble arose. The two noted that the sun was beginning to set, but assured Stockton that they could have the way cleared by the time night had settled fully.

 

Deacon continued to follow Nate’s lead as they headed down and out of Bunker Hill and into the streets again. They moved quickly, aware of their timeline, and before long the church came into view. Nate stealthily slid up against the wall of the building and peered into the window. He noticed two raiders sitting around a small fire and one laying down on a bench. He turned back to Deacon who was crouched near a dying bush. He held up three fingers and then began to slowly work his way forward.

 

As he reached the door of the church he caught his hip on the side of the building and let out a curse. A loud “Huh?” came from inside and he heard footsteps coming towards him, Nate berated himself for his clumsiness. He gripped his shotgun tighter and raised it up. As the first raider appeared in front of him he pulled the trigger, bracing himself again the recoil. The shot was so close to the woman’s body that her torso practically exploded with the force. She dropped down the stairs unceremoniously and Nate reloaded.

 

The second raider screamed something he couldn’t make out and jumped out the door. Nate almost laughed when he saw that the man only had a knife. The shotgun blast was just as powerful the second time and the man dropped just as fast as the first one, half his face gone, sprayed against the wall.

 

Before the third raider had a chance to get up and out the door Nate made his way inside the building. He didn’t see the last raider immediately and whipped around to look for him. Just as he turned back towards the entrance movement caught his eye. The last raider had managed to hide behind a bit of rubble and get behind Nate. Before he had a chance to bring his shotgun back up the man grabbed at the barrel, ripping the weapon from his hands and tossing it aside. Nate scrambled for Deliverer, which he had strapped to his thigh earlier, but was too slow.

 

Pain raced across Nate’s jaw as the raider brought a pipe up and slammed it against his face. Nate grappled at air as the force of the hit caused him to stumble back into a pile of boards. He fell backwards and grunted as he landed. He raised his arm to protect himself from the blow that the raider was trying to land but instead of feeling pain he felt the warm spray of blood. Nate opened his eyes to see Deacon standing in the doorway.

 

“You good, Fix?” He asked as he made his way over to Nate’s side. Nate nodded and raised a hand to press at his jaw.

 

“Nothing’s broken, I don’t think.” He pressed at the abused skin and winced at the pain he felt. “Am I still pretty?” He joked, accepting the hand that Deacon offered.

 

“Sure, if you were pretty before then you still are.” Deacon smiled when Nate gave him a friendly punch to the arm. “Surprised you let that guy get the drop on you.” Deacon said as the two began to clear away the bodies.

 

Nate shrugged and let out a deep sigh. “Didn’t think raiders were that smart, guess I got what I deserved for underestimating them.” His companion shrugged and the two slipped into an easy silence, it wasn’t long until Deacon spoke up.

 

“You know, Fixer. I’m used to flying solo. But I gotta admit, working with you makes me think I’ve been missing out. Having someone watch your back… is refreshing. Especially when you never know when the Institute is watching.”

 

Nate hummed at that, “You’ve never had a partner?” He believe him, but with Deacon he learned that you had to confirm.

 

“Not for a long time. Besides, partnering up in the Railroad can leave you vulnerable. One more person who the Institute can take from you.” Nate considered that for a moment. He could understand the fear of losing those close to you, but the realization that Deacon isolated himself on purpose made Nate sad for his companion. He went to express that concern but Deacon pressed on. “Some people at HQ are jealous. You took the Big Nap and everyone you knew is long gone.”

 

Nate opened his mouth to reply but Deacon raised his arm to cut him off. “Wait, hear me out on the silver lining. If a human in the Railroad slips up then they expose friends and loved ones to danger. You’re safe from that.”

 

“You think watching my wife get murdered is a silver lining?” Nate could hear the anger in his own voice.

 

Deacon quickly backtracked, “That’s not what I meant and you know it. What I’m saying is, when the Coursers start kicking down doors – they don’t just hit Railroad safe houses. Some friends and family have been known to get axed. Whether the Institute’s motivated by vengeance or faulty intel, it doesn’t matter to the people left behind.”

 

The spy looked like he was going to keep talking but Nate glared at him and he shut his jaw with an audible _clack_. Nate dug his nails into his arm to keep himself calm and he took a moment to let Deacon’s words sink in, to consider the situation from an outsider’s perspective. He didn’t think that Deacon meant to upset him and he sighed as the anger seeped out of him.

 

“I can see where you’re coming from.” He said slowly. “I guess it’s just hard to see the positive side of things when it still hurts.” Nate opened his eyes to see Deacon looking at him and he wished, not for the first time, that he could see past the shades. Deacon looked like he wanted to respond but a sharp knock at the door startled the two up and onto their feet.

 

Nate watched as Old Man Stockton led a disheveled looking man into the church. Nate’s first thought upon seeing H2-22 was that the man looked terrified, even more so than Danni had seemed. As Stockton lit up the signal Nate guided H2 away from the bloody mess at the door and helped him take a seat on one of the pews. The man was nervous and jumpy so Nate comforted him as best he could.

 

He explained what they were going to do and let H2 know that he would do whatever was necessary to keep him safe. The synth looked at Nate and the vault dweller saw tears in his eyes.

 

“You’re the first ones to care what happens to me. No one has ever put in this kind of effort to make sure that I would be happy or safe.” A few tears slid down as H2 talked and Nate wrapped his arms around the man in a hug. H2 tried to keep himself together but Nate could feel the shudders that ran through the synth’s body as he tried to calm himself. “You have no idea what this means to me.”

 

It was in that moment that Nate knew for a fact that synths were people and that the Railroad would have his support.

 

The rest of the mission went by without much trouble. Nate enjoyed High Rise’s company and knew that if he ever had the opportunity that he would stop in at Ticonderoga without hesitation. Deacon seemed to approve of the way everything went and voiced his delight at Nate’s performance.

 

The two moved quickly, trying to make their way back to HQ before it got too late. As they made their way down the road Nate pulled on Deacon’s sleeve. He turned back towards Nate and shot him a questioning look.

 

“Do you think he’ll take the memory wipe?” Nate asked quietly, make sure to keep his voice from projecting off the walls around them.

 

“Not sure, Fix, but from how nervous he looked, I’m gonna guess he will. Why?”

 

Nate shrugged and looked away from Deacon’s questioning glance. “I guess I just got attached, I mean, I didn’t even get to say goodbye to Danni before she left. I’m sure she’s fine, but it’s kinda sad to think that they’ll both forget me.”

 

The duo had stopped walking part way into Nate’s reply and Nate took the opportunity to rest up against a railing by the water. Deacon moved to stand next to him, even behind the glasses Nate could feel his eyes searching.

 

 “You know, I wish there had been someone like you when I left the Institute.”

 

He said it with such nonchalance that it took a moment for Nate to process what he had said. Once the words pushed into his conscious thought he pulled back from Deacon and looked over him curiously. “You’re a synth? Why didn’t you tell me before?”

 

Deacon brushed off his curiosity and relaxed back against the railing. “I don’t like talking about it. I was one of the first synths they did the whole cranium reboot on and let’s just say it was a learning experience for everyone.” He smirked over at Nate. “Makes me quirky and fun that way.”

 

He couldn’t help but smile at Deacon’s mannerisms and watched as the other man pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket and fiddled with it between his fingers. “What’s that?”

 

Deacon handed the folded paper over to Nate, careful not to let it open. “Since we’re traveling together I want you to have this. It’s my recall code. If you ever need to know something about the Institute, read it to me.”

 

“I think I know about those. The Courser said Danni’s designation and started to say a whole bunch of random things afterwards.”

 

“Yeah, that sounds right. There’s a safety net built in by the Institute, the recall code is meant to jump us back to factory settings.”

 

Nate jolted at that response. “If I read this to you, will you remember who you are after?”

 

Deacon shrugged and leaned over the railing, away from Nate. “Probably not. It’ll wipe my memories and I’m not sure how much of me would be left. To be honest, I’d feel better if you don’t read it until you need it.”

 

It was the beginning part of Deacon’s final sentence that caught Nate’s attention. He leaned in closer to his companion and fluttered the paper in his face. “If you expect me to believe you, I want proof.” Deacon’s signature smile slid over his features and Nate grinned. “I knew it, you’re so full of shit, D.”

 

“Alright, you got me. No fooling you, huh? Don’t take it personally, I lie to everyone. Maybe I’m just another human that has people back home he wants to protect. Then again-” Deacon spoke the next words in a robotic voice “-maybe not.”

 

Nate flipped open the paper to see the words ‘you can’t trust everyone’ written large and neat in the center. “Why even try to lie, you had to know that this wouldn’t fool me?”

 

Deacon glanced over to the message on the note. “I’m supposed to be showing you the ropes in the Railroad, so let’s say this is lesson, well, whatever number we’re at.”

 

Nate folded the paper again and slipped it into his back pocket, Deacon followed the motion and then jerked back up to look at Nate. “Well, you’re good in my book. Whatever or whoever you are.”

 

“I want… if you believe anything, believe this: I’m in your corner, always have been.” Nate noticed Deacon’s hesitation at his own statement before the Railroad agent slipped back into his casual self. Out of everything Deacon had said to him that night that was the one thing Nate was willing to bet was true. “That code I gave you is a hard truth. You really can’t trust everyone. Even if someone sounds sincere they could be a synth replacement working for the Institute.”

 

Deacon pushed off the railing and began to walk up the small path behind the Old North Church. “The bitch of the problem is recognizing the 90% of the time someone’s on the up and up and the 10% of the time you’re being played.”

 

Nate didn’t have a response to that, and instead of answering simply followed Deacon back down into HQ. His heart stuttered for a second as he realized that his next stop was Fort Hagen. If Deacon noticed his stumbling he didn’t say anything and Nate was grateful for that.

 

He let Deacon deliver the news of their success to Desdemona in favor of finding an empty mattress to lay down on, and spent his last few moments of consciousness imaging what his son might look like at ten years old.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did anyone else want Deacon to kiss Nate's injury and tell him it'll be okay? No? Just the person actually writing the story? Okay. Coming up next... do we finally confront Kellogg? Find out Thursday.


	14. Worry, Worry, Worry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nate makes it to Fort Hagen, but his pre-war problems catch up with him at the worst time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Nate does experience a bought of PTSD this chapter, if that content is triggering to you please be careful when reading.

Nate glanced back at the door which lead to the rear entrance of the Railroad HQ and took only a moment to feel guilty about slipping away in the early morning. He knew that Deacon would probably come looking for him, but he hoped that he would get enough of a head start to confront Kellogg alone. He imagined disappointment flitting across Deacon’s face and another wave of guilt washed over him.

 

He looked at the door again. _It’s not too late to go back_ , a voice in his head reminded him. _It’s not too late to ask him for help_.

 

Part of him wanted to ask for help, he took Nick seriously and knew that Kellogg wasn’t going to go down easy. Another part of him, a much larger part, didn’t want to face the questions, the curiosity that he knew would come with bringing Deacon along.

 

A much smaller part of him scrapped at his subconscious, a voice he tried to push down. _You don’t want them to look at you like a killer, to judge you. You know that you’re bloodthirsty, no better than a raider. You don’t want them to see that side of you._

He shuddered as the thought made its way into his brain and he forced himself to step away from the door. He shoved the voice down, took a steadying breath, and headed off towards Fort Hagen.

 

He was halfway to his destination when a group of rabid dogs rose from their hiding spots and charged at him. He took aim at the first dog and blasted open it’s skull with his shotgun, the momentum of its body sent it flying back into the dog behind it.

 

The third dog was too close for Nate to aim properly so he gripped his shotgun by the barrel and swung it down. It met the third dog’s head with a sickening crunch and Nate shuddered as the creature whimpered in pain. By that time the second dog had regained its senses and launched at Nate. Its teeth dug into the metal armor that was wrapped around his thigh, but the leg guard held fast and gave Nate an opening.

 

He dropped his shotgun on the ground and gripped the dog by the scruff of its neck. He yanked the creature off of his leg and brought up his other hand to sink his knife into the dog’s throat. Hot blood seeped out of the wound and ran its way down his arm, he felt queasy looking at it. He dropped the dog once he was sure it was dead and wiped his hand on the grass to remove the excess bodily fluid.

 

The third dog was laying on the ground, its leg twitched beneath it, but Nate knew that he had damaged something in its brain. He picked his shotgun back up and fired one last shot, putting the poor creature out of its misery.

 

He reached Fort Hagen soon after and took a moment to consider his luck that the only resistance he had met so far was a few rabid dogs. Even the bloatflies that he could see bumbling around off to the side were too far away to be considered a danger. He was about to step out onto the street and head to the front door when a hand reached out and grabbed him by the back of his shirt.

 

Nate swung his arm around and caught his attacker in the face with his elbow just as the tell-tale ringing of a turret started up. As the person ripped him backwards and onto the ground a serious of shots rang out and sunk into the dirt where he had been standing.

 

“What the fuck, Fixer?” Nate pushed himself off the ground just in time to see Deacon sliding his sunglasses back onto his face. There was blood coming out of his nose and Nate wondered if maybe he broke it.

 

“What do you mean ‘what the fuck’? Why the hell are you here?” Nate slunk back away from the turret’s firing zone and grabbed Deacon by the arm, forcing him to follow.

 

“Well, when I noticed you weren’t at HQ I figured that maybe you wanted to start up a game of hide-and-seek. Didn’t take me too long to find you. So, point for me.” His voice was obstructed by the hand that Deacon was using to keep blood from making its way onto his white shirt.

 

Nate was too irritated to play along, he released Deacon’s arm and shoved him back. “Bull-fucking-shit. I want an honest answer, if I think you’re lying I’ll shoot you.” He waved Deliverer in Deacon’s face as a warning.

 

The spy shrugged and wiped at his nose one more time, Nate took pity on him for a moment and handed him a rag. As Deacon cleaned off his face Nate waited, impatiently, for an answer. “I have an inherent need to want to know things about y- uh, people. You slinking off in the morning before anyone was awake was interesting enough for me to want to follow you. I knew if I asked to tag along that you would say no…so I didn’t ask.”

 

“Better to ask forgiveness than permission.” Nate muttered, mostly to himself. He glanced over to where the turret had fired. “I guess I’d probably be dead if you hadn’t showed up. But that doesn’t mean I forgive you for stalking me.”

 

Deacon immediately perked up. “Does that mean I get to stay?” Nate tried to be mad at him, he really did. But something about the way he jumped up and the tone of the question made him think of a puppy dog.

 

“You can stay, but don’t ask me any questions.”

 

“Can I ask one?”

 

Nate attempted to hold back his smile and failed. “You just did.” He teased, trying to ignore the way Deacon’s shoulders slumped and the way his lips pursed. _Dammit._ “Here, I’ll make you a deal. You can ask me about Fort Hagen, if we survive, and in return I get to ask you a question.”

 

Deacon considered the offer for only a second before agreeing to the terms. “I’ll even give you an honest answer.” Nate didn’t believe him for a second, but he had more important things to consider. He turned back towards Fort Hagen and began to scan for targets.

 

He pulled out his rifle and took aim at the closest turrets, they exploded after a few shots and Nate waved at Deacon to follow him. Somewhere from HQ to now Deacon had gotten himself a rifle, much better suited for long distance shooting than the modded 10mm he usually carried. Nate knew, even though he couldn’t see it, that Deacon still had the pistol somewhere, easily accessible in case of an emergency.

 

The two made their way around the building, systematically taking out the protective measures that littered Kellogg’s hiding spot as they went. It wasn’t long before there was nothing but smoke marking where the defenses had been. Deacon followed Nate as he walked down into a parking garage, leading the two of them deeper into the building.

 

“There’s a door down here that’ll drop us in on one of the lower levels, I figured Kellogg’s probably hiding on one of the underground floors. It’s what I would do.” One look at Deacon and he could tell that he was just brimming with questions, but the spy stuck to their deal and bit his tongue.

 

Just as he went to open the door it hit Nate that he was there, he was where Shaun was at. His baby- _ten year old child_ , he corrected, was just inside. Anticipation built up inside of him and he suddenly felt dizzy. He tried to take steading breaths, but the familiar door in front of him brought back more than he was prepared to handle.

 

Post-deployment, Nate had been diagnosed with Uncomplicated PTSD, but through his months of therapy he had managed to get himself under control. He hadn’t had a panic attack since the third trimester of Nora’s pregnancy. Throughout his weeks in the Commonwealth he had managed to avoid any form of emotional distress, the constant gunfire and fear for his life hadn’t affect Nate.

 

_My trigger is a fucking door? A door is giving me a panic attack?_ He wanted to laugh at himself, to laugh at the ridiculous situation, but his breathing was too harsh and he couldn’t seem to keep it under control.

 

Nate felt his legs give out from under him and he landed on his knees. He saw Deacon drop next to him, but his ears were ringing and he couldn’t process what was happening. He grabbed at the bandana wrapped around his neck and pulled it away from him, even thought it had nothing to do with his struggle to breathe.

 

A strong hand gripped at his jaw and forced him to look up and as Nate’s eyes began to focus he was shocked to see Deacon’s face, his full face, without his sunglasses. The other man was talking and Nate tried to ignore the burning of his lungs to focus on what Deacon was saying.

 

“-to just do as I do. Can you hear me?” Nate managed to nod his head slightly. “Good, now focus on me.” Deacon lifted Nate’s hand and placed it on his chest. “Just feel me breathe. Try and match it.” Nate continued to stare into Deacon’s eyes as he felt the rise and fall of the other man’s chest. As he breathed Deacon continued to talk, “it’s just in and out, real simple, do what I do, in and out”. The hand on his jaw didn’t move but the pressure released into a gentle grasp, meant to hold and not to force.

 

Nate felt the pressure in his chest release as his body responded to the stimuli of Deacon’s breathing and his calming voice. After what Nate was sure was only a few minutes, but what had felt to him to be so much more, his breathing leveled out and his mind cleared.

 

His hand dropped from Deacon’s chest and rubbed up and over his face. Nate was embarrassed to find that he had cried at some point and quickly scrubbed the evidence away. He refused to face his companion and instead pulled himself up to his feet. By the time he managed to look at Deacon the spy had slipped his shades back onto his face.

 

An uncomfortable silence spread out around them and Nate waited for the questions, they never came. “Thank you.” He said it quietly, but by the way Deacon startled you would think he screamed it.

 

A light blush bloomed over Deacon’s face but he flashed Nate a quick smile anyways, he could tell that it was fake. “No problem, Fixer. Anytime.” Deacon turned towards the door and then looked back at him. “You gonna be good?”

 

Nate’s cheeks flushed red and he cleared his throat. “Yeah, I’m fine now.” Deacon moved aside so that Nate could reach the door again. This time the action of reaching the door had no effect on Nate and he pushed it open easily.

 

\- - - - -

 

Deacon hesitated only a second before he followed Nate into Fort Hagen. His mind was scrambled and he swallowed hard, trying to keep himself calm.

 

Seeing Nate crumple to the floor as he reached for the door was not what Deacon had been expecting and without thinking he had dropped to the ground next to him. He had been able to recognize the signs of a panic attack almost immediately. Afterwards, once he had managed to calm Nate down the reality of what he had done hit him like a swatter to the gut.

 

_You’re getting too close, you’re getting attached. Step back, re-evaluate, and get a grip_. He had been berating himself mentally when Nate had thanked him and he cursed himself for his startled reaction. When he had looked back at Nate all he could seem to think about was the feeling if his hand on his chest.

 

Instead of doing what he should have done and bugged out of the situation, he had smiled at Nate and urged him to continue on. Instead of popping a stealth-boy and high-tailing it as far away as he could, he followed Nate inside. He was turning down a road he might not come back from.

 

The two agents slid inside without a sound and closed the door behind them, both clutched their silenced weapons in front of them and dropped into a crouch. Deacon followed as Nate took the lead. _He’s been here before_ , Deacon thought as Nate navigated the building without hesitation.

 

Deacon knew that Nate was recovering from his earlier melt down, but he assumed that he was focused enough to handle the mission in front of them. _Do you think he would hate you if he knew you know about his son?_ The negative voice in his head had only grown since meeting Nate, and it liked to rear its ugly head at the most inconvenient of times. He shoved the voice aside and focused on following Nate up to the next floor.

 

He knew that Nate wasn’t completely focused when he slammed into a synth because he forgot to check around the corner first. “Curious?” It said as it turned around. Before it could lay its metal eyes on Nate the vault dweller fired Deliverer twice straight into its head. It dropped to the ground with a loud crash and Deacon grimaced.

 

Before any of the other synths could make their way to their location Nate grabbed his arm and shoved him into the bathroom in front of them. The two glanced around them, looking for some form of escape. Deacon noticed that the wall behind the stalls was destroyed enough to allow them passage and he brought it to Nate’s attention. He smiled at him and Deacon turned away.

 

By that time the sythns were either looking in the wrong area or had given up their search. Neither one of them relaxed, however, and after they managed to clear the top floors Deacon could feel the strain of tension as it coursed through his body.

 

The ride down the elevator was more comfortable than the awkwardness from earlier but Deacon still kept a bit of distance from Nate.

 

_You can’t do this Deacon._ He told himself _. You can’t let yourself care._ He ignored the sadness and frustration that he could read all over Nate’s face and instead stared at the buttons inside the elevator.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone has feelings, me most of all. If you enjoyed please let me know with a kudo, a comment, or a message on my [Tumblr](randomwordsandstormydays.tumblr.com).


	15. Butcher Pete

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nate confronts Kellogg, and a new problem arises.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's some graphic violence in this chapter so if that makes you uncomfortable please be careful when reading.

“Well, if it isn’t my old friend, the frozen TV dinner. Last time we met, you were cozying up to the peas and apple cobbler.” Nate startled at the voice that came from the wall speaker and gritted his teeth in frustration. He refused to give Kellogg the satisfaction of a response and instead focused on disarming the trap in front of him.

 

As he and Deacon pushed through the complex Kellogg continued to talk. It started off with jokes and vague threats but it eventually delved into the man asking him to turn around, practically begging Nate to leave. _I wonder if he’s scared_. Nate thought suddenly, but the ridiculousness of that idea was too far-fetched for him to really believe.

 

Before long Nate and Deacon found their way into the final room. Nate saw Deacon looking at him. _Probably trying to figure out if you’re about to lose it again_. Nate felt embarrassment as it creeped its way back into his chest and he focused on Kellogg’s voice, using it to ground him to the situation.

 

He couldn’t find it in himself to worry about what Deacon was going to think of him after this was over. _None of that will matter once I have Shaun back._

 

The door in front of Nate opened and everything else fell away as Kellogg stepped out in front of him. Anger vibrated inside of Nate and he didn’t think, just raised his shotgun up to Kellogg’s chest. The man grinned at him and Nate snapped. “You murdering, kidnapping psychopath! Where is he, where the hell is Shaun?” His eyes scanned the area, noting that there was a synth to his left and another just behind Kellogg. He didn’t see Shaun, didn’t see anywhere where a young boy or baby could be hiding.

 

The mercenary laughed and seemed to take pleasure in Nate’s frustration. “Awe, is someone getting emotional?” Nate tightened his grip on his shotgun and tried to contain himself. “Shaun isn’t here, buddy. He’s also a little older than you probably think. Not so much a cooing baby anymore.”

 

Nick had been right, his son was a young boy now. Even though he already assumed it to be true the confirmation hurt. He refused to give Kellogg the satisfaction of seeing him react, however, and schooled his expression. The mercenary studied him with amusement before continuing. “If you showed up here expecting to return home with your kid, I’m sorry to say that that won’t happen. Your son isn’t here.”

 

Nate dropped his finger to the trigger and watched as Kellogg tracked the motion. “You know where he is, take me to him. Right the fuck now.”

 

Kellogg had the audacity to laugh at him and before he could think better of it Nate pulled the trigger. He heard Deacon shout from somewhere behind him but nothing mattered to him except the man that was still standing in front of him. Nate stared, shocked.

 

“What the hell?” The question was barely out of his mouth before Kellogg was laughing again, only this time it was darker.

 

“You thought that was gonna kill me? You’re not as smart as I thought you were.” The air in the room changed and Nate shuddered. He blinked once and Kellogg disappeared. _Stealthboy_. He only had a second to wonder if Deacon was going to be able to handle the two synths before he dove behind a desk to avoid the laser fire.

 

Nate could hear Kellogg cackling from somewhere ahead of him, the sound grated at his nerves and sent anger coursing through him. He glanced back to see Deacon half hidden behind a cabinet. He met his eye and signaled for him to take cover, as soon as he was clear Nate lobbed a grenade in the direction of the mercenary’s laugh.

 

As soon as the grenade went off Nate threw himself out of cover and searched for Kellogg. He saw the tell-tale wavering of a fading stealthboy and ran towards it. Kellogg’s face showed surprise but Nate didn’t take the time to revel in it before he brought up his gun and used it to bash the mercenary across the face.

 

His momentum and force caused the two of them to tip backwards into an overturned desk and Nate cried out as his side was torn open by a piece of jagged metal. Before he had the opportunity to pull himself off the floor a searing pain ripped through his calf and Nate screamed. He opened his eyes to see a knife sticking out from it and used his good leg to shove himself back from Kellogg.

 

The other man grabbed him by the ankle and ripped him back. Nate’s head collided with the floor and for one dizzying moment he thought he might pass out. Instead he kicked up with his uninjured leg and caught Kellogg under the chin. He watched as the man jerked back and slammed his skull into the wall. Nate took that brief moment of shock to pull Deliverer out and fire it into Kellogg’s kneecap.

 

Nate grimaced at the scream that tore from Kellogg but managed to ignore it. He ripped the knife out from where it still rested inside of him and stabbed it down into Kellogg’s other knee. He then took the opportunity to pull himself over and on top of the wounded man.

 

He braced both of the man’s arms with his legs and held him still, then he placed his pistol under Kellogg’s chin and forced him to make eye contact. “Tell me where Shaun is.” Kellogg went to struggle and Nate reached behind him to twist the knife. He screamed again and Nate twisted it further.

 

“The Institute. He’s at the Institute.” Nate stopped and turned back. “You’ll never get to him.”

 

Nate didn’t respond, instead he pulled the trigger. Once, twice, again and again until the magazine ran out. Even once all the rounds were spent he continued to pull at the trigger. A hand on his shoulder pulled him away from the repetition and back into himself.

 

“I think he’s dead, but if you want I’ll reload that for you and you can keep firing.” Deacon’s voice was low and Nate was grateful for his presence.

 

“No, you’re right. He’s dead.” Nate reached up to accept the hand that Deacon offered to him but stumbled as soon as he put weight on his injury. He collapsed into his companion and cried out.

 

“Where are you hurt?” Deacon pushed him out and away from his body to give Nate a quick once-over and his eyes dropped to his leg. “Were you stabbed?”

 

“Yeah, I was. Fuck - do you have a stim?” Deacon maneuvered Nate so that he leaned back against a desk to use it to keep himself up while Deacon tore open his pack and dug around for a stimpack. He pulled one out and placed it between his teeth before reaching back into the bag and retrieving a roll of gauze and a bottle of whiskey.

 

Deacon handed him the alcohol, dropped to his knees in front of him, and used his knife to cut off the bottom of Nate’s jeans, revealing the wound. “Hardly looks bad at all, no worse than a pin-prick.” Nate grunted in response before taking a long swig of the whiskey and closing his eyes against the pain. “You ready?” Nate nodded and handed Deacon back the bottle.

 

He hissed out as Deacon poured the alcohol over the deep cut and bit down onto his cheek to keep himself from cracking a tooth. The sting from the stimpack was quickly overpowered by the burn as the medication took effect. He hardly felt it as Deacon wrapped the cloth around his leg.

 

Without hesitation Deacon leaned over and let Nate wrap his arm around his neck and lifted him up onto his feet. Nate leaned heavily on Deacon and was ready to collapse when they finally made it to the exit. The two pushed out into the Commonwealth and Nate noticed that the sun was setting.

 

He was about to ask Deacon to let him rest when a loud crackle sounded from up in the air. Nate jerked his head up to look at the noise and choked out a confused, “what the fuck?” as a giant airship took up most of his vision. He pulled away from Deacon and used the railing on the roof to steady himself as he watched vertibirds drop off of the side of the massive structure and begin to fly.

 

As the air ship traipsed across the horizon a voice sounded out, telling whoever was around to hear that they were not there to harm or to hurt. They asked that the people of the Commonwealth stay out of their way.

 

“We are the Brotherhood of Steel.”

 

Nate suddenly remembered Deacon and turned his head to look at his companion. The man looked paler than usual and Nate realized that he hadn’t checked Deacon for injuries.

 

“Deacon, are you okay? Did you get hurt?” Nate raked his eyes over his companion’s form but didn’t see any blood or obvious sign of injury. Deacon looked over to him and frowned.

 

“I’m not injured, no, but that-” He paused, pointing to the airship. “-that is a big fucking deal. The Brotherhood are bad news when it comes to Railroad operations. They think synths are ‘abominations’ that need to be destroyed.”

 

Nate looked back up to watch as the Brotherhood disappeared off to the East. “I’m guessing there’s no room for peace.”

 

“Not at all. We need to get back to HQ. Now.” Deacon’s gaze landed on Nate’s injured leg.

 

“Go on, I’m not too far from Sanctuary, I can make it there and meet you at HQ later.” Nate waved his companion off and moved away from the railing. As he did pain laced up his leg, locking it up. He tipped forward and Deacon’s hands grabbing at his shoulders were the only things that kept him from braining himself on the floor.

 

“Now who’s the liar?” Deacon questioned as he maneuvered Nate so the vault dweller was once more leaning on him for support. “It won’t be too much longer until you can use another stim, for now let’s just head back. Can’t have our newest recruit dying on my watch. Do you know what Des would do to me?”

 

Nate tuned out the rest of what Deacon was saying in favor of simply letting the man’s voice wash over him as they made their way away from Fort Hagen. Their progress was slow and night was quickly falling. Nate was about to suggest making camp for a few hours when a voice startled them both.

 

“A noise?” The duo froze as the question rang out.

 

“Someone there?”

 

Nate looked at Deacon and mouthed ‘Super Mutants’ and he was close enough to see Deacon’s jaw clench as he looked for a solution. With the way his leg was still practically useless Nate began to desperately look for a place they could hide. There was no way he would be able to fight like this, and Deacon wouldn’t be able to take them on and protect him at the same time.

 

_Stupid fucking mercenary and his stupid fucking knife._

 

Off to their left, and away from the Super Mutants, Nate noticed a collapsed house with a teeny tiny shed attached to the side. He pointed over to it and saw Deacon frown. They both knew that the structure was likely too small but the voices of the mutants were getting closer and they realized that there was no other option.

 

Deacon practically drug Nate over to the small structure before he ducked inside and yanked Nate in right after him. Nate reached behind him and pulled the shed door shut, enclosing the two in darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Nate, he just wants his kid back.
> 
> As always, if you enjoyed please let me know with a kudo, a comment, or stop by on [Tumblr](https://randomwordsandstormydays.tumblr.com) to say hi!


	16. Baby It's Just You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nate and Deacon realize some things about each other, and Valentine makes a suggestion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are some sexually suggestive themes this chapter so if that's not your cup of tea please be careful when reading.

Nate focused on steadying his breathing and making as little noise as possible. He listened carefully as the Super Mutants made their way closer to their hiding spot. He closed his eyes, some part of him rationalizing that if his eyes were closed that he could somehow disappear. He knew that if the mutants opened the door they’d be dead. There was no room to fight back.

 

Nate froze as the footsteps got closer and closer, eventually stopping right next to where the two were hiding. Just as Nate was tensing up in preparation of death the Super Mutants began to talk.

 

“Hey! You disappear! No fair!” The mutant sounded so distressed that Nate had to hold back a laugh, the only thing that stopped him was Deacon’s hand gripping tightly at his shoulder.

 

“Ears playing tricks on us again.”

 

Nate began to relax as the sound of the mutants footsteps got further and further away, and as he calmed down he realized just how close he really was to the other Railroad agent.

 

The tight quarters of the shed meant that he was sandwiched between the door and Deacon. He felt the spy’s heartbeat against his cheek from where his face was shoved into the crook of Deacon’s neck. One of the spy’s hands was digging into his shoulder and the other was gripping at Nate’s hip. Deacon was half sitting on the wood that jutted out from the wall and Nate had been forced to straddle the other’s man leg. His arms rested on the wall with Deacon bracketed between them.

 

Nate inhaled sharply at the intimacy of their position and as he did he breathed in a scent that his brain immediately labeled ‘Deacon’. He pulled back, trying to escape, and realized that he couldn’t retreat any further than a few inches from Deacon’s face. Two inches of space separated them and Nate was hit with the sudden urge and desire to slide Deacon’s glasses off of his face.

 

It wasn’t like Nate hadn’t noticed that Deacon was attractive before, but their current position threw all sorts of mental images through Nate’s head. And after the way Deacon had so gently pulled Nate from his panic attack, he was beginning to wonder if maybe he was feeling more than just friendship towards the man between his legs.

 

Nate realized suddenly that he wanted to reach up and drag his thumb across the other man’s lips, feel if they were soft or rough. _Or you could kiss him_. That thought brought Nate to a full stop and his breath hitched before he let it out shakily.

 

\- - - - -

 

Deacon was pretty sure that he had stopped breathing the moment Nate’s body slammed into his. His mind stuttered as it worked overtime to process the stream of information that he was receiving from their close quarters.

 

His hand tightened on Nate’s shoulder and hip and all he could feel was the vault dweller’s muscles as they moved under the fabric of his shirt and his body as it pressed up against his. He wanted to dip his fingers under the clothing and feel if Nate’s skin was as soft and smooth as he had imagined it to be.

 

Deacon tried not to smell Nate’s hair - _like a goddamn creep_ \- but his only other option would have been to not breathe at all. He inhaled slowly, trying not to let Nate hear him. _He smells like soap and gunpowder. How can he possibly smell clean?_

 

Nate pulled back from where he had been and Deacon felt the loss of Nate’s body heat right away. When he brought his eyes up he found that he could barely see Nate’s face, he could only just see his eyes. The darkness of the shed combined with his sunglasses meant that he was practically blind.

 

When Nate inhaled sharply Deacon heard it clearly and he watched as Nate’s gaze dropped down to his mouth. _Is he going to kiss me? Do I want him to kiss me?_ Deacon jolted at the questions his own brain supplied and without thinking went to diffuse the situation.

 

“I think we’re good to leave now.” _Has my voice always been that deep?_

 

Nate jerked as soon as Deacon spoke and the motion caused arousal to shoot up Deacon’s spine. _Don’t get hard, don’t get hard, don’t get hard_. He forced the mantra through his head over and over, willing his body to calm the fuck down. It was difficult, he hadn’t been this close to someone in years, hadn’t let anyone get past his walls. It wasn’t like he hadn’t had sex with anyone since Barbara, but this was different. Nate wasn’t just pressing close to him physically, he had started to push past Deacon’s mental defenses as well.

 

Where the vault dweller had only known him for a few days, Deacon had known him for months. Never before had he grown attached to one of his marks and never before had he been unable to distance himself when he got too close to someone. Physical attraction was one thing, but his feelings towards Nate were slowly sliding into dangerous territory.

 

Nate swallowed hard enough that Deacon could hear it and rasped out, “yeah, I think so too.” Nate’s voice was unsteady and Deacon closed his eyes, trying not to imagine his rough tone in any other situation. A mixture of relief and want racketed through Deacon’s body as Nate pulled away and opened the door. He shivered as the vault dweller’s body heat dissipated into the cool air of the night and he took a second to steady himself.

 

When he finally made his way out of the tiny shed he saw Nate injecting a stimpack into his calf. Nate looked up at Deacon before tearing his gaze away. “It’s been long enough that I can take another one. Give it a few minutes to work and then we can head out again.” Nate’s voice was low, likely to keep the Super Mutants from hearing them again. It sent a shiver down Deacon’s back and caused warmth to pool in his chest.

 

He schooled his voice before responding. “Sounds like a plan. We’ll make better time if you’re not in as much pain.”

 

\- - - - -

 

Nate desperately wished for a cigarette to calm his fraying nerves. Deacon looked half a second from bolting and Nate wondered what would have happened if Deacon hadn’t spoken up. _If instead I had leaned in-_ He stopped that train of thought before it could get too far. Instead he focused on the heat from the stimpack as it sewed together his flesh and muscle. He knew that he’d have a nasty scar but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

 

 Once the burning sensation dissipated Nate stood up and began to walk towards the Railroad HQ. He still had a slight limp but he was steady enough that he no longer needed Deacon’s assistance to move.

 

As they walked Nate realized that Deacon wasn’t talking. Usually he was cracking jokes or telling stories, instead he plodded along next to Nate. Silent as the night. At first Nate figured that Deacon was quiet so as not to alert any lingering Super Mutants, but as they got further and further away Nate realized that that probably wasn’t that case.

 

“You get to ask your question now.”

 

Deacon didn’t respond immediately to his sentence and Nate wondered if maybe he hadn’t actually said it out loud. The silence stretched between them. Nate went to speak again but he was interrupted.

 

“Who’s Shaun and what did that man have to do with him?” Nate had a feeling that Deacon already knew but instead of asking him he decided to answer.

 

Nate explained everything to him, starting with the moments just before the vault. As he talked the two of them continued to walk. It was late into night by the time Nate had finished his story. He ended by telling Deacon about his conversation with Valentine. _Was that really only three days ago?_ He could hardly believe that.

 

“I have this feeling like you already knew most of that though, didn’t you?” Nate felt relief when Deacon smiled at him and the tension around them began to dissipate.

 

“Is that your question for me?”

 

Nate shrugged but didn’t answer, instead he waited to see what Deacon would say.

 

“Do you know the hill behind the vault, the one across the river from Sanctuary?” Nate said that he had. “There’s a little outpost there- not much more than a chair and half a table. I was there when you came out of the vault.”

 

“So, you’ve been following me from the beginning?” Deacon looked away from Nate, a small frown tugged at his mouth. Nate realized that his question might have sounded like an accusation and he back-tracked. “I’m not mad, D, it was just a question.”

 

“Almost. I followed you up until Goodneighbor. After that I went back to HQ. I wasn’t supposed to talk to you, you know? It kinda just happened.” Nate was surprised to hear what sounded like the honest truth coming from Deacon, and he found that he couldn’t be mad that he had been followed for months.

 

“Did you have anything to do with those people in Diamond City?”

 

Deacon let out a quiet laugh before looking over at Nate. “I thought you only got one question?” Nate just smiled at him. “Yeah, alright, I was at the Dugout when you came in. I spied a little and heard you listening to that holotape Des has us leave all over the place. I figured that was my best chance to get you interested so I grabbed a couple runners and had them leave you the hint about the Freedom Trail.”

 

“You’ve just got your fingers in everything, don’t you?” Nate teased. He failed to notice the blush that formed on Deacon’s cheeks at his question, it was too dark. “Also, I need to swing into Diamond City to let Nick know I’m alright. It’s been a while since I told him I was leaving and he’s probably getting worried.”

 

Deacon agreed to give Nate a moment to report back to the synth on their way. Now that the silence had been broken the two agents slid back into their normal traveling roles. Deacon began to tell a story, something about being a woman for a few days when a thought struck Nate.

 

“Why did you use your question to ask me something you already knew?” Deacon’s mouth clamped shut and he looked startled, just for a second.

 

“Always good to verify your intel directly from the source.” Deacon titled his head and smirked. “That should be one of your lessons now that I think about it.” Nate could tell that Deacon was lying, but he also knew that he wasn’t going to get a real answer out of him. Once Deacon deflected, or lied, the conversation was basically over.

 

“I’ll be sure to write that down in my handy-dandy-notebook of Railroad rules.” Nate joked, willing to let the spy think that he had gotten away with his deception.

 

It was pressing well into the night when they finally made their way into Diamond City. The guards looked annoyed at having to open the gate so late and Nate hesitated to tell them that they’d be leaving again soon. Deacon shook his head and pulled Nate up the stairs before he could say anything.

 

“Don’t worry about getting back tonight.” Deacon said. “I know about 20 ways in and out of the city.” Nate believed him.

 

He knocked lightly on Valentine’s door before slowly pushing it open. The office was dark but Nate could hear Nick heading down the stairs. The synth reached up to pull on a string that was connected to the ceiling and the lightbulb above his head flickered on.

 

“Nate, it’s good to see you in one piece.” Nick’s eyes dropped down to his leg. “Or as close as you can get, I suppose.” His yellow eyes darted over to Deacon before he walked past the two of them and motioned for Nate to sit down. “Who’s your friend?”

 

Deacon beat him to it and laughed quietly, “Awe, Nicky, don’t tell me that a simple face swap is gonna keep the best detective in the Commonwealth from recognizing an old friend.”

 

“Ah, Deacon, it’s good to see you again.” He turned his focus back to Nate. “I take it that means you found the Railroad.”

 

Nate leaned back in the chair to take the pressure off of his injury. “I ran into some trouble with a Courser, he was fighting a runaway synth. We managed to put the damn thing down and find our way to his people.” Nate said, pointing to Deacon. “I took him with me to Fort Hagen, he knows everything.”

 

Nick seemed satisfied with that reassurance and once more pulled Nate’s file down from the cabinet. “Unless you stashed your kid somewhere else I’m going to assume he wasn’t there.”

 

Nate took in a deep breath and released it slowly. “Kellogg said that Shaun’s in the Institute.”

 

“And you believe him?”

 

“Yeah, Nick, he wasn’t in much of a position to lie.” Nate shuddered as he recalled the visceral scream that had torn from Kellogg’s throat when he twisted the knife around his knee. “But now I’m at a loss. Kellogg is dead, and I don’t have any other leads.”

 

“This probably isn’t what you want to hear, but I think you’re doing all you can. Working with the Railroad is probably your best bet. If anyone is going to find a way into the Institute, it’s them.”

 

Nate glanced over to Deacon, “You won’t tell Des about Shaun, will you?”

 

The other man shook his head. “She doesn’t need to know anything about him, that’s your business.” Nate offered up a smile to what Deacon had said but it fell off his face quickly as he turned back to Nick.

 

“If you want to do any snooping around Fort Hagen be wary of the basement level. Kellogg’s brains are smeared all over the floor.” Nick grimaced and Nate found that amusing.

 

“I’ll keep that in mind. It’s late, you two should get some sleep.”

 

Nate and Deacon couldn’t agree more and the two of them said their goodbyes to the detective before heading back into the city.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *whispers* kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss...
> 
> As always, I hope you liked this chapter. Please, if you enjoyed, leave a kudo or a comment. They both make my day and yes, I do, re-read comments over and over again when I am not feeling motivated to write.


	17. He's A Demon, He's A Devil...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nate and Deacon continue to travel together. Nate struggles with some pre-war notions of right and wrong, and then he nerds out.

Deacon stared at Nate from his position on solid ground and idly wondered how hard it would be to train up a new agent if their plan failed. He watched, filled with nervousness, as Nate moved on his hands and knees across a less than sturdy board. His heart fluttered as the wind picked up and Nate’s balance wavered. His eyes dropped to the vault dweller’s hands which were white with strain around the knuckles.

 

He held his breath as Nate pulled one hand off the board to reach into the bag attached to his hip. Within seconds he had placed Tinker’s MILA at the end of the plank of wood, secured it with tape, and started his slow retreat back to where Deacon was waiting. He didn’t breathe again until Nate was back on the metal roof.

 

“Well, that looked like fun. Reminds me of the time I was a tight-rope walker. No better way to stay away from Deathclaws than making sure you’re 30 feet above their heads.” He watched as the tension drained from Nate’s body and congratulated himself on making his partner relax.

 

“You had a better chance at making me believe you when you tried to convince me you were the founder and leader of the Railroad.”

 

Deacon smiled as he remembered that conversation. It had been a week after the incident at Fort Hagen and Nate had reverted back into his old habit of throwing himself at the Commonwealth’s problems so that he didn’t have to face his own. Only instead of just supporting the Minutemen, he had also begun to run mission for the Railroad.

 

It was some time after clearing out Croup Manor, known to them as Mercer Safehouse, when Deacon had tried to convince Nate that Desdemona was actually working for him. Nate had been halfway through a Nuka Cola and had laughed so hard that the 200 year old soft drink had come out of his nose. He had tried to be offended when Nate said, “Why don’t you just tell me the lesson that you’re trying to teach instead of attempting to sell me some bullshit,” but he couldn’t.

 

Instead he did as asked and delved into his speech about the other organizations in the Commonwealth and how Nate needed to be sure that he was looking at their actions, not their words. Look at what they ask Nate to do for them and what kind of world that they wanted to build.

 

He hadn’t lied when Nate question him about the Railroad. He had been genuine, telling him that their goal wasn’t to save the whole Commonwealth that they just wanted to make a better and safer place for synths. He had been doing that a lot, telling Nate the truth.

 

Then Nate had asked him what he thought about the rest of the factions floating around and Deacon had been much too eager to get into that. Nate was delighted to hear that Deacon supported his actions in the Minutemen and had agreed to be skeptical of the Brotherhood if it ever came to meeting them.

 

He had ended that conversation with a last bit of honesty, “I don’t know if it’s your good old fashion Pre-war values or if you just won the genetic lottery, but anyone that has you in their corner has an advantage.” Deacon had basked in his success when Nate blushed at that.

 

Calling Deacon out on his lies and bullshit wasn’t the only thing that Nate had been up to.

 

In the three weeks since their conversation outside Mercer, Nate - with Deacon’s help - had accomplished quite a few things. He had rescued a kidnapped kid for Nordhagen Beach, cleared out ferals and raiders for three other settlements, placed five- now six- MILAs for Tinker Tom, rescued a child from Molerat Disease, commandeered a Ms. Handy named Curie, downloaded said Ms. Handy into a brand new synth body, and recovered a cure for Maccready’s sick son.

 

Not only did he do all of that, be he also managed to slowly and steadily break down the walls that Deacon had so carefully constructed to keep himself distanced from others. At least five times a day Deacon tried to convince himself that he needed to request a transfer and distance himself, but then Nate would crack a joke or tell one of his own tall-tales and Deacon’s resolve would crumble.

 

Nate’s hand on his shoulder bounced Deacon back into the present and he flashed the other man a smile. “I’ll have you believing what I say eventually, partner. Now how about you and I get back down to ground level.”

 

“Sounds good to me, we’ll leave a dead drop for Tom.” Nate paused to look at his pip-boy and Deacon saw as a frown appeared on his face. “We also need to go and check out something for Hancock. He said some Raiders have been going missing from the area around Goodneighbor and he wants me to check it out, make sure that whoever it is isn’t about to start killing his people.”

 

///

 

It was pushing just past noon when the two of them finally made it to the location that Hancock had marked for Nate. Deacon didn’t recognize it, but he hadn’t been gathering as much intel since he started traveling with the vault dweller.

 

He followed Nate into the building and instantly felt sick. The whole interior was covered in blood and body parts, worse than any raider or super mutant den that Deacon had ever seen. Nate dropped the two raiders on the first floor in near perfect silence but Deacon was too distracted by the stench to be impressed.

 

Deacon watched as Nate inspected the paintings on the walls and realized that it wasn’t paint, but blood. “Fixer, buddy, don’t touch any of those. I’m pretty sure this guy didn’t use conventional art supplies.” A look of disgust appeared on Nate’s face as he studied the “artwork”.

 

“Yeah, I think you’re right. This is… disturbing. To say the least.” Deacon couldn’t help but agree.

 

Ignoring the body parts and overwhelming stench of death and decay they easily found the door leading to the basement. It didn’t take them very long to make it to the final room, taking out raiders and disarming traps as they went. Deacon crouched down and analyzed the situation below. A man, who the raiders addressed as ‘Pickman’ was facing down three of what looked to be well armed and pissed off friends of the victims upstairs.

 

Deacon turned to Nate. “Why don’t we just let them take care of him? Then take out the raiders and go?” He was surprised to see Nate shake his head.

 

“I want to talk to him first. I don’t think he’ll hurt us.”

 

He didn’t agree, but Nate was in charge of this op and he wasn’t going to go against him. In silent agreement they both raised their weapons and fired, easily dropping two of the three raiders with clean and precise headshots. The third raider whipped around to look for them and in that instant Pickman pulled a knife and stabbed it into the man’s back, right below his armor.

 

The man dropped with a scream and laid on the ground. Deacon could see clearly that the man wasn’t dead, only paralyzed. Nate gestured for him to head down to the lower level and followed behind him as he complied. When they got there Deacon noticed that the raider’s tongue had been removed and that there were blood stains on Pickman’s hands.

 

When they made it to where Pickman was the man gave them the eeriest grin that Deacon had ever seen. “Those people deserved worse than death.” He spoke in a calm voice, one that didn’t match the situation, and kicked his foot out at the still-living raider. “This one will get what he deserves.” Deacon refused to think about what that might mean.

 

Nate seemed unaffected by the entire situation and spoke to the man like he hadn’t seen the rooms upstairs. The only thing Deacon noticed was that that his skin was paler than normal. “Why did they want you so badly?”

 

Pickman smirked before responding. “A small disagreement. They objected to my hobby of collecting their heads.” The man’s eyes landed on Nate and Deacon felt the urge to put himself between them.

 

“I would like to thank you for that timely rescue by presenting you with a gift.” He reached into his pocket and the action caused Deacon to tighten his grip on his pistol, ready to defend Nate if the man decided to attack. “If you visit my house again, look deep within my painting ‘Picnic for Stanley’ and you will find my gratitude.” He tossed the keys to Nate who caught them robotically and handed them straight to Deacon.

 

“Do you only kill raiders?” Nate asked, his eyes dropping to look at the man still laying at his feet.

 

“I don’t kill them, they are repurposed for my artwork. But yes, I only use raiders in my paintings, no one else. I promise you that.” Deacon gripped the key in his hand tightly, forcing himself to bite his tongue.

 

“If I find out that you’ve killed anyone else, I will return and stop you.” Nate’s tone left no room for argument.

 

Instead of protesting Pickman gave Nate a look that Deacon could only describe as sultry as the man practically purred his response. “I wouldn’t want anything else, Killer.”

 

Nothing else was said and Deacon grabbed Nate’s arm nearly dragging him in his attempt to put distance between them and the serial killer. Nate didn’t put up a fight and silently trailed behind Deacon as he maneuvered his way back into the main house. He pulled Nate outside and breathed in air that didn’t smell like blood for the first time that afternoon. Then he turned to Nate. The other man was leaning against the wall, dry heaving.

 

“What was that in there? Why the hell didn’t we kill him?”

 

Nate pushed off the wall and turned to Deacon, his eyes were clouded, “How is that man in there any different than me, Deacon? I mean he’s only killing raiders, how is that any different from what I do?”

 

“Maybe because you’re not torturing them and then using their blood to paint gruesome and creepy artwork?” Deacon knew he sounded shocked but he couldn’t help it. Nate didn’t seem to be phased. If anything he looked worse.

 

“I’m struggling with this.” Nate said quietly.

 

“I mean, yeah, that place was a disaster, not exactly somewhere you want to vacation in.”

 

“That’s not what I mean.” He seemed to battle with himself as he thought about what to say. “I’m not-” Deacon watched Nate carefully, looking for any sign of panic attack or shortness of breath. Instead the vault dweller resumed his resting position against the wall and slid down the bricks until he was seated on the floor. Deacon moved closer to him as Nate dropped his eyes to the ground.

 

“This world is so different from where I came from.” His words were laced with emotion and Deacon remained silent, trying to focus. He dropped down next to his partner, their knees bumped together and they both shuddered. “Killing is second nature to everyone here, and I’m trying to make that the case for myself. During battle it’s easy to forget that these are people, but afterwards when there’s nothing but me and the bodies…”

 

He trailed off and started laughing, a hollow and broken sound. “Did I ever tell you what Nora did?” Deacon shook his head and against his better judgment leaned forward and placed his hand over Nate’s. “She was a lawyer, and one of her first real cases was a murder.” As he talked he stared at Deacon’s hand where it overlapped his.

 

“This man had murdered his wife and teenage son. He claimed that they weren’t his family anymore, that they had been replaced by body double. He had some sort of trauma to his brain from a car accident, made it so that some part of him got disconnected from reality.” Nate titled his head back and closed his eyes.

 

“Nora would come home from trial and tell me everything. The disgust in her eyes, the way she spoke about him.” He laughed again, it was still void of any real humor. “As I’m digging through the bodies I can hear her saying ‘life without parole’. I know that that’s not how the world works anymore, but this is hard.” He opened his eyes again and it seemed like he was looking right through the shades. “How do I come to terms with who I need to be to survive?”

 

Deacon was silent for a long time and he struggled with the right words to say, a rare occurrence for him. Nate had looked away early on and was staring at the ground. Deacon squeezed the hand that was still under his. “There’s nothing that I can say, not really. You’re just going to have to believe me when I say that no one sees you as a monster or a killer. You help people, you save people. You’re nothing like Pickman who kills for his own pleasure and amusement.” He paused until Nate looked back up at him. “You’re a good person, much better than me. There isn’t another soul in the Commonwealth that would do what you have for so many people.”

 

He watched as the corner of Nate’s mouth twitched upwards. “Thanks, D. I really needed that.”

 

Deacon grinned and jumped to his feet, pulling Nate up with him. He had to force the positivity to stay on his face when Nate’s hand slid out of his own. “Anytime, partner, I’m always ready for a good heart-to-heart.”

 

The vaultie glanced back at the entrance to Pickman’s House. “If he hurts someone who’s innocent then we’ll come back. I’ll let Hancock know not to worry.” Nate looked over at Deacon’s hand where he still had the key gripped tightly. “Should we go back and see what he left me?”

 

The idea of going back into Pickman’s house had a fully bodied shudder running through Deacon’s body. “I would much rather not go back in there. Ever.”

 

Nate stuck his hand out and Deacon dropped the key into his palm. “I’ll be right back.” He pulled his bandana up and over his nose and mouth before he pushed past Deacon and headed inside. When he returned he gave Deacon a handful of caps and tucked a new knife into his bag. “Let’s head out for Goodneighbor.”

 

///

 

The plan in Goodneighbor had been to talk to Hancock and then head back to HQ to see if there was anything Desdemona needed from them. Instead Deacon found himself standing behind Nate in the pouring rain as he attempted to break into a pre-war comic store.

 

Nate was practically buzzing with excitement and babbled on as he twisted the screwdriver into the lock. “Mac told me about this place when I first met him and we had made plans to come here and grab this axe-” He looked back at Deacon, “-it’s Grognock’s by the way.” Deacon smiled at Nate’s excitement as he turned back to lock picking. “But everything happened with Valentine and Fort Hagen and it totally slipped my mind.” He cursed as the bobby pin he was using snapped and quickly pulled another one from his bag. “But I didn’t know that the actual Silver Shroud costume was here too. If I had, I would have come here so much sooner.”

 

Deacon was glad to see that the dark cloud that had loomed over Nate’s head following their interaction with Pickman had seemed to of disappeared, or at least lifted. _I’ll have to keep an eye on him. Pre-war folk sure cared about their morals._

 

The lock on the door gave way and Nate jumped back up from where he was crouched down. Deacon took joy in Nate’s eagerness and felt his stomach flip-flop at the lopsided grin Nate was wearing on his face. It hit Deacon as he was walking in that he would do almost anything to make sure Nate kept looking at him like that.

 

\- - - - -

 

Nate had to hold back an excited giggle that threated to burst from him as he spotted the case that held Grognock’s axe. He left Deacon to take out the few ferals on the first floor and watch his back as he slid a bobby pin into the lock. He was grinning down at the case when it popped open. He turned back to see Deacon at the terminal behind him.

 

“I thought you didn’t have the patience for those.” He whisper asked.

 

Deacon held up a piece of paper and grinned. “Someone left the password right here on the desk. Not very secure if you ask me.” Instead of responding Nate focused his attention back on the glass display case. He lifted it slowly, being wary of the rusted hinges. Once the case was open and no longer in danger of squeaking loudly he reached inside and lifted the weapon.

 

He was surprised by its weight and delight shot through him like a lightning bolt. “Deacon, holy fuck. It’s not just a prop, it’s a real axe.” Even to him the excitement was childish but he couldn’t seem to reel himself in. He reached up and drug a finger down the edge and let out quiet laugh when it sliced open the pad of his finger.

 

By that time Deacon had shoved his way into Nate’s personal space and was running his own hands over the axe. “This is awesome. Find me a loin cloth, I’m going under cover as Grognock next.” He was about to respond when a snarl sounded from the other side of the room. The two men glanced at each other and similar looks of excitement appeared on their faces.

 

Without speaking Nate pulled away from Deacon and raised the axe. He silently slid along the front wall and around the broken comic display racks. As he rounded the last aisle he made eye contact with a feral ghoul. It growled loudly and Nate heard shuffling start on the floor above them. He ignored the sounds in favor of rushing forward. He brought the axe up and swung it sideways, catching the feral across the face. Its head snapped backwards and part of its face flew across the room. He tightened his grip on the handle and then swung the weapon down again. This time the feral’s skull cracked open with a sickening sound and it dropped to the floor.

 

“That was fucking awesome.” Deacon’s voice startled him and he whipped around. He was about to respond when the spy raised his pistol and fired over his shoulder. He turned to see another feral dead behind him. “C’mon let me try the axe. That looked like fun.” Nate hesitated but the look on Deacon’s face caused him to relent.

 

The two made their way through the rest of the comic shop easily. Nate dropped the ferals to their knees and Deacon decimated their brains with the axe. By the end of it they were both covered in feral guts, in desperate need of a shower, but they were also smiling.

 

Nate pulled the Silver Shroud costume off of the mannequin and shoved it into his bag along with the hat and the few items of merchandise he found that he thought Kent would like. _And if he doesn’t then I could always give it to Maccready._

 

The smile that he wore at that thought dropped right off his face when he spun around and saw Deacon. For a moment all Nate could think was _good lord that’s a lot of skin_. Deacon stood, nearly naked, dressed in what appeared to be an official Grognock costume. Nate’s eyes raked over exposed flesh and suddenly he was back in that tiny shed, desperate for a touch. There was a light blush on Deacon’s face and Nate wondered if he would be able to feel the heat under his palm if he reached out to feel.

 

“Looks like I don’t even have to scrounge up a disguise, there’s one right here!” Deacon was giddy and his statement jolted Nate out of his blatant staring. He jerked his gaze away, choosing instead to focus on the Silver Shroud machine gun that he had found behind the stage curtain. The heat he could feel pooling in his cheeks betrayed his calm demeanor. _I wish I had a pair of sunglasses to hide behind_.

 

Nate had allowed Deacon to put distance between them following the night where they had hid, pressed up against one other, from Super Mutants. He had spent the last month trying, and failing, to not let his gaze linger on his partners mouth or the just noticeable crinkles by his eyes. He had many a bruise from where he had pinched his own thigh in order to remind him not to stare at the curve of Deacon’s ass or the peak of skin that showed above his jeans when the spy raised his arms.

 

He argued that it was because he wasn’t over Nora, that his heart still fractured more anytime he thought of her, but he knew that wasn’t the only reason. Nate knew that Deacon distanced himself from people on purpose, that he severed relationships and closed himself off if things got too serious. He had learned that when Deacon tried to convince him that being alone was a good thing. Yes, Nate missed Nora, still loved her with everything in his heart. But the real reason he didn’t reach out and pull Deacon to him, the real reason he averted his eyes on a daily occasion, the real reason he pinned over his friend instead of pushing him to be more, was from fear of rejection.

 

Nate was just protecting his still fragile heart.

 

His voice was rough when he finally managed to reply. “The Silver Shroud could always use a sidekick.” The look he got in return made his heart flip-flop in his chest. _He’s going to be the death of me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope y'all continue to enjoy the chapters as I put them out. If you do please leave a kudo, a comment, or stop by on [Tumblr](randomwordsandstorymdays.tumblr.com) to say hi.


	18. He's A Doll

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nate meets the Brotherhood, and that goes... well, it goes.

Fortunately for Nate’s heart (and his dick) his companion didn’t wear the costume for much longer. Rain was still pouring down outside and even Deacon wasn’t willing to risk sickness just to strut around the Commonwealth dressed as a modern day barbarian. This was probably for the best, as the two agents spent the next three days hunting down ne'er-do-wells and miscreants through the streets of Goodneighbor.

 

Nate had to admit that the Shroud costume made him feel invincible, but their dwindling supply of stimpacks reminded him that this was not the case. That didn’t stop him from running into buildings spewing words about retribution and cleansing the Commonwealth. However, his fun came crashing down when Kent was kidnapped and he had to risk life and limb to make sure that the ghoul was returned to The Memory Den in one piece. He mostly accomplished that mission, only short a finger or two from the radio host.

 

After that Nate decided that it was time to retire the Silver Shroud and instead pick back up his Minutemen responsibilities in Sanctuary. They were passing through College Square when Nate’s pipboy began to beep. He waved Deacon over and quickly flipped to the radio tab and searched for the signal that alerted the device.

 

_“This is Scribe Haylen of Reconnaissance Squad Gladius to any unit in transmission range. Authorization Arx. Ferrum. Nine. Five. Our unit has sustained casualties and we’re running low on supplies. We’re requesting support or evac from our position at Cambridge Police Station. Automated message repeating… … … This is Scribe Haylen of-”_

 

Nate clicked off the message and turned to where he knew the police station to be. As he turned Deacon’s hand landed on his arm. “Fixer that was a Brotherhood message. Remember what I said about them.”

 

He looked worried. “Don’t look at me like that. I’m not gonna leave them to die just because they’re part of an asshole organization. It doesn’t mean I have to join them.”

 

Deacon rolled his eyes and muttered, “Fucking savior of the Commonwealth everybody. Let’s go save some racists.”

 

Nate dashed off towards the sound of laser fire and raised his shotgun taking out ferals as he went. He jogged into the entrance of the police station and raised up his hands in defense as a man in power armor aimed at him. “Don’t shoot, we’re here to help.” The man opened up to respond but a fresh wave of ferals entered the courtyard and both realized that they had more important things to do than argue about authorized personnel.

 

For the next fifteen minutes Nate, Deacon, and the unnamed Brotherhood soldiers systematically destroyed the waves of feral ghouls that threatened to overwhelm their position. Once the fight was over the power armor clad man turned to Nate. “We appreciate the assistance civilian. However, I must ask what your business here is.”

 

Nate grinned and kicked at a feral by his feet. “Were you not the ones who called for the pest removal? Could have sworn that’s what my boss said.” He pretended to pull out a piece of paper. “Ah, yes, right here. Brotherhood Soldiers can’t seem to handle some zombies. Head over to the police station and help them out.”

 

The man didn’t look amused and threated to have them removed from the area. “Listen, does it really matter? I helped you with those ferals out of the kindness of my heart. No need for the third degree.”

 

“You did help us. I am Paladin Danse and I didn’t mean to sound ungrateful, anyone who is willing to help the Brotherhood is appreciated. My team has faced many issues upon our arrival.” He glanced back to the police station where a man was sitting on the ground, chest covered in blood. “We have been under constant fire since entering the Commonwealth.”

 

He paused, taking in Nate and Deacon’s appearance. He must have drawn a positive conclusion from their dress because he suddenly changed tactics. “You were very helpful against those ferals, perhaps you would be willing to assist us further. We could use an extra gun with Knight Rhys injured as he is.”

 

“I heard on the radio that you’re low on supplies.”

 

Nate nearly smirked when the paladin blushed in shame. “We were not nearly as prepared as we should have been for this mission. We had not expected such heavy resistance. As stands I am a man down and we don’t have the necessary supplies to make it back to the Prydwin.”

 

_So that’s what that giant fucking ship is called_ , Nate thought, _I might not like their ideals but it would be basically leaving them for dead if I left now_. Deacon seemed to read his thoughts because the man groaned, almost inaudibly from behind him. The spy only made that sound when Nate was dragging him into something he didn’t want to do.

 

“We’ve been trying to contact my superiors, but the signal from here is too weak.”

 

From behind Danse, up on the stairs of the police station, a voiced called out. “Paladin Danse, Sir, I actually might have found a solution.” The woman stood up from where she was tending to Knight Rhys’ wounds.

 

“Proceed Scribe Haylen.”

 

“I’ve modified the radio tower on the roof to extend far enough out to reach the Prydwin. What we need now is something to boost the signal. I believe that ArcJet Systems will have the necessary device to get our transmission out. It’s called the Deep Range Transmitter.” She turned back to the injured man and continued her medical care.

 

“I propose that we infiltrate the facility, secure the transmitter, and bring it back here.” The man looked hopeful. “So, civilian, what do you say. Are you willing to lend the Brotherhood of Steel a hand?”

 

Nate felt the distrust and annoyance that Deacon was putting off, but he ignored it. “Well, as long as we don’t die horrible deaths that sounds like a great plan. My name is Nathan Cooper, and this is Marcel Proust-” He almost missed the incredulous look that Deacon shot him as he continued to talk, “-Marcel will stay here, to make sure your squad stays safe, and I’ll come with you.” Danse looked like he was about to argue but Nate cut him off. “That’s the deal, Paladin, take it or we walk. How would you feel if more ferals came and no one was here to protect them?”

 

That seemed to shake Danse out of his mistrust. “Alright, Nathan, those terms are agreeable. We leave now.”

 

“Give me a minute to talk to my partner and then we can go.” Paladin Danse nodded his understanding and then walked back to his squad. In turn, Nate turned to Deacon.

 

“What the fuck, Fixer? It was one thing to save them from ferals but now you want to get them back to the mothership? Didn’t I warn you about these guys?” Deacon’s hands clenched and unclenched from their hold on his gun, a clear marker of anxiety.

 

“Listen, this gives both of us a chance to gather some intel on these guys. I know you were pissed when Des sent agent Charmer out to scout out the Brotherhood. I’m giving you this time to learn all you can.” Nate watched as Deacon considered this for a moment before begrudgingly agreeing that it was a good idea.

 

“Just don’t let them get into your head with that Brotherhood bullshit.” Nate rolled his eyes.

 

“Don’t worry, I won’t let that tin can sway me to the dark side.” He glanced over to where the Paladin was waiting for him. “Although, the power armor sure looks nice. I wouldn’t mind a set of that.” Deacon huffed at him but Nate was all smiles.

 

It scared Nate how easily he slipped back into ‘Soldier mode’. He followed Danse’s direction without question and executed his commands flawlessly. The Paladin was impressed and said as much as they left the building. What also scared him was the way Danse spoke about ghouls and synths. _Deacon was right, the Brotherhood can’t be reasoned with. They’d kill Hancock and Nick on sight, no questions asked. That’s not a group I want to associate with._

 

He had, however, made a promise and without being asked handed over the Deep Range Transmitter to Danse, content to get back to Deacon and leave the Brotherhood behind. That was the plan, but on the walk back Danse caused him to lose his nerve. The man would not stop talking. He was all ‘civilian this’ and ‘civilian that’, talking about how every person pre-war was a power hungry and technology obsessed maniac. He mentioned how ghouls and synths were ‘abominations’ that should be basically shot on sight. As they stepped in the courtyard Nate snapped.

 

“Alright that’s enough.” He spoke loud enough that the man stopped in his tracks at the door to the station. “First of all, I’m not a fucking civilian. Not only am I the General and leader of the fucking Minutemen but I was also in the Army pre-war.” He was fuming at this point. “And how dare you speak about things you don’t know. Was the pre-war government obsessed with power and technology? Abso-fucking-lutely. Were all of us that way? Hell no.”

 

Danse went to speak but Nate continued to talk, not giving the other man a chance to open his mouth. “Every damn day of Anchorage I prayed that the war would end. I prayed that I could go home to my wife and live out a peaceful and happy existence. So don’t stand here and act like you’re so much better than me just because you were born after the world got fucked.”

 

He was animated at he talked, swinging his hands around in a display of his annoyance. “And another thing. You have the audacity to stand here and say that the Brotherhood must store technology to protect it from falling into the wrong hands. Yet here you are-” He waved his hand over Danse’s form, “-decked in a full suit of power armor, and I’m willing to bet that’s not the only suit that the Brotherhood has. It was one thing that I didn’t believe in your ideals, but you’re not just racists, you’re hypocrites.”

 

He could feel the anger that threatened to overwhelm him and he forced himself to calm down. “Look, Danse, you seem like a nice guy, you really do. But I just can’t get behind the Brotherhood ideals. Maybe it’s because I didn’t grow up in this time, but I just don’t understand the blatant racism. I’m glad that we were able to help you today, but don’t expect my help again. Marcel and I are leaving. I wish you the best of luck.”

 

Nate pushed past the flabbergasted paladin and stormed into the police station. The sight he was met with hurt. Deacon stood with his arm thrown over Scribe Haylen’s shoulders and his lips pressed against her ear. She was laughing as Nate entered and the two of them caused him to pause in his war path. She pulled away from Deacon as he entered, but he had seen enough.

 

“Marcel, we’re leaving.” He practically spit out the words before turning on his heel and stomping back outside. He passed Danse, who told him that if he ever changed his mind that the Brotherhood would still be willing to accept him. He didn’t respond, instead he turned towards Sanctuary, not even bothering to check if Deacon was behind him.

 

_You’re not allowed to be mad_ , he told himself as he stormed down the street, _Deacon isn’t yours. If he wants to hang all over that Brotherhood girl then you need to let him. You can’t hide how you feel and then get mad. That’s not fair to him_. His thoughts calmed him a little, but he was still mad.

 

_You’re not mad_ , a voice that sounded suspiciously like Nora said, _you’re hurt_.

 

“Fixer! Man what the hell, you know I hate cardio.” Deacon’s voiced called out to him but Nate didn’t stop, he only slowed. The spy jogged up next to him, not out of breath at all. “What happened back there with the ‘tin can’, you looked pissed.”

 

“You’re right. The Brotherhood is full of racists, self-entitled assholes. I learned what I needed to.” He risked a glance at the other man, he was staring at him intently, so he looked away.

 

“C’mon, you’ve got your panties all in a twist, talk to me.”

 

“You looked comfy when I walked in, you get your intel?” For a second it looked like Deacon might question him more, instead he relented and took off talking about everything he had learned from observing Rhys and Haylen.

 

Nate was surprised by the amount of information that Deacon had gathered, although he supposed that he shouldn’t be. Intelligence gathering was his partner’s main specialty, he didn’t usually do what he was doing with Nate.

 

Nate didn’t participate much in the conversation back to Sanctuary, but as the spotlight turrets came into view he found that he couldn’t bring himself to be annoyed with Deacon anymore. He hadn’t actually betrayed him and Nate decided to let what he had seen in the police station go.

 

Deacon dipped almost immediately upon entering the settlement and Nate waved at him as he left. He thanked whatever gods were out there that he didn’t run into Preston, he just didn’t have the energy to deal with him right now. As he walked through his door he was surprised to see Valentine lounging on the couch, smoking a cigarette with Dogmeat resting at the synth’s feet.

 

“Hey, Nick, if I had known you were coming I would have prepared tea.”

 

The synth snorted at his joke and flicked his cigarette into the ashtray. “Coffee would be better, but I guess beggars can’t be choosers.” Dogmeat jumped up at the sound of his voice and rushed over.

 

Nate dropped his things on the floor by the entrance and slid onto the love seat, letting Dogmeat lay his head in his lap. “What have I done to deserve the pleasure of your company?” He asked as he lit up his own cigarette.

 

Valentine pulled something out of his pocket, which looked like a human body part, and placed it in front of Nate on the table. When he finally got a good look at it Nate choked on the smoke he was inhaling. He coughed hard and pounded at his chest before wheezing out a, “what the fuck is that?”

 

“That, is a synthetic brain. I pulled it out of Kellogg’s head. I wasn’t sure if it would be of any help, but then I remembered Doctor Amari in Goodneighbor. She’s the one that helped Curie get her synth body. If anyone could tell us what that thing knows-” He pointed at the cybernetics, “it would be her.”

 

Nate crushed out his barely used cigarette and glanced down at his coffee table. “When do we leave?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awe, jealous Nate is my favorite. I hope he's yours too.
> 
> If you liked the chapters this week please let me know with a kudo, a comment, or by stopping by on my [Tumblr](randomwordsandstormydays)


	19. Undecided

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nate enters the Memory Loungers for a second time. Deacon gets his feelings hurt.

Deacon watched Nate as he stared down at the memory lounger in front of him and shuddered. He wondered if he was remembering the first time he had used one of the machines. Valentine was already hooked up to the lounger to the right but Nate looked like he wasn’t about to move anytime soon. Deacon made his way over and placed his hand on Nate’s arm, squeezing lightly.

 

“You good Fix?” He asked quietly, his attempt to keep Amari’s focus off of them.

 

Nate nodded once, quick and sharp, before releasing a stuttering breath. “The last time I was in one of these I saw Nora. It was…” he swallowed, “it was so real.”

 

_Looks like I got my wish, I finally got to hear what he saw that day_.

 

Deacon rubbed his thumb over Nate’s skin, relishing for just a moment how soft it felt under his fingertips. “I’ll be here the whole time. Besides, Amari won’t have her hands on that terminal the whole time. Maybe I’ll rewire Nick, make him think that he’s a Protectron.”

 

Deacon couldn’t help the lie as it slid out of his mouth, but the way Nate’s lips twitched upwards made him feel like he was doing the right thing. He made himself drop the hand that was still touching Nate and then he gestured over to the pod. “After you, my good Sir.” Nate let a small smile spread over his features before he dropped his bags on the floor and climbed into the pod.

 

Dogmeat trotted over to the edge of the lounger and sat down next to the pod, the dog howled out a light whimper as the glass lowered.

 

Deacon saw a brief moment of panic flash across Nate’s face as the glass clicked into place. He waved his hand, grabbing Nate’s focus, and threw the vaultie a thumbs up. He then took an exaggerated breath and smiled when Nate did the same. He let Nate mimic his breathing until he dropped off into the memories.

 

As soon as Nate’s eyes closed he dashed over to Amari who was speaking into the microphone. The tiny screen next to her displayed what the vault dweller was seeing and hearing as he traipsed through Kellogg’s memories.

 

At first it was easy, Nate watched the memories play out and didn’t get involved, and managed to gather a decent amount of information on the now-dead mercenary. It wasn’t until Deacon recognized the vault that he began to worry.

 

“Amari, pull him out of that memory. Now.” He voiced was low, threatening, and she turned to look at him with shock in her eyes. “I’m not in the mood to argue, get him out of there.”

 

She turned back to the screen and tapped quickly. “I can’t, he’s not letting me guide him anymore. Agent Fixer is in control here.” She sounded panicked and it made Deacon wonder just how he might have sounded.

 

“Then turn it off, pull him out. He doesn’t need to see this.” Nate was moving forward on the screen, circling Kellogg.

 

“Deacon what is going on? Why are you acting like this?”

 

“Maybe because Nate doesn’t need to see his wife murdered and child stolen again!” He shouted out, almost missing the fact that he called the Railroad agent by his real name. Just as Amari was about to reply the familiar sound of a high caliber pistol firing sounded in the room. Deacon turned back towards the screen and bit at the side of his cheek to keep from whimpering.

 

The memory was fading around Nate but he stood stock-still, unmoving and unblinking. Even as the image of his wife faded right in front of his eyes he didn’t move. Amari spoke to him, trying to get him to move on to the next memory, but it was like Nate couldn’t hear her.

 

Deacon reached forward and pulled the microphone from her hands. “Fixer.” He spoke calmly, trying to get the man to do something, anything. “Fixer you need to move to the next memory.” His words seemed to fall on deaf ears and Deacon tried one more time. “Nate, please.”

 

Nate startled and finally began to look around, it seemed as if he was just noticing that the memory had disappeared. “Deacon?” He sounded far away and Deacon closed his eyes.

 

“Yeah, buddy, it’s me. How about you move on to the next memory so we can go ahead and get you out of there?” He tried to keep his voice steady and soothing, but without being about to actually see Nate’s face he wasn’t sure if he was really helping. _At least I got him to move_.

 

“Okay.” Deacon relaxed as Nate moved forward and stepped into another memory. Without a word he slid the mic over to Amari and moved back, shooting the actual Nate a quick glance. The man looked pale and small locked inside the memory lounger and Deacon frowned.

 

_How can a man so strong and resilient look so small and fragile?_

 

“Teleportation!” Amari’s voiced startled him back into focus and he turned to see her looking at him expectantly. “The reason we’ve never been able to find a door to the Institute is because there is no door!” He mirrored her excitement with his face and actions but inside he felt worried.

 

She pulled away from the terminal. “I must pull Mr. Valentine out first, I’ll ensure that the connection has been severed and then we can remove _agent Fixer_ from the other lounger.” The way she said Nate’s codename sounded like an accusation and Deacon could almost hear Desdemona’s voice in his head.

 

_Agent fraternization leads to problems in the field and leaves you vulnerable to the Institute. While it is not expressly forbidden it is highly discouraged_. He knew that Amari had received that same speech when she decided to help them.

 

“Sounds like a plan, Doc.” He replied, ignoring her questioning eyes and accusatory tone. “I’ll just wait here.”

 

Valentine wobbled as he stepped out of the lounger and he watched, amused, as Doctor Amari went over the various questions and tests to ensure that the mental connection had been fully severed. “You may experience mnemonic impressions, if they do not go away in a day or two please come back so that we can see what the problem may be.”

 

“Are you saying that Kellogg might be floating around in my head?”

 

“Not exactly, without going into too much detail it’s like a…” She paused as she searched for the right term. “It’s kind of like a bruise. It shows that something happened, and you can see it, but in a few days it’s like it was never there. We just need to make sure the bruise doesn’t turn into an open wound.”

 

Valentine seemed satisfied with that answer and excused himself to head upstairs and rest. Deacon waited impatiently as Amari released the lock on Nate’s lounger and resisted the urge to reach out and help his partner out of the machine. Instead he stayed pressed against the wall and maintained a friendly distance. Nate’s head raised up but as soon as he made eye contact with Deacon he turned away. Dogmeat licked at Nate’s hand and the vault dweller reached down to scratch behind his ears as he spoke to Amari.

 

“The Institute uses teleportation and it looks like my best bet at figuring out how that process works is getting to that Virgil guy.”

 

“The courser said that he was in the Glowing Sea. There’s far too much radiation there for you.” Deacon missed the last memory that had played and he listened closely, trying to piece together the details of what had happened.

 

Nate ignored her as he picked his things up off the ground. When he turned to face her there was determination stretched out and over his features. “I will find him, Amari, he’s the best shot I have at getting my son back.”

 

_Looks like I’m going to need to start collecting more Rad-x and Radaway. Maybe Carrington will give me a deal_.

 

Deacon smiled when Amari handed Nate a few radiation prevention supplies, grateful that the Doctor was helping out as best she could. Goodbyes were said and Deacon followed behind Nate as he walked back upstairs. Valentine was sitting on a bench by the exit and Nate walked up to him.

 

“Hey Nick, I just wanted to thank you again for doing this.”

 

Valentine turned to look at Nate and something about the way he moved made Deacon feel on edge. He didn’t look right. “Hope you got what you were looking for inside my head. Heh… I was right. Should’ve killed you when you were on ice.”

 

Nate’s back went ramrod straight as Kellogg’s voice poured from between Nick’s lips and Deacon moved to place himself between the two. Dogmeat growled loudly at the synth, following Deacon’s lead. Nick had the strength of a Gen-2 synth and if Kellogg really had taken over then he’d be more difficult to put down than before.

 

“Kellogg?” Deacon could hear the strain in Nate’s voice even if he couldn’t see his face. He was, however, looking very intently at Nick and saw the change as his body relaxed and his face switched back to something recognizable.

 

Valentine shook his head and looked over at them. “Did you just call me Kellogg?”

 

“Fuck Nick, you sounded just like him.” Nate was clearly shaken and Deacon took over the conversation.

 

“Amari said something about mnemonic impressions and that Kellogg would fade like a bruise from Nick’s mind.” That seemed to have the opposite of a calming effect on Nate as he physically recoiled.

 

“Are you saying that Kellogg could take control of Nick?” No one seemed to have a response to that and the question went unanswered. “Fuck, Nick, please, I am begging you, go back to Amari, have her run some tests.”

 

The synth detective stood and raised up his hand. “If it’ll make you feel better, kid, I’ll go back to see the Doc. I don’t want you to worry.” Nick glanced over at Deacon, seemingly taking in his protective stance in front of their resident vault dweller. Deacon saw curiosity flash behind his eyes. “In any case, I was going to offer to come with you, but you’ve already got company and I’m sure you won’t let me tag along until this Kellogg thing gets sorted.”

 

Nate smiled and glanced over at Deacon. “Yeah, Nick, I appreciate the offer but I’m good with Deacon. Let me know what Amari says, okay? I think I’m gonna head over to the Rexford, it’s been a long day.”

 

The three said their goodbyes and parted ways. Deacon rambled on about supplies that they would need in the Glowing Sea as they walked back to the only hotel in Goodneighbor. They were standing outside the door to their room when Nate cut him off.

 

“You’re not coming with me.” He said it casually before opening up the door and letting Dogmeat rush in first before stepping inside. Deacon followed right behind him.

 

“What do you mean ‘I’m not coming with you’?” Nate sighed and dropped onto the bed, sprawling out across the entirety of the mattress. Deacon continued to stand, refusing to move until he had an answer. “Fixer, answer the question.”

 

Nate sat up and looked at him, suddenly he felt exposed. “I only have one hazmat suit and the suit of power armor that Sturges has been working on is nowhere near ready for use. I need to do this soon, D. I know where Virgil is right now and I don’t know how much longer he’ll be there.”

 

“C’mon, didn’t you know that I’m immune to radiation? Besides even if you don’t believe me I’m sure I can scrounge up a spare suit.” Deacon pleaded.

 

He hadn’t even considered the possibility that Nate might not bring him with and now that it was happening Deacon wasn’t sure how to keep calm. Nate seemed to pick up on his reaction because he looked at him questioningly.

 

“I’m going to try and leave tomorrow morning, I wanted you to run back to HQ and let them know what’s going on. Teleportation is pretty huge discovery.” He hesitated before continuing. “I’m not dismissing you. When I come back my plan was to come find you again.”

 

“Are you going alone? The Glowing Sea isn’t exactly the safest place in the Commonwealth. Last time I was there I almost became dinner for a radscorpion, a Deathclaw, and a whole slew of ferals.”

 

“I was thinking of taking Hancock. He offered to help me if I ever needed it and he’s not affected by radiation. Dogmeat will stay with you since he’s not immune either.”

 

Deacon didn’t dislike Hancock but when the ghoul’s name passed over Nate’s lips he felt a burning pressure in his chest. It made him feel raw and exposed. He recognized the feelings as jealously and betrayal. He felt the urge to flee the room to escape his emotions but instead he shut the conversation down.

 

“Well you’re in charge here.” He dropped his things by the side of the other bed and climbed on top of the mattress. “I, for one, am beat. Try and leave me a note if you decided to sneak off before I’m awake. Night.”

 

He lied down facing away from Nate, trying to calm his heart since it was pattering away in his chest at unnecessary speeds. Which meant that he missed the flicker of hurt and confusion that passed over Nate’s face at the sudden rejection. He heard Nate leave the room only a minute later and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to force sleep to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you enjoyed please let me know, comments and kudos fuel my writing fire and keep me motivated.


	20. Man Enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nate's trip into the glowing sea turns into a fight for his life.

“Hell yes I’ll join you. This tricorn hat is getting a little too heavy and I’m always up for kicking some irradiated ass.” Hancock beamed at Nate from his position on the couch and Nate plopped down next to him.

 

“Thanks, I just have to run and get my hazmat suit from Sanctuary and then we can go. I wanted to leave tomorrow morning.” Nate accepted the beer that he was handed and sipped on it slowly.

 

“You don’t gotta run the whole way over there. Fahrenheit has one that I’m sure she’d be willing to give you for the time being.”

 

Nate took another swig of beer as he realized what that meant. _I could ask to borrow it and then bring Deacon along instead_. His mind flashed to what Deacon had said that night and he frowned. _Or maybe that’s not a good idea. Deacon and I could use some time apart_.

 

Nate knew that he was getting attached to the Railroad spy, and if he was going to be honest with himself he also knew that a part of him was half in love with the man already. It was hard for Nate to decipher his feelings with Deacon so close all the time, though. For just over a month it had been just him and the other agent, _the dream team_. That was part of the reason Nate didn’t want to bring him into the Sea, he didn’t want to risk getting Deacon killed.

 

He had no idea how Deacon felt. Every day with the man was a push and pull. Sometimes he thought that the spy was warming up to him, that he was beginning to relax in Nate’s company. But then Nate would say something kind or place a gentle touch to his arm and Deacon would shut down. His outburst at Nate sending him away was one of the only real emotions that the vault dweller had picked up on since officially meeting him.

 

And the only time Nate had ever seen him without the protection of his sunglasses was when he was in the middle of his panic attack. He knew that Deacon pushed people away on purpose in order to minimize the chance of growing attached to someone and feeling the pain of their loss if the Institute attacked, but that didn’t stop Nate from feeling hurt every time Deacon put more distance between them.

 

He wanted to see if everything he was feeling was real and not just brought upon by the artificial closeness that appeared when you slept next to someone every day while traveling. Having Deacon come along with him would ruin that test.

 

With his mind made up he answered Hancock. “That’s great. With that we can out for the Sea first thing.”

 

///

 

Standing out and looking at the destruction in front of him reminded Nate of the day he left the vault. Slowly he had grown accustomed to the dead grass, mutated creatures, and general decay of anything living, but this was different. There wasn’t a single green thing for what looked like forever except for the tint in the air. The ground was demolished and unstable and the buzz of radiation could be felt even through the hazmat suit that Nate had on.

 

He shuddered to think how it would feel without the protection before nodding to Hancock and heading straight into the Glowing Sea.

 

The trip took longer than Nate would have preferred and exhaustion raced through his body as they finally stumbled into Virgil’s cave. There had been a Deathclaw outside but Nate had flicked on a Stealthboy to cover him and Hancock so that they could sneak past without a fight. He let out a sigh of relief when the creature remained sleeping.

 

Virgil was not happy about their arrival. Before Nate could open his mouth to speak the Super Mutant had lifted a pipe pistol and fired at the two men. Luckily, he was a crap shot, and the bullet landed somewhere behind them in the dirt wall.

 

“Woah there, not looking to hurt you. I just have some questions.” Nate raised his hands up in a show of submission and gestured for Hancock to do the same. The ghoul refused, but he did lower his shotgun from where it was aimed at Virgil’s head.

 

After allowing Nate to fully explain himself Virgil relaxed and parted with the information that the vault dweller needed. He sent them away with a warning about coursers and a plea to bring him the serum that would cure him. Nate didn’t tell him that he had already killed a courser and that it wouldn’t be hard to take down another, simply thanked him for his help and promised to return with what he asked for.

 

When they left Nate noticed that the Deathclaw was gone and both he and Hancock were glad, as they didn’t have much energy left. They had spent most of it dealing with that the radscorpions and stingwings that seemed to have taken over the entire area. Dealing with the Children of Atom had also been a pain. They weren’t as willing to part with information when Nate showed up in a hazmat suit toting a ghoul. Apparently both these things were an insult to their deity and it took all of Nate’s charisma to get them to just tell Nate which direction Virgil was in.

 

Hancock and Nate chatted idly as they made their way back to the relative safety of the Commonwealth. Nate was interested in Hancock’s life and listening intently as he detailed his dealings with Vic and Goodneighbor. His heart broke for the other man as he went into detail about his dealings with the Diamond City mayor and how he lost track of lots of the ghouls once they left.

 

He was about to ask if Hancock knew about The Slog when a heart stopping roar broke through their conversation. Nate wasn’t sure if it was the Deathclaw that had been outside Virgil’s cave but he quickly realized that that didn’t matter as it began to charge towards them.

 

Hancock and Nate took off in two different directions and started firing at the massive creature right away. Nate cursed as he stumbled over the rough terrain in his attempt to escape. His footing easily escaped him and he tumbled down, landing hard on his knee. He hissed at the pain but managed to gather his wits enough to push himself off the ground.

 

The dirt beneath him rumbled as the Deathclaw quickly closed the distance between them and Nate dove forward as it brought its massive claws down to attack. He rolled back up onto his feet and rushed forward using the Deathclaw’s clumsiness to his advantage. He fired off a few shots into its body as it attempted to steady itself on the uneven terrain.

 

He could hear Hancock firing from somewhere behind the Deathclaw and was satisfied to know that he was at least okay enough to continue fighting. The creature seemed conflicted as it tried to decide which one of them was more of a threat. Nate fired off more shots from his rifle, trying to calm himself enough to aim for the monsters eyes. If he couldn’t kill it, he was at least going to blind it.

 

The creature screamed out as a bullet met its mark and raised up one clawed hand to paw at its eye. Nate prepared himself for another attack but one never came.

 

Instead fear raced through him when the creature turned around and swung its arm down roaring loudly as it did. Nate couldn’t see over the Deathclaws massive body but as it turned to look back at him he realized that he could no longer hear Hancock firing.

 

Nate took off running. As he did he pulled a plasma grenade from his side bag and dropped it on the ground. He slid over the side of a small cliff and tumbled a few feet before he slammed down at the bottom. Just as he hit the grenade went off and he smiled as the Deathclaw howled in pain. He pushed himself up and grabbed his weapon, which had flown away from him during his fall, and rushed back up the side of the depression.

 

_The Deathclaw isn’t dead_.

 

This realization came too late and before Nate could dodge out of the way it lashed out. He had only enough time to turn away from the attack before the creature’s long and sharp nails pierced through the back of his hazmat suit, tearing it open and forcing a scream of pain out of Nate.

 

He fell to the ground and rolled over which forced another shout of pain to rip out of him as the irradiated dirt dug into his fresh wounds. Through the haze of pain he managed to raise his weapon and unload the last of his rounds into the Deathclaw.

 

Magazine spent Nate dropped the rifle and scrambled for the pistol at his hip. He knew that the 10mm rounds would do hardly anything to hurt the monster but he refused to die without a fight.

 

Just as he was about to pull the trigger the Deathclaw collapsed onto the ground. Nate held his breath as he waited for it to move, but as the seconds ticked on he realized that it was dead. A cross between a sob and a laugh sounded from Nate as the adrenaline and fear began to dissipate. He was catching his breath when he remembered Hancock.

 

Once more ignoring the pain in his back he rolled over and got back into a vertical position. He trudged over to where he last saw the ghoul and felt bile rise up in his throat when he noticed the man on the ground, unmoving.

 

He dropped to his knees and placed his face over Hancock’s, relieved to see that the man was still breathing. He dug out a stimpack and jabbed it into his friend’s chest and continued to worry when he didn’t wake up.  Nate couldn’t see any damage to Hancock’s body and he knew that there was nothing that he could do with the supplies that he had. He reached over and pulled the ghoul over his shoulder, he had to grit his teeth when the weight pressed heavy on his back.

 

Nate moved as quickly as his tired and damaged body would allow him. He walked for a few moments before he noticed the sound. His pip-boy’s Geiger counter was going crazy, a steady _click click click click_ , and Nate knew that the hazmat suit was no longer protecting him.

 

_Nothing I can fucking do about that now_ , he thought as he picked up his pace.

 

The place where they had entered the Sea appeared in Nate’s vision just as he was starting to go dizzy with radiation poisoning. He forced himself to stay upright long enough for the clicking from his pip-boy to stop. As soon as the noise went away he stumbled. He lost his grip on Hancock and winced as the man crashed down at his feet.

 

Nate ripped off the helmet from his suit and collapsed onto his knees. He vomited, his body’s was of trying to purge the radiation. His vision was blurring and he kept himself awake long enough to stab Hancock with another stimpack. Then he passed out.

 

\- - - - -

 

Deacon was going stir crazy waiting on Nate to return. He had managed to piss off or annoy every agent at HQ his first day back. By the end of the second day Desdemona kicked him out. “Go to the Sea and wait for agent Fixer. Do not come back here without him.” Deacon was all too happy to comply and him and Dogmeat took off nearly as soon as the sentence left her mouth.

 

He wanted to say that he took his time but that would make him a liar. He walked nonstop from HQ to the Glowing Sea except for when he took a three hour nap halfway to his destination. He knew that he would most likely be waiting for Nate for a while since it wasn’t a short trip through the Sea and back, but it was better than being cooped up in HQ with nothing to really do.

 

When he made it to the edge of the Sea the sight that greeted him caused panic to rise up in his chest. He took off in a run as he saw Nate drop to the ground and cursed when he saw the claw marks in the hazmat suit. Hancock also lay on the ground but Deacon’s focus was solely on the vault dweller.

 

Nate was pale and not completely unconscious. He mumbled out nonsense as Deacon assessed his injuries. Dogmeat lapped at Hancock’s face, whining as he did so. The ghoul didn’t move.

 

He refocused and pulled the zipper of the hazmat suit down then used all of his strength to lift Nate out. He then used his knife to cut off the arm of the long sleeve shirt that Nate wore underneath. He wasted no time and dumped out both his and Nate’s bags looking for Radaway. When he found it he quickly hooked it up and slide the needle into the crook of Nate’s arm.

 

Once the Radaway began to flow into Nate’s body Deacon pulled his partner up into a sitting position to take a look at the wounds on his back. The sight of them made him flinch. He grabbed a can of purified water and poured it over the cuts in an attempt to clear away the dirt and drying blood. Nate gasped at the pain his actions drew and Deacon apologized.

 

“I’m sorry, I know this hurts, but I have to do it.” He voiced sounded wrecked and he belatedly realized that tears were running down his cheeks. He shoved that aside, _I can have a freak out about this later_. He reached over to the scattering of supplies and grabbed a bottle of alcohol. “Nate, I’m really sorry, but this is gonna sting.”

 

He let the alcohol run over the wound and clenched his jaw as Nate whimpered against his throat. He threw the bottle aside, grabbed a stimpack, and depressed it into Nate’s shoulder. The vault dweller sighed as the stim did its job and Deacon watched as the cuts began to stitch themselves together. Once blood stopped seeping from the wounds Deacon laid Nate on the ground.

 

He was about to move on to help Hancock when Nate’s gibberish turned into real words. “Deacon?” He opened his mouth to respond but one look at Nate’s clouded eyes told the spy that he wasn’t really talking him. That didn’t matter though.

 

He scooted over to the vault dweller and slid a hand up and over his cheek. Nate leaned into the touch and Deacon felt heat rise up in his face. “Hey Nate, can you hear me?”

 

A giggle rose up in Nate’s throat and he slurred out a response. “I like when you use my real name.” Deacon’s breath hitched at the confession and the hand not cradling Nate’s face clenched into the dirt. He didn’t get a chance to analyze the words or to say anything back because right at that moment he heard a low groan coming from Hancock. Dogmeat barked to get Deacon’s attention.

 

He flung himself back from Nate and scrambled over to the ghoul who was pushing himself up. Deacon reached out to steady him and found himself relieved that the man wasn’t too badly injured.

 

It only took a minute for Hancock to get his bearings. Once Deacon was sure that the man was going to be okay they worked out a plan to get Nate somewhere safe. Deacon wanted to take him back to HQ but he also knew that that was a long walk, and all Nate needed was a couple Radaways and rest. Hancock knew of a vault nearby, one that Nate had cleared out before his time with Deacon, and they agreed that it would be the best place for the vault dweller to recover.

 

Deacon spent the entire walk thinking about Nate’s words, his reaction to seeing Nate on the ground, and his thoughts about the situation.

 

As he watched Hancock drop Nate onto a mattress inside the vault he came to a startling realization.

 

He was in love with Nate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really liked this chapter, so I hope you guys did too. Please let me know you did with a kudo or a comment.
> 
> Also, I'm going on vacation for 12 days, I will continue to post while I'm there but it might not be at the normal times. I do promise that there will be two more chapters next week, though.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	21. One More Tomorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nate gets himself into even more trouble, and Deacon has more feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize if Deacon seems out of character, but I gotta get feelings in there somehow ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Nate woke up to the sensation and smell of dog tongue lavishing over his face. He lifted up his hand to push the animal away and opened his eyes. Dogmeat sat at the side of his bed and barked as Nate pulled himself into a sitting position. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and went to stand, but his body protested the motion. His back flared with pain at his movements and he reached up to drag his fingers over the bandages that were wrapped around his chest.

 

He looked around and noticed that he was in a vault and when he caught a glimpse of an abandoned vault suit he knew he was in vault 95. He also noticed three empty Radaway packs scattered over the floor and he glanced down at his elbow to see the marks from a needle. The last thing he remembered clearly was Hancock slipping off of his shoulders and falling to the ground.

 

“Hey, boy, where is Hancock?” Dogmeat barked once and then dashed out of the room, leaving Nate alone to analyze his situation. He was undressed from the waist up and he could see the tattered remains of his shirt lying on the desk on the other side of the room. The hazmat suit he was wearing was nowhere to be seen. He was glad to see that he still had his pants and his boots because he didn’t much like the idea of running around the Commonwealth completed naked.

 

His head throbbed and his back ached, but overall he mostly just felt weak. _A symptom of radiation poisoning_. As he traced his fingers under the bandages to feel his scars the memory of his fight with the Deathclaw came pouring back. He had no idea how he managed to get both him and Hancock to the vault.

 

_Wait, didn’t I leave Dogmeat with-_

 

“Nice to see you awake, partner. Gave us all a little scare.” Nate glanced over and saw Deacon standing in the doorway grinning. “Not that I was worried, I just used my super powers to fly you and Hancock over to this joint here for some recovery time.”

 

Nate couldn’t help the smile that spread over his face at seeing his friend. “Deacon, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes.” He went to lift himself off the bed but he stumbled. In a flash the spy was next to him and helping Nate lower himself back onto the bed.

 

“Woah there, you’re not leaving this bed for a day or two. You sucked up a ton of rads when that Deathclaw ripped open your suit. Radaway cleared your system but you needed four bags to purge it all.” He pulled a can of purified water from seemingly nowhere and handed it to Nate. “You need to rehydrate and get your energy back, you’ve been half conscious and delirious for the better part of two days now.”

 

Nate choked on the water and wiped his face as the liquid slid down his chin. “I’ve been out of it for two days? Fuck.”

 

Deacon shrugged and took a seat next to him. “Your body isn’t used to radiation, not like post-war folk. It needed more time to properly heal. Now let me take a look at these bandages.” Nate twisted so that the other man could pull away the dirty dressings. He winced as the cotton pulled at the wounds which were mostly healed but still raw. “Looks like I did a decent job. Carrington likes to complain but I think it’s because he knows I could out-do him at his own job.

 

Nate let Deacon talk as the spy cleaned and redressed his back, only flinching once as a strip of bandage caught on dried blood and ripped at his skin. Deacon injected a stimpack into Nate and then paused, finished with his job. Neither of them moved and Nate was suddenly hyper-aware of everything. His partner was close to him and Nate could feel the warmth that emanated from the other man’s body. Deacon’s hand laid calm and gently on Nate’s shoulder and he shuddered when he felt a thumb begin to slowly trace patterns over his flesh.

 

He wanted to reach back and slide Deacon’s hand over his chest, let the man feel his heartbeat as it pounded. It was so quiet in the room that Nate wondered if Deacon could hear it. He heard Deacon swallow and he wanted to turn back and face his partner, but he was too nervous to break the spell that they both seemed to be under. Dogmeat’s loud whining snapped them out of their moment and Deacon jerked back like he had been burned. Nate’s mouth felt dry and not at all from the dehydration.

 

He breathed in deep as Deacon launched himself off the bed and began to talk quickly. “So, Hancock headed back to Goodneighbor, he just had a minor concussion. He also said he’d tell Fahrenheit about her suit.” He reached over to grab at his pack and pulled out some cram. “And I mean, if you didn’t want me to come with you I get that. But you didn’t have to lie and say you didn’t have another suit.”

 

Nate sighed and took the cram from Deacon went it was handed to him. He went to argue, tell him that he had no right to accuse Nate of lying, but he didn’t have the energy. “I’m sorry, Hancock told me about his suit after we had already made plans to leave. It seemed wrong to tell him that he couldn’t come anymore, like I was using him for his stuff. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”

 

Deacon flashed him a grin. “Not upset, Fixer, just wanted to make sure we were good.”

 

Hearing his codename startled a memory out of him. “You keep calling me Nate.” Deacon froze, like he had been caught taking a cookie from the jar and if he just didn’t move that he thought he could disappear. “You did it at the Memory Den and again when you were helping me outside the Sea.”

 

The spy laughed, but it sounded more panicked than anything else. “Both of those times you were unstable, either emotionally or physically, I think you’re just confused.” Nate could see the uncomfortableness that radiated off of Deacon and he dropped it.

 

“You’re probably right, sorry. Hey, can you bring me a shirt, it’s cold in here.” Deacon jumped at the chance to remove himself from the room and took off down the hall. Nate looked over at Dogmeat. “I can’t get a read on him, what do you think?” Dogmeat didn’t reply, he simply curled up at the foot of the bed and stared at Nate. “I guess I’m not the only one.”

 

When Deacon returned Nate took the time to fill in the blanks of their experience in the Glowing Sea, providing details that Hancock missed. “I need to head to the CIT ruins and search for a Courser. We should leave soon. I’ve been out of it for two days already and there’s no telling how long it’ll take for one to show- we should be prepared.”

 

“No way, Fix, Carrington is on his way here to take a look at you and ensure that you’re good to go back into the field. Until then you stay here, get your strength back, and get your ass handed to you during our nightly card games.”

 

Nate clenched his jaw and pleaded with Deacon. “I’m so close, D. Shaun is just one more sprint away, I can feel it. You can’t expect me to sit here and do nothing when I have a plan and a goal to work towards.”

 

Deacon didn’t seemed fazed by his aggression. “I know you’re anxious, but you can’t take on a Courser like this. If you die trying to take one of those bastards down, you’ll never get a chance to find your son.”

 

“Fine. I’ll stay here and wait for Carrington.” Deacon seemed satisfied and bounced over to his bed.

 

“Awesome, well, I’ve been awake for nearly three days straight so if you don’t mind I’m gonna go to sleep. Carrington should be here in the morning, so don’t worry. I’m sure he’ll give you a clean bill of health and send you out to find a Courser.” The man dropped down on the bed and rolled over, Nate waited until his breathing settled and then slid off the bed.

 

The stim, food, and water had already began to work and he felt stronger and his legs were steady beneath him. He motioned for Dogmeat to stay quiet and then grabbed his things and exited the vault.

 

Nate felt no regret for lying.

 

///

 

A bullet whizzed past Nate’s head and embedded itself into the Greenetech Genetics wall and he felt the building shudder as another grenade went off on one of the upper floors. Dogmeat was somewhere ahead of him but Nate knew that he didn’t have to worry about the canine. He waited until the Gunner across the way stopped to reload before he whipped round the edge of the wall and fired.

 

The round tore through the woman’s neck and she tipped over the edge of the walkway, falling down to the first floor. Nate ignored the sound of her body hitting the tile below in favor of sprinting to the other side of the building.

 

He kept his rifle at the high and ready as he systematically cleared room after room. Dogmeat found him as a voice on the intercom announced the Coursers presence on the top floor. The duo pushed forward killing any and all Gunners that they came across.

 

As he made it up the last set of stairs he heard the Courser talking to the Gunners that he hadn’t killed. He watched, disgusted, as the synth questioned the men before executing them one at a time. He analyzed the situation and he came to the conclusion that there was no way to enter the room without being seen.

 

He steeled his nerves and opened the final door. The Courser in front of him looked just as adept at killing as the first one he encountered. It didn’t raise its weapon and it hardly payed Nate any attention as it started to hack into a terminal. He noticed a scared looking woman hiding in the room that the synth was trying to get in to.

 

“Are you here for the synth?”

 

Nate pulled his attention back to the Courser. “No, but now that I’m here you can’t have her.”

 

He looked up from the keyboard and eyed Nate. “If you are not here for the synth then you are here for me.” He titled his head in curiosity and moved back from the terminal to face Nate fully.

 

“I’m here for the chip in your head, actually. Why don’t you be a dear and just give it to me?”

 

The synth smirked at him. “That you cannot have.”

 

Nate pulled the trigger on his weapon as the Courser went to lift his laser pistol. The shot caught him in the arm but didn’t slow him down at all. Dogmeat rushed forward and sunk his teeth into the synth’s leg as Nate shot again. Rage boiled inside Nate when the Courser kicked Dogmeat across the room. The dog howled in pain and his target disappeared.

 

_Fucking Stealthboys_. Nate looked for the wavering that would give away the synth’s position but couldn’t find it in his direct line of sight. Instead he moved so that his back was to the wall, making sure that the Courser didn’t have the chance to sneak up on him. He slid around the circular room, weapon raised and ready.

 

A burning sensation started in his back as he aggravated his earlier injuries but he pushed past it and continued to scan. He had almost made it over to where Dogmeat was lying on the ground when he was hit in the shoulder with laser fire. He followed the shots over to where they had come from and began to fire once more.

 

He could feel his breath coming in harsh and he began to regret not waiting for Carrington. His thoughts distracted him and the Courser landed another shot to his arm. With a yelp he dropped his rifle. He flung himself to the floor and tried to take cover as best he could behind the stairs. He was too slow however and the synth disengaged the Stealthboy. He appeared right in front of Nate.

 

The vault dweller reached for Deliverer and managed to get a grip on it before the Courser knocked it from his hands, sending it flying across the room. The synth raised its leg and kicked Nate’s chest sending him backwards and into the wall behind him. His skull cracked against the metal and a ringing started in his ears.

 

The synth dropped down onto one knee and gripped Nate by the front of his shirt, lifting him part of the way into the air. “You took down N9-38, he was a good Courser. I thought that this would be more difficult of a fight.” He looked bored with the entire situation and dropped Nate back onto the floor, he landed with a groan.

 

He watched as the Courser reached down and picked up his rifle, ignoring Nate in favor of inspecting the weapon. He shuffled on the floor to get his legs under him. The synth was still distracted and Nate took the chance to lunge forward, knife ready.

 

The knife was only a few inches from the Coursers back when the man whipped around. Without missing a beat he grabbed Nate’s arm, twisted it, and sank the knife into Nate’s chest. His breath wheezed out of him as he stumbled back from the synth. He knew that the knife hadn’t pierced his heart since he was still alive, but he also knew he didn’t have long.

 

The Courser simply watched as he fell backwards onto the floor. Nate could feel the blood as is slipped out of his body and leaked between his fingers. He coughed roughly and he saw blood spray across his arm. Nate knew that he couldn’t remove the knife or he would bleed out quicker. He laid on the ground frantically searching for a stimpack but his strength was fading and it hit him that he was going to die.

 

He stared at the Courser as it leaned over him. “You really thought you could sneak up on me? I’m much more observant that N9-38 was.” The synth smirked down at him and then its head exploded. Nate felt sick as the Courser’s brains covered his face and it fell over at his side. Nate looked over to see the woman from earlier standing with Deliverer in her hands. She fired at the synth over and over again until the entirety of its head was nothing but goop.

 

“Help.” His voice came out broken and strained and it seemed to make the woman snap out of her funk.

 

“Oh God,” she dropped down next to him. “What do I do?”

 

“Get a stimpack,” his sentence cut off as he coughed up more blood, “use it on my dog. Tell him to find Deacon. Pull the knife out then use one on me.” She worried at her lip before rushing over to Dogmeat.

 

_Please don’t let me die here_.

 

\- - - - -

 

Deacon grumbled when someone pushed at his shoulder. “Deacon, wake up.” Carrington’s voice was laced with annoyance and it brought awareness into his brain. He rolled over and sat up meeting the Doctor’s eye.

 

“Hey, Doc, patient is on the bed. Go ahead and do your thing.” Deacon stretched his arms out and cracked his back.

 

“Agent Fixer isn’t here.”

 

Deacon’s eyes darted over to the bed, noticing that Carrington was right and Nate, along with all his supplies, were gone. “Oh fuck.” He scrambled up from the mattress and began gathering up his things. “I told him to wait, but he’s so goddamn stubborn, he’s gone off to the CIT ruins to look for a Courser.”

 

“Why in the hell would he do that?”

 

Deacon pushed past the doctor to grab his jacket from the floor. “I’ll explain on the way, we don’t have the time right now.”

 

///

 

Deacon and Carrington were just stumbling into the CIT ruins when Dogmeat came bounding up to them, covered in blood. The canine was barking frantically and Deacon rushed over. “Where is he, boy? Take us to Nate.” The dog took off in a sprint and he followed, not caring if the doctor was following.

 

He rushed up the stairs noticing the bodies and destruction as he went. _Don’t be dead, don’t be dead, please don’t be dead_. He chanted the mantra until he made it to the top floor. When he spotted Nate’s form on the ground he felt tears start to clog his throat. He shoved the emotion down and stumbled onto the floor next to Nate.

 

A woman had her hands pressed over what looked like a knife wound and she had Nate’s blood all over her arms. “Are you Deacon?” She asked.

 

He nodded his head, not trusting his voice, and whipped his bag around. His fingers shook as he searched through his supplies for a stimpack, he nearly dropped it when he pulled it from his bag. He sank the needle into Nate’s chest. Nate’s eyes opened and Deacon choked out a sob.

 

“S’that you, D?” Nate slurred and Deacon let out a heavy breath.

 

“Yeah, it’s me. You gotta stop doing this. How many times am I going to have to save your life?”

 

Nate smiled and Deacon grimaced at the blood covering his teeth. “Hopefully never again.” He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to see Carrington standing there.

 

“Let me do my job.” He swallowed and pulled away from Nate. “Go help the girl.” Deacon tore his gaze away and wiped at his face, trying to destroy the evidence of his breakdown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, please let me know if you enjoyed. I'd love to hear what you guys think.


	22. Orange Colored Sky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deacon finally tells Nate about his past, and Nate gets to experience some teleportation.

When Nate woke up he recognized the inside of the Railroad HQ right away. The familiar sight relaxed him until he realized that his entire body hurt. He groaned in pain and tried to sit up but a hand on his shoulder stopped him. He looked over to see Carrington.

 

“You are not moving from this bed until I tell you that you can. If you disobey me I will drug you.” There was no humor in his sentence and Nate knew that he was being serious. “You sustained a multitude of injuries during your fight with the Deathclaw and the Courser, honestly, I’m surprised that you’re alive.”

 

“I’m hard to kill.”

 

The Doctor rolled his eyes. “Tell me how you feel.”

 

“My back hurts a lot less than it did but my chest hurts pretty awful. Other than that I just feel tired and sore.” He answered honestly.

 

“I’ll get you some pain medication.”

 

“Get me the good shit, Doc.” Carrington tisked at him before moving away, reminding Nate not to move.

 

As soon as he left Deacon appeared in his peripherals. “I’m not going to apologize for sneaking away.”

 

The spy shrugged and dropped into the seat next to the bed. “I probably wouldn’t have listened either.” Nate noticed that Deacon seemed off and he reached over to snatch the sunglasses off of his face. Deacon flinched backwards and Nate frowned.

 

His partner’s eyes were bloodshot from what looked like crying, there were dark circles under his eyes, and he looked exhausted. “Deacon you look like shit, what happened?”

 

The man turned away from him and rubbed over his face. “Can we go somewhere and talk? Please?”

 

It was the please that got to him and he nodded before wordlessly handing Deacon back his shades. He slid them over his face, once again shrouding himself in mystery. Deacon leaned down and wrapped an arm around Nate and helped him off the mattress.

 

“Let’s go before Carrington comes back and notices that I’m gone.” Deacon didn’t reply, just helped Nate limp to the entrance.

 

They made their way through HQ and up into the church. Deacon led him up a broken section of wall into the steeple. It was dark out and the only light in the small room was from an oil lantern off to the side. Deacon helped him sit on the small bench that had been dragged there at some point before sitting down across from him.

 

Nate waited until the silence was overwhelming before he spoke. “You’re clearly not okay. So will you please just talk to me?”

 

Deacon ran a hand over his face and looked away from Nate. “It’s been a really long time since I’ve had a friend.” He started. “And it’s because everyone knows that I’m a liar. It’s not like a make a secret of it. It’s damn near impossible to form any kind of relationship with someone when they know nothing that comes out of your mouth is the truth.”

 

Nate sat silent as Deacon talked, worried that if he spoke that the man would stop talking or lose his confidence to continue.

 

“The god honest and awful truth is that I’m not just a liar, I’m a fraud straight down to my core. When I was young…” He trailed off to let out a humorless chuckle, “a hell of a long time ago. I was, for all intents and purposes, scum. I was a bigot,” he swallowed and kept his gaze away from Nate, “a very violent bigot.”

 

“We all make mistakes, especially when we’re young.” Deacon finally faced him but shook his head.

 

“Not like this…I, there was.” He paused and sucked in a breath. “I ran with a gang in University Point, called ourselves the UP Deathclaws and for kicks we’d terrorize anyone that we thought was a synth.” The words tumbled out of his mouth quickly, like once he started he couldn’t stop. “We kept egging each other on. It started pretty small, property damage, but then it turned into more. That graduated into some beat downs then, inevitably, a lynching.”

 

He paused and looked over at Nate, seemingly waiting for judgment but tore his gaze away before Nate could actually speak. “The Claw’s leader was convinced we’d finally found and killed a synth. Looking back, I’m not so sure.”

 

Nate couldn’t believe what Deacon was saying, but something inside him was saying that the spy was telling the truth. “Keep going.” He spoke softly, letting the other man know that he wasn’t going to judge until Deacon was finished.

 

“I couldn’t get over what we had done. Every night I had nightmares about the man’s eyes, the way they bulged out of his head. The guilt was tearing me up inside and I couldn’t take it. So, I ran. I turned my back on the Claws, never told them I was leaving and severed all contact.” Nate saw Deacon digging his nails into his arm, drawing blood. He reached over and pulled Deacon’s hands away. The other man just stared at where Nate touched him.

 

“I don’t know how much time passed. I became a farmer, if you can believe it. Then, one day, I met someone. She saw something in me that I’m still convinced isn’t actually there. Barbara, well, she was…she just was.” The ghost of a smile passed over Deacon’s lips as he talked.

 

“She sounds special.” Deacon nodded.

 

“Being with her made me feel like the whole world had a chance. That maybe one day we could climb out of this wreckage. She had that influence on people.” Deacon fidgeted in his seat, like he didn’t want to continue. “We were trying for kids, looking to make a living. Then one day it just fell apart.”

 

There was a long moment of silence before he continued, when he spoke his words were watery with tears. “We were getting ready for dinner when my old gang busted their way into our home. They started screaming about how Barbara was a synth. I tried to protect her, I tried to-” A sob cut off Deacon’s story and Nate’s heart shattered.

 

Deacon drew in a breath to calm himself and then pressed on. “She didn’t know, I certainly didn’t. I have no idea how the Deathclaws found out. But there was blood. So much blood.” He shuddered as he spoke the last sentence and goosebumps prickled over Deacon’s skin. “I don’t remember much clearly after that. I know I killed most of the Claws, when I came to I was at University Point, surrounded by bodies. The Railroad found me soon after, figuring that I would be sympathetic to the cause. Considering what my wife had been, and what I did to the people that hurt her.”

 

Nate drew his eyes together in confusion. “The Railroad let you in even thought you were a part of a synth-hating gang?”

 

Deacon shrugged, still looking at where Nate’s hand touched him. “It had been so many years since I had left. And I don’t think at that point anyone knew. All the Railroad saw was someone fighting back.” When he finished he pulled back from Nate, like he was sure the man was about to condemn him.

 

Nate leaned back and considered his words. “After what happened to my family, I can understand.”

 

“I don’t even know why I lie anymore, but I can’t tell the truth. Everyone down there deserves to be a part of this organization, even that asshole Carrington. But I don’t. I am everything wrong with this whole fucking Commonwealth. You’re the only damn friend I have, but I certainly don’t deserve you being okay with this.” He ducked his head down. “I’m not even asking for you to be, but I figured you should know. You deserve the truth.”

 

Silence poured over the two men, Deacon shifted like he was about to bolt but Nate reached forward to grab his hand. “Everyone’s got a past. The important thing is that you’re trying to make up for it.” He squeezed lightly. “In my opinion you’ve more than made up for the mistakes of your youth. You told me once that you were in my corner. Well, I’m in yours.”

 

The smile he got in return was blinding.

 

///

 

Nate stared at the massive structure that loomed in front of him and felt a sense of dread and anticipation. It had been almost three weeks since Nate had nearly died trying to recover a Courser chip and the Railroad had been busy.

 

Tinker Tom had nearly lost his mind at the opportunity to decode the chip and had bounced around for hours following his success. Desdemona had dropped into a constant mode of planning and organizing resources in preparation for their mission. Drummer Boy had been running non-stop between Ticon, HQ, and Mercer trying to gather supplies and keep everyone informed. Glory had been training recruits and agents alike on the best way to take out Coursers and synths. Deacon had been catching up on his intel to ensure that the Institute wasn’t aware of their plans. Everyone had a job to do to prepare, everyone except Nate.

 

His only job was to recover from his injuries and prepare himself for the Institute infiltration. Which meant that he was bored out of his skull when Deacon finally returned from his own mission. As soon as Nate saw him he hopped up from his chair and rushed over to him.

 

“I take it the Institute doesn’t know we’re coming?” He tried to sound casual but the time away from Deacon had only made him anxious and sad.

 

The spy grinned before throwing an arm over Nate shoulder and leading him into the bunkhouse, away from the buzzing machine and prying eyes. “Everything is all good, no whispers about the massive structure being built in the middle of nowhere or the increase in Railroad recruits.”

 

The two of them dropped down onto a bench and Nate held back a sigh when Deacon’s arm dropped from him. They sat and talked for a while until they drifted off into a comfortable silence. As Nate sat his thoughts drifted to the man sitting next to him and suddenly he felt the need to tell him everything. His skin simmered with the desire to spill his heart and soul, consequences and fear of reject be dammed.

 

“On my way in I heard Tom talking, he says the machine is nearly ready.” His eyes flicked over to Nate. “Are you ready?”

 

The question brought Nate’s thoughts back into focus and he realized the mistake he was about to make. _I’d rather have Deacon as a friend than risk him running away and disappearing for good on the slight chance he feels the same and can handle the emotions_.

 

“I’m ready to find my son.” He admitted. “And I’m ready for whatever it is I have to do to make the Institute pay for what they did to my family.”

 

Deacon hummed and bumped Nate’s knee with his own, “When you come back we’ll work out a plan. You and me.”

 

Nate smiled and pressed his leg harder against Deacon’s. “We’re the dream team, D. The Institute doesn’t know what’s coming.”

 

The warmth of Deacon’s leg seeped into Nate and he backtracked in his thoughts. _Maybe he wouldn’t run? Maybe he feels the same. He did tell me about Barbara, he doesn’t lie as often, he’s changed since I met him. He’s worth the risk, isn’t he?_ He glanced up at Deacon and made his decision.

 

“Deacon, there’s something I really need to tell you.”

 

The spy tilted towards him, “What’s up, you look nervous. Is it the relay? Cuz Tom might be a little off his rocker but I trust his math.”

 

“No, it’s not that. We’ve been traveling together for a long time now. And I’ve been thinking…” He leaned forward, ready to tell him everything when Drummer Boy knocked on the doorframe and caused Nate to flinch back.

 

“Des says that the relay is ready. It’s time to go Fixer.” He disappeared without waiting for a reply, leaving Nate and Deacon alone again.

 

Nate opened his mouth, prepared to burst out his confession anyways, but Deacon spoke first.

 

“We can finish this conversation when you come back.” Nate couldn’t discern what Deacon was thinking and his mind was too scrambled to reply, so instead he went to leave. That’s when a thought struck him like a freight train.

 

_I could die, Tinker Tom’s machine could rip me into itty-bitty microscopic pieces. I could die before finding Shaun, and I could die before ever telling Deacon how I feel_. His eyes flicked to Deacon and saw the man staring at him, looking confused. Nate’s eyes dropped to the spy’s lips.

 

“Awh, fuck it.” Nate reached up behind Deacon’s head to grip him by the back of his neck and before he could protest Nate yanked him forward and crashed their lips together. At first the force of Nate’s pull meant that the kiss was much too harsh to really be called that. But as soon as Deacon’s mouth slid against his Nate loosened his grip and it turned into something more.

 

Nate was about to deepen the kiss when he realized that Deacon wasn’t returning his kiss. He went to pull back, an apology already sliding out of him when Deacon pressed forward and slotted their lips back together, using his hand to cup Nate’s cheek. It lasted only another second before they parted. Deacon’s hand was still on his face and Nate was close enough that he could see through Deacon’s sunglasses. His eyes were closed.

 

When Deacon’s eyes finally cracked open the reality of what he had just done slammed over Nate and he panicked. He jerked away, avoiding his partner’s eye and ran out the door. He didn't want to see the regret, the excuses that he knew might be waiting for him.

 

_What have I done?_

 

He heard Deacon calling his name, his real name, but he turned the corner into the main square before the Railroad agent could catch up to him. He ignored the questioning looks from the other agents as he made his way up and onto the platform of the Molecular Relay.

 

His body was still tingling with adrenaline as Desdemona handed him his rifle, Deliverer, and a bag of supplies. He pulled the bag onto his back, tucked the pistol into its holster and gripped his rifle tightly, trying not to look at Deacon who was standing at the back of the small crowd.

 

He barely heard Desdemona as she told him about Patriot and hardly registered placing the holotape with Tom’s Network Scanner into his pocket when she slipped it into his hands. Instead he was trying not to think about the taste of Deacon that still lingered on his lips or the way the other man’s hand had felt against his face when he finally responded.

 

“Do whatever it takes to get their trust, we need an agent on the inside.” Des’ words broke through the fog in his head and he managed to nod in response. She stepped away, satisfied that he was ready, and motioned for Tom to initiate the relay.

 

Just before the blue light of the Molecular Relay slammed down he looked up and saw Deacon, standing at the back of the crowd, watching him, an unreadable look written on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo, I uh, hope y'all enjoyed. I wrote and re-wrote this scene at least 10 times, trying to make you guys and myself happy.
> 
> Let me know what ya'll thought of it.


	23. Accentuate The Positive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We follow Deacon after Nate has used the teleporter, and Nate gets some bad news.

Deacon closed his eyes against the blinding light that shot out from the relay and when he opened them again Nate was gone and the massive structure of metal was completely destroyed, it was warped and melted beyond recognition. _Could Nate have survived that?_ The thought sent him reeling and he steadied himself on the statue next to him. _Did we all just watch him die?_ Fear trickled down his spine as he jogged over to where Tom was still frantically typing.

 

“Tell me he made it.” He demanded. Tom didn’t respond, just kept jamming his fingers down onto the keyboard. Deacon reached out and gripped the man by the front of his shirt and slammed him back against the terminal’s desk. “Tom tell me right the fuck now, did he make it?”

 

The conspiracy theorist scrambled against Deacon’s fingers trying to free himself from the violent grip. “I don’t know, man. It’s a one-way signal. Until Fixer makes contact I can’t be sure.” Deacon’s grip tightened and Tom pushed at his grasp attempting to get away.

 

A hand slid over his and Deacon looked back to see Glory behind him. “Let him go, he’s done what he can.” Her fingers pried at his own and slowly he loosened his grip. As soon as he was no longer restricted Tom jumped back and rushed away from Deacon. Glory’s hand slid up his arm and wrapped around his elbow. “Let’s go. You’re making a scene.”

 

She dragged him away from all the prying eyes back to the bunkhouse. When she pushed Deacon down into a chair he realized he was shaking. “Did we just get him killed?” His voice sounded small and pathetic.

 

Instead of answering Glory sat down in the chair next to him and placed her hand back over his. His shaking didn’t stop, he was too full of emotion, dealing with everything that he had felt from the moment Nate left vault 111. It had been years since Deacon had let himself feel, and even his time away from Nate following the Courser incident hadn’t been enough to get a grip on himself.

 

Since traveling with Nate, Deacon’s grip on his emotions had slipped and once he opened up about Barbara it was like nothing he did allowed him to rebuild that wall. And, if he was being honest, he had been expressing his genuine feelings since seeing Nate collapse near the edge of the Sea. Since that moment when Deacon felt tears on his face he knew that it was over. He told himself he stayed because of his responsibilities to the Railroad but somewhere deep down he knew that he wouldn’t be able to drag himself away from Nate, he’d die first.

 

“You love him.” It wasn’t a question, so he didn’t respond. “How long have you two been…together?” He knew the question wasn’t meant to be prying but it still prickled at his skin, made him feel too small in his own body.

 

He pulled away from her and stood up. He began to pace around the room, dragging his fingers through the wig on his head, and trying to make sense of everything in his brain. Glory watched him, giving him the space he needed to work through the issues himself.

 

When he finally spoke he sounded broken. “We’re not. Only today-” He cut himself off.

 

“You’re not together?” Deacon shook his head and resumed his pacing. Even with Nate gone he felt like he needed to spill his guts, and he shoved that feeling aside and flashed Glory the fakest smile ever.

 

“Look, Glory, babe. I appreciate the concern. But it’s not necessary.” As he talked the lies began to form and he turned around so he didn’t have to see the disappointment on her face. “You see Fixer and I had this bet, wanted to see if you guys would believe we were a thing. Man…” he trailed off into a chuckle, “you sure were fooled, weren’t you?”

 

He spun around to face her and was shocked to see that she had risen from her seat. Wordlessly she struck out. Deacon’s entire body jerked to the side as her fist met his face and he stumbled into the wall. He reached up to hold his nose and was thankful to find that it wasn’t bleeding. Before he could recover she slammed him against the wooden wall, he felt splinters dig into his back from the force.

 

“Listen to me, and listen closely. Do not speak.” He nodded once. “Fixer isn’t dead and you need to keep it together. There’s no telling what he’ll find there. Who knows what state his kid is in –yes, I know about Shaun- and if you really care about him, if you really love him, then get your shit together because he’s going to need your support.” She released him from her ironclad grip and he slumped against the wall. “I’ll tell Des that you need a few days to fix things here but then you’ll be expected back at HQ. You need to be better by then.” She shifted on her heel and left but before she fully disappeared she cast him one last look. “And D? I’m happy for you two, I hope you work it out.”

 

///

 

Four days after Nate was teleported to the Institute Drummer Boy came sprinting into HQ nearly slamming into Deacon in his rush.

 

“Woah there, kiddo, where’s the fire?” Deacon joked as he grabbed the dead drop out of the younger man’s hands.

 

He was out of breath but between gasps he managed to say, “Agent Fixer made contact.” At those words Deacon ripped open the package and looked down at the paper. Drummer Boy tried to grab the file from him, complaining that it was meant for Desdemona, but Deacon ignored him as he quickly scanned over the coded message.

 

Not dead.

Made it to the Institute.

Had to assist a Courser in reclaiming a synth.

B5-92 aka Gabriel, raider leader at Libertalia.

They were getting suspicious.

Can’t leave without an escort.

Met Patriot, plans in motion.

More details in holo.

-Agent Fixer

 

Deacon read and reread the message until he had it memorized. Beneath the main message was a second one, written in the code that Deacon knew, one they had made up together that no one else could read, and he ripped that portion off and shoved in into his pocket. Along with the note was the Network Scanner that he had seen Nate slip into his pack before he disappeared. He tossed the note back to Drummer and headed off to Pam’s terminal. He slid the holotape into the terminal and began to read.

 

Nate had detailed everything, excluding who Shaun was and their relation to each other. He skimmed over information regarding Patriot, Z1-14, the Institute leaders, and so much more. Pages and pages of information about the Railroad’s largest enemy and Deacon felt pride well up inside of him. He finished reading and ejected the holotape before making his way back to Drummer Boy. He tossed the runner the tape and left out the door to head up to the steeple. Once he arrived he pulled out the message from Nate and read it.

 

Deacon…

Shaun’s 60, not 10, and their Director. 

I don’t trust him.

Please don’t tell Des who he is.

I’m sorry about Gabriel.

It was the only way to show loyalty.

...

I don’t regret what we did.

I hope you feel the same.

-Nate

 

Deacon swallowed roughly and turned the paper over feeling disappointment when there was nothing else to read. He felt loss at the knowledge that one of their synths was reclaimed, it hurt, but he trusted Nate. _If he says it was his only option, then I believe him_.

 

He felt his heart pick up speed when he thought about the last two lines of the note. He wasn’t stupid and he knew exactly what Nate was referring to. Deacon knew he should burn the note, but he couldn’t bring himself to. Instead he folded it carefully and slipped it into his breast pocket.

 

Over the next couple of weeks he collected the notes that Nate left him and hid them where no one else would be able to locate them.

 

\- - - - -

 

“Tell me, what would you do when someone has stolen from you?” Nate looked up from his pip-boy to see Shaun- _Father_ , looking at him expectantly. He lowered the portable computer and shuffled his feet.

 

“I think you know exactly what I would do, son.” The last word slipped off his tongue and tasted like poison in his mouth. He only called Father that because he had been asked to. He wasn’t going to give them a reason to think he wasn’t on their side.

 

Father’s head titled and delight slid over his features. “I suppose you have. You went to great lengths to find me and I wasn’t even stolen.” Nate bit his tongue to keep from arguing that point, he had tried to before and the conversation always went in circles.

 

“You can’t just be asking a question, you must have a point?”

 

Father nodded his head and turned towards the giant glass window that gave him a view of the whole Institute. “The group that calls themselves ‘The Railroad’ has acquired several synths, sythns that had gone missing in recent months.” Nate felt dread as it coiled tightly in his gut and he prayed that Father wasn’t about to ask him to go against his friends.

 

The older man scoffed and turned back towards Nate, he had annoyance and disbelief in his eyes. “They no doubt mean to ‘free’ these synths, in their delusion that synths are somehow sentient beings.” He glanced over Nate’s form and frown. “You’ve been in contact with The Railroad so you’re aware of their misguided beliefs.”

 

He couldn’t help but jump to the Railroad’s defense. “They’re only doing what they think is right, I think that’s noble,” he caught the look on his son’s face, “even if they’re wrong.” That didn’t seemed to pacify Father as the other man took a defensive stance.

 

“You saw the synth at Libertalia, father. The Railroad doesn’t think through their plans. That malfunction is entirely their fault and the result of their selfish, short-sighted nature.” He sneered the words and Nate had to focus to keep his posture relaxed. “Usually they are a minor nuisance, but lately they have become more emboldened. Their activity has increased in the last two months or so.”

 

 _Probably because that’s when I joined_ , Nate thought. He shuddered at Father’s next words, “I’m afraid we’re reached a point where a response is necessary.” _I won’t attack HQ, anything else, but don’t ask me to hurt them_. Nate dug his nails into his palm to keep from screaming his thoughts out loud. “We have the current location of three synths, and need to re-acquire them before the Railroad can hide them.”

 

Nate tried to keep the relief off of his face, he wasn’t going to have to kill anyone. _Three synths though? Are their lives worth keeping my cover?_ He didn’t know. “We need to act soon, before The Railroad hears of our plans or moves the synths to a new location. We also do not want the Brotherhood hearing of the sythns. That would complicate matters even further.”

 

Nate said nothing, no response that formulated in his head seemed appropriate for the situation, and instead of digging himself into a hole he let Father continue talking. “A Courser will be waiting for you near Bunker Hill. He will have the recall codes and will keep you safe.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back from vacation with a renewed hatred for my job, but at least I have you guys to help me keep my motivation.
> 
> As always, please leave a kudo or comment if you enjoyed. I could really use them today.


	24. Anything Goes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bunker Hill, another Courser, first meeting as Director, and a cliff-hanger.

Bunker Hill was a disaster. Railroad, Brotherhood, and Institute alike were firing seemingly at random at anyone or anything that looked like they could be a part of a different faction. Nate had gone directly against Father and sent messages to both the Railroad and the Brotherhood, hoping to use the chaos of the fight to hide his betrayal. Instead, it seemed to make matters worse.

 

As he rushed inside the settlement he caught sight of Railroad heavies dead to laser fire. It was impossible to tell if they were from Institute rifles or Brotherhood ones. He shoved the guilt aside and reached down to grasp at the metal cover that would lead him to Bunker Hill’s underground sanctuary. Nate closed the hatch above him and hoped that the lock would give him enough time to save the synths before his Courser escort could find them.

 

He rushed past everyone, not stopping to duck for cover or shoot. He was nearly to the synths when he realized that no one was firing at him. _Benefits of being a double agent_ , he mussed as he rushed down the final hallway.

 

When he made it to the end room he was happy to find all three synths, scared but unharmed. “Don’t worry,” he said as he put his weapon away, “I’m not here to hurt you. I’m with the Railroad.” He glanced behind him and noticed that the Courser still had not made it inside. “There’s a Courser coming, so I need you three to hide behind there,” he motioned over behind a bar, “don’t move until I tell you. Okay?” They all nodded and then scrambled to follow Nate’s orders.

 

He was still trying to figure out how he was going to protect the synths when the Courser appeared at the end of the hall. He only took half a second to think before he lobed a plasma grenade at the man and took cover behind the corner. The blast shook the entire room and left Nate on unsteady feet. He heard one of the synths scream but he ignored him in favor of lifting up his rifle and whipping around the corner.

 

The Course was dead, the entire upper section of its body was mutilated beyond recognition and everywhere else was burned and covered in plasma. Nate sighed in relief and then called out to the synths. “All clear, you guys can come out now.”

 

They emerged hesitantly and Nate was glad to see that they didn’t appear to be injured. Still he walked forward and handed each of them a stimpack. He was about to explain what they were and when to use them when a voice behind him spoke up. “Fixer?” He spun around and saw Deacon standing in the hallway and joy sparked in his chest.

 

He went to rush forward but he hesitated, his communications with the Railroad had been nearly one-sided and he had never actually gotten a response from Deacon on how he felt. Instead he just stared.

 

One of the sythns awkwardly cleared their throat and jerked Nate back into the present. “Hey Deacon, got three packages for you.” His pip-boy began to beep and he looked down at it and frowned. “I’d love to help you with them, but duty calls. I have to meet with my son.”

 

He didn’t want to leave, but the longer he stayed the more suspicious it would look. “What will you tell him?” Deacon asked as Nate went to move past him.

 

“That the synths are dead and that the Courser was killed by the Brotherhood.” He reached over and slid a hand over Deacon’s arm, relishing in the touch. “You need to be careful, the Institute is pissed at you guys, and with this failure I’m worried they’ll go on the offensive.”

 

“I’m always careful, Fixer.”

 

Nate smiled at that and pulled away. “Liar.”

 

///

 

Nate could honestly say that he had never seen Father look so disappointed. As they stood on the roof and talked Nate watched his son’s face and wondered if he would have turned out just as evil if Nora and him had raised him. The Nature versus Nurture debate made his head hurt, however, and he decided not to focus on the what-ifs. He’d never actually know how Shaun would have grown up.

 

“I’ll admit, when I had you released from vault 111, I had no expectations that you’d survive out here, in all this-” Father clearly had more to say but Nate interrupted him.

 

“Wait, you released me from the vault?” Nate figured that he must have heard wrong.

 

“Yes, father, I did. I wanted to see what you would do. Would you attempt to find me, even after all this time?” Nate had half a dozen responses to what Father had said- _so I was just another experiment to you, why didn’t you come get me right away, do you even have real feelings and emotions, how could you think that this was alright_ \- but he knew that none of them would allow him to remain in good standing with the Institute, so he swallowed his retorts and let Father continue to talk.

 

When he finally made it back to the Institute he broke his hand against the wall in anger.

 

///

 

Over the next two weeks Nate spent his time equally divided between being the Institute’s errand boy and working with Z1 to get supplies and weapons to the rebel synths. It wasn’t easy, he had a Courser escort with him most of the time, since the department leaders still didn’t trust him, but somehow things were falling into place.

 

He wasn’t even going to have to kill his own son, biology was going to do it for him.

 

When Shaun first told him that he was dying, Nate was heartbroken. His son might have been evil and terrible, but some part of him was still the man’s father, some part of him still wanted to try and convince him that the way he ran the Institute was wrong. He knew that would never happen, however, so he had begun to prepare himself for the moment he killed his own child. Which meant when Shaun told him that he was dying of cancer, he had to pretend to not be relieved at the news.

 

Shaun was impressed with how easily he seemed to integrate into his new position as Director of the Institute. He acted quickly but efficiently when it came to decisions and treatment of Institute personnel and division of resources. He even managed to sneak past the Brotherhood to retrieve the part needed for their new fusion generator without getting caught or raising attention to his actions. All that was left for him to do to solidify his position was attend his first official meeting with the department heads.

 

When Nate entered the room all chatter that had been going on stopped and everyone turned towards him. He had met and introduced himself to everyone in the room before, but their stares made him nervous, he felt like a pretender in his dirty and blood stained clothes. He felt like a fake.

 

_You are a fake. Everyone in this room will probably be dead when the Railroad blows this place to hell_. He shook those thoughts away and sat down.

 

Immediately, everyone began talking and Nate took a steadying breath and tried to focus on making the best decisions. After what felt like forever he addressed all the issues and no one seemed upset or angry at any of the decisions that he made. They wished him luck and thanked him for taking his new role seriously.

 

Nate was relieved that his first meeting as official Director had gone over well. Even though he had no intentions of leading the Institute, he figured that his success might give him some room to maneuver. The meeting participants were slow to leave the room and Nate realized that it was due to a synth pushing its way into the room.

 

“Director, Sir, there’s a problem.” All eyes were on the synth and Nate realized that the man must have broken some sort of rule when he refused to wait for the doorway to clear.

 

“What is it?”

 

“You have an urgent message from Z1-14. There has been flooding to your quarters. There is a risk of extensive damage to your personal property.”

 

Nate knew that Z1 wasn’t in charge of monitoring his quarters, hopefully the scientists in the room didn’t. “Take me there immediately.”

 

The synth nodded and spun around. Nate gestured for the group to part and they listened, eyeing the synth as it walked by. _I’m going to have to convince them somehow to leave this man alone_ , Nate thought as he rushed to his quarters.

 

When he arrived he clicked open the button and stepped inside, not at all surprised to see Z1 waiting for him and no water on the floor. “What’s going on?”

 

“We have run into a serious problem.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope y'all enjoyed, please let me know if you did. Comments fuel my motivation.


	25. Right Behind You, Baby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Funny story, this was actually the first chapter I wrote for this fic. It was supposed to be a one-shot but I realized that I had begun to make references to events that hadn't actually occurred in my story. Which is how this monster was born. Now, three months after I started writing I finally get to show you guys the OG chapter. I hope you like it.

Nate didn’t think he had ever moved as fast as he currently was in his life. Z1’s message was still bumbling around in his brain as he vaulted over short walls and sprinted towards the church. “The Brotherhood of Steel has discovered the location of the Railroad.”

 

Even in his rush he had teleported away from HQ, not wanting the Institute to use his fear and panic against him. He could see smoke and ash rising into the air as he approach. Nate skirted around a destroyed car and stumbled up the stairs into the church.

 

As soon as he opened the door the stink of blood and burning flesh hit him in the face, he had to calm himself to keep from retching. He dropped into a crouch and slid along the side wall. There were a few bodies littering the ground. A few Brotherhood scribes and two Railroad agents that Nate hadn’t met before. There were piles of ash that he couldn’t tell who they belonged to.

 

_I’m too late._

 

Not hearing the sound of gunfire or footsteps Nate assumed that the battle was over and he stood, moving quickly to the tunnels. Down in the tunnels were a few more bodies, laser burns and blood were scattered on the walls and the floor. His head was spinning, the scent of death was stronger here. It reminded him of Pickman’s Gallery, all those dead bodies. All that blood.

 

As he rounded the corner into the main hall, where he had first met the Railroad team, he noticed the color silver in the corner of his eye.

 

_Glory._

 

He dropped to the ground in front of her, noticing the bright red that had bloomed from her chest, a direct hit from a Brotherhood soldier. “Oh god, Glory...” He choked on his words, running fingers up to her neck to check for a pulse he knew wasn’t there. “I found out too late, I’m so sorry. Glory, I’m so sorry.”

 

He had lost people before in battle. Anchorage wasn’t kind to anyone. Good friends, good leaders, and people he cared about and worried for had suffered and died. It never got easier. He pulled his hand back from her body, shivering at how cold she was. He wondered just how late he actually was.

 

He rose slowly, noticing that the blood stopped at her. “No one got past you, did they?” He asked, half hoping for an answer that would never come. He noticed that her minigun was gone and anger spiked up his spine. If the Brotherhood had taken it, he was going to gut them.

 

He followed the small hallway down into HQ, anticipation and fear tingling over his skin. He opened the door and sucked in a harsh breath. Brotherhood bodies littered the floor, but he glanced right over them. Drummer Boy was at the bottom of the stairs, a laser burn covered the entire left side of his face. Nate turned away, bracing himself on the wall, and retched to the side, feeling bile and Institute food substitute on his tongue.

 

As he wiped at his mouth he saw Carrington, his body was half across another agent’s legs. Empty stimpacks were on the ground nearby and rolls of gauze were dropped by his side. The agent below him was unrecognizable.

 

“Fuck, fuck… I’m sorry, I’m sorry I was too late.” He said, the volume of his own voice sounded deafening in the room.

 

He pushed off of the wall and stumbled back, towards the center of the room. Desdemona laid across their map of the Commonwealth, her eyes were still open. They pierced right into Nate’s and he had to choke back a sob.

 

Tinker Tom was next to her on the floor, rail rifle clutched in his hands. He followed the direction of the barrel over to the wall and saw a Brotherhood soldier’s head nailed to it, a rail spike right between his eyes. He would have found it funny if everyone wasn’t dead.

 

He saw a flash of reflectiveness and glanced down to see Deacon’s glasses on the ground on top of an ash pile. Nate stumbled towards them and grabbed them in his hands. There was blood along the right lens and the left one was gone completely, crushed into pieces on the floor.

 

A sob wracked through his body and he dropped down, one leg bent under him to keep him from tumbling over.

 

“I’m sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, I didn’t know, I wasn’t here in time. Deacon, god Deacon. I’m so sorry.”

 

Nate wept.

 

He wept for the Railroad, for the friends that he lost. Never again would he play poker with Glory and Drummer. Carrington would never fix a wound or set a bone. No more mission briefs from PAM. Desdemona would never again send him and Deacon out into the field.

 

Deacon.

 

He also wept for him. The friendship that was and the relationship that could have been. The kiss they had shared seem so long ago. He didn’t know it was going to be their only one. He thought about seeing him in Bunker Hill, he regretting not taking a moment to talk to him, even if it meant Shaun would have been suspicious.

 

He sat there crying for what seemed like forever, but eventually his body wouldn’t produce the tears anymore. Nate stood, body and mind numb, the glasses dropped from his fingers and hit the ground with a loud clink.

 

Nate began to gather the bodies. He dragged them one by one into the coffins under the church, burying them as best he could for now, until he had more time. He stood over the graves for a moment, lamenting the fact that he didn’t even have a body to bury for Deacon. Then he headed down to the computer and loaded up PAM.’s terminal. He filed one last mission log, detailing the destruction of the Railroad HQ, and then clicked on a terminal entry. Code name: Rocket’s Red Glare.

 

\- - - - -

 

Deacon had been trying to convince Tinker Tom that his MILAs could be hacked and used against them, since they had no security, when the first explosion went off. Drummer Boy came sprinting in through the front door just as the secret passage collapsed and Brotherhood came pouring in. Poor kid didn’t even get a word out before a laser rifle’s shot hit him in the face. He hit the ground and didn’t move again. Deacon and Tom threw themselves behind his terminal desk, Deacon pulling out his 10mm and Tom grabbing his rail rifle. He heard screaming from behind him and the constant firing of laser pistols.

 

He could barely hear Des telling Glory to cover the tunnels and make sure that they couldn’t surround them.

 

It was the Switchboard all over again.

 

Deacon swung around the desk, hitting a Brotherhood soldier in the shoulder, not enough to kill but enough to get him to turn his way. At the same time Tom, from his position by the map, raised up his rifle and shot him in the head. The scribe’s head embedded into the wall behind him. Deacon could almost hear Nate in his ear. _He’ll have a headache in the morning._

 

Deacon almost smiled, but then Tom screamed, fear blossomed in his eyes when he looked up, before his face went slack and he fell over, rifle still in hand. Deacon could feel panic welling up inside of him and he forced himself to focus. There was no surviving this by fighting, he needed to hide. He knew he’d feel like a coward, but someone had to get out. Someone had to warn the other agents, the ones not at HQ.

 

He slunk back against the wall, heading towards their firing range. On his way back he saw Desdemona, dead, sprawled out over the map of the Commonwealth. Her eyes seemed to dig into him.

 

_Coward_ , they said.

 

He dropped down behind their targets and pressed himself into a divot all the way at the back and tried to calm his breathing.

 

It seemed like forever for the fighting to stop, but in reality the Railroad had been decimated in minutes.

 

“Mark this location for later, there’s plenty of scrap and technology that we could use. Gather the tags of the dead, we’ll return for their bodies later. Clear out.”

 

“Paladin, Sir, there was one left in the corridor. Scribe Anderson put her down. She had a wicked minigun, can we take it?” Deacon’s heart clenched. _Glory._

 

“Bring it, we can solder it to a vertibird when we get back.”

 

He listened to the soldiers moving around before he heard the sounds of their footsteps disappear down the not-so-secret-anymore entrance.

 

Deacon counted to 100, then 200, then 300 after all sounds had stopped before he moved from his cover. The sight he saw was sickening, but he didn’t have time to help anyone. He knew whoever had given away their position was a double agent. Someone had spilled their secrets and that someone probably knew who Deacon was. He needed to disappear. He needed to be dead.

 

He found a pile of ash, one he couldn’t tell if it was Brotherhood or Railroad. He stomped his sunglasses onto the ground and dropped them on top of the pile. He pulled his spare pair from his pack and left through the front.

 

His heart stopped when he saw Glory. She didn’t deserve this, but he noticed that she seemed to have stopped all of the Brotherhood in the tunnels.

 

“Thank you, Glory. And don’t worry, we’ll still save them. All of them. The Brotherhood and the Institute will both pay. I promise.”

 

And with that he left, trudging out through the main doors and heading for Ticonderoga and High Rise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Nate, getting his heart broke. Poor Deacon, losing his people again.  
> -  
> If you enjoyed please let me know by leaving a kudo or a comment. They make my day.


	26. Personality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nate reconsiders the Brotherhood's offer and Deacon feels betrayed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double upload today! These next couple chapters are pretty short, I do apologize, hopefully their content makes up for it. Also, I know I usually post Tues and Thursdays but this fic is almost done so.... after today look out for one chapter to be released per day. Friday should be the last chapter and we're all done.

The mission was meant for three people, and required a Vertibird, things that Nate didn’t have. All he had left was himself, some Tinker Tom bombs, and his wits. It was going to have to be enough.

 

Nate trudged through the wasteland, mind focused on nothing but his plan to destroy the Brotherhood and avenge his friends. Eventually he came to the edge of the airport beneath the Prydwin.

 

Someone called out to him to stop. “Who are you? This is Brotherhood territory.”

 

“My name is Nathan. I assisted the Brotherhood soldiers at the police station and Paladin Danse offered to support my entry into the Brotherhood of Steel.”

 

The two soldiers on guard looked him over, probably trying to see if he was worth the trouble. They must have thought he was because the one turned heel and ran off to a soldier in power armor.

 

Power armor guy turned around and Nate recognized him immediately. “Paladin Danse.” He said, trying to lace his words with the formality that the Army had taught him.

 

“I thought you didn’t want to join us, have you changed your mind?”

 

Nate shrugged. “I was wrong, earlier, about the Brotherhood. I’ve seen you guys and what you do for the Commonwealth. I’ve decided to lend a hand to the people that are making this place safer. Also I have information about the Institute that your Elder would be interested in.”

 

For the first time Nate saw emotion cross over Danse’s face. “Come with me. Now.”

 

Nate followed Danse through the airport up into the landing pad and onto a vertibird. He said nothing, and neither did the scribe that took them up. After landing he followed Danse into the main compartment of the Prydwin and right up to Elder Maxon.

 

“Paladin Danse. Who is this? Why have you brought this civilian onto the Prydwin?”

 

“Sir, this is Nathan Cooper, the civilian who supported my recon team at the police station. He returned just now claiming to have knowledge of the Institute.”

 

Elder Maxon eyed him warily, clearly unsure how to take this news. Finally, he spoke. “Tell me what you know.”

 

Nate hesitated, he was going to have to do this carefully. He moved to a rigid form of attention and dipped his head slightly while being sure to maintain eye contact. “Elder, before I give you this information I want to be sure that I can join you. I didn’t come here to tell you what I know and leave. I want to help the Brotherhood destroy the Institute. Not watch from the sidelines. As I told Paladin Danse, I want to be a part of something that matters.”

 

Truth be told Nate had no intentions of helping the Brotherhood do anything. He just needed to gain their trust enough to be allowed to wander around without an escort.

 

Something shifted in Maxon’s eyes and he seemed to almost smile. “I think you would make a valuable addition to the Brotherhood. I read Paladin Danse’s report when he returned and I was impressed by your ability to follow direction and your combat experience. Report everything you know about the Institute and we’ll see about getting you into some power armor- Knight Cooper.”

 

Nate smiled and shifted his arm across his chest in the Brotherhood’s form of a salute. “Ad Victorium, Elder.”

 

He saw a gleam of acceptance in Maxon and Danse’s eyes, and he knew he was in. _Gotcha._ Danse turned to him and threw up his own salute. “Ad Victorium. Follow me and we’ll get you introduced and settled in. After that I’ll show you where to type up your report on the Institute.” He glanced at Elder Maxon who gave him a nod of approval before turning back to face the open window of the Prydwin.

 

After going through the standard Brotherhood first meetings, getting his suit of power armor, and finding his bunk he was finally led to a terminal and asked to type up everything he knew about the Institute.

 

He left out some key factors, the Railroad, his son, Valentine, Hancock, the “undesirables”. He made some things up, saying that the Minutemen had helped him build the teleporter. He never mentioned Deacon, just the cover that Danse had met. He left out the massacre of Railroad HQ.

 

By the end of his report he was exhausted. The panic and pain and lies he had suffered through were weighing on him, and he felt as if he could sleep for a week. He made it back to his bunk with no issues and settled down on the bed. The blankets reminded him of the ones from Basic Training. The Brotherhood was too much like the “old world” Army. It made him sick, but he knew he had to deal with it a little longer, just enough to not look suspicious wandering around.

 

He was nearly asleep when someone shook him. Blearily he looked up, a scribe was standing by his bed. “What?”

 

“Elder Maxon needs to see you, you’re on the mission to take back Fort Strong.”

 

\- - - - -

 

Deacon had managed to alert all the remaining agents of the massacre. They were all moving to a new location, trying to find a new HQ. Deacon did his rounds and then left, he decided it was time the Brotherhood was paid a visit.

 

As he walked he thought back to Nate. When he came back from the Institute he was going to see that massacre. He might even think Deacon dead. His heart clenched at the thought, but he knew that it was only temporary. After infiltrating the Brotherhood he would find Nate, they would rebuild the Railroad together. _If he even wants you_ , a tiny voice in his head supplied. _Once you tell him what happened he’ll think you’re a coward._ _You don’t deserve him. You don’t deserve anyone._ “Shut up.” He growled to himself, this wasn’t the time.

 

After hours of walking and hiding he finally made it to the edge of the airport. He was looking for a disguise when he heard a familiar voice.

 

“Good work Paladin Cooper. We couldn’t have taken back Fort Strong without your assistance.” He peeked around the wall and saw Nate standing next to…Paladin Danse?

 

Deacon frowned. What was going on? He remembered Danse and their trek through Arc Jet Systems. But why was Nate here, and what was he doing? Nate wasn’t with the Brotherhood, Deacon’s intel would have gathered that. He was there when Nate told Danse to shove his narcissistic, racist ways up his ass. So why was he here, in the Brotherhood uniform, being congratulated on a job well done?

 

_Was he the one that sold us out? Did he tell them where HQ was? Has he been lying to me this whole time?_ Deacon’s thoughts were spinning and he felt sick to his stomach. _Were we just a tool for him to use? Do I even mean anything to him? Was that kiss just a way to keep me blind?_

 

He watched Nate smile from inside his suit of power armor and he knew. “Of course Danse, anything for the Brotherhood. Ad Victorium.” Nate threw up his right arm across his chest and then turned away from Danse, heading towards a Vertibird.

 

Deacon watched him go. Feeling more alone and confused then he had in his entire life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why do I put theses guys through such terrible things? The world may never know. If you enjoyed drop a kudo or a comment, it'll make me oh so happy.


	27. I Don't Want To Set The World On Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bye bye birdie. Hello reunions.

Over the next couple of days Deacon spent his time hidden in the shadows, trying to keep an eye on whatever it was Nate was doing with the Brotherhood. He still couldn’t seem to work it out in his head. There wasn’t a lot of time where he had been separated from Nate, so when and how had he joined up with the Brotherhood?

 

He couldn’t risk running intel and asking about the airport, he didn’t want Nate to recognize him. He needed to do another face swap, but it took weeks to recover from that kind of surgery, even with stimpacks, and he just didn’t have that kind of time.

 

He had found a good location to do most of his spying. There were a few sand banks between the airport and a small island area near Nordhagen Beach. If he stayed between the walls of the ramshackle house he could remain nearly undetected while still being able to watch the Brotherhood.

 

It was nine days after he saw Nate in his Brotherhood uniform for the first time when something finally happened.

 

There was a large commotion at the airport, which caused Deacon to stop cooking the bit of mirelurk he had collected and look up. Soldiers were gathering up their weapons and taking aim at… their own airship? Deacon pulled out his binoculars and looked into the air. Partially blinded by the sun, he still managed to get a look at what was happening. Some Brotherhood Knight was shooting at Paladins, Knights, Scribes, and pretty much anyone in view. Deacon watched with confusion and interest as the Knight gripped the side of the railing and threw himself over the ledge.

 

Even with power armor Deacon knew that there would be serious injuries from a fall like that. The Knight dropped more quickly then he could follow and by the time he managed to find the person again the power armor was performing an emergency evacuation. The power armor was in a position that looked like a man kneeling down on one knee and supporting himself with his hands. This meant that when the soldier inside was ejected Deacon got a look at their face.

 

His heart stopped when he saw it was Nate.

 

Nate shot back from the power armor, ducking behind a bit of plywood and quickly scrambled up to run. Brotherhood soldiers at the airport had already begun firing at him, charging at him with everything they had. Deacon had moved from his cover and over closer to the edge which was when he saw how much damage the fall had caused Nate.

 

He was moving on a leg that was clearly broken, and Deacon had no idea how the man was standing, let alone running. _Adrenaline is a hell of a drug_ , he thought. He was still confused as to what had happened, why had Nate started shooting, and what had caused it?

 

“Don’t let him get away. He killed Elder Maxon!”

 

Deacon jerked his head to look at a Knight who had gotten a little too close for his liking. He pulled out his 10mm and shot her in the head, ducking back before he could be spotted. A shout from behind him caused him to turn around. Nate was clutching at his shoulder, a laser burn was cutting through the thick material of the uniform all the Brotherhood wore. His face was covered in grime and sweat, and blood was running down his leg in waves. He looked beautiful.

 

Deacon felt a hundred conflicting emotions and thoughts. Nate had betrayed him. Betrayed the Railroad. But for some reason he had turned on the Brotherhood? Or did they turn on him? No matter the answer he didn’t want him to die, not before he had a chance to ask some questions.

 

As he lifted up his weapon to begin to lay down cover fire he saw Nate reach into his pocket and pull out something that looked extremely familiar. It was Tinker Tom’s detonator. The one that he had rigged up for the Rocket’s Red Glare mission. He watch Nate press the button before he flung himself into the water and sunk underneath it.

 

Deacon started to run, if that really was the detonator and Nate had rigged the Prydwin to explode, he needed to get out of there, and fast. He was a few feet from the shore when the first explosion went off. Less than a second later the next two went off and Deacon risked a quick glance behind him. The Prydwin was in flames, breaking in half before his very eyes. He made it to the edge of the water and jumped in.

 

The water was freezing but it was much better than dying in a fiery explosion or being crushed beneath the weight of all that steel falling from the sky. He surfaced a few minutes later, and looked behind him again. The sky was empty, no flying HQ in sight. Deacon was pushing himself off the beach and was starting to stand when he remembered Nate.

 

He didn’t betray him, or the Railroad, he blew up the Brotherhood. He completed their last mission. _Or he felt guilt for all the people he helped murder_. Deacon shook the thought from his mind, he didn’t want to believe that.

 

He whipped around and glanced at the dark water. Nate had dove into the liquid first, but with his injuries Deacon was worried that he might have drowned. He heard a small groan from down the beach and hopped over a small sand hill. As he landed he saw Nate, completely soaked, hanging onto a destroyed car trying to keep himself on his feet. He must not have been quiet enough because Nate twisted his body to look towards him.

 

“Deacon? You’re not… you’re not dead?” Nate questioned, a bewildered yet relieved look in his eyes. Deacon went to respond, but before he could Nate’s face went slack, he let go of the car, and he crumpled to the ground.

 

Deacon sprang into action, pulling out his emergency stimpack and sliding on the ground next to Nate. He spent the next 40 minutes setting his bones, injecting medicine, and wrapping his burns. He had to leave him and go back to his temporary shelter. The location was still on fire and heat pressed at his skin until he made it back to Nate.

 

He dragged Nate to Nordhagen Beach, and the settlers were all too happy to help the man that had saved their son from Raiders. He spent three days unconscious. On the fourth day, as it was pushing late into the afternoon, Nate finally woke up. Deacon hadn’t let himself hope the entire time he had been unconscious. He still didn’t know whose side Nate was on, didn’t know if he could still trust him, if he ever could.

 

\- - - - -

 

Nate felt like he had gone head-to-head with another Deathclaw. He peeled open his eyes and groaned. He didn’t recognize where he was, but he wasn’t dead. _Maybe I got away from the Brotherhood?_

 

“Don’t move too much, you’ll ruin all my hard work.” Nate snapped his head towards the voice and broke out into a smile.

 

“Deacon, fuck, I thought seeing you was a dream. You’re really okay?” Nate’s smile slipped off his face when Deacon didn’t reply. Instead the man shifted off the wall and took a step towards him. It was always hard to read Deacon, but he had gotten a lot better at it after traveling with him for so long. Now, he was completely unreadable.

 

“Was it you?” Deacon asked. Nate frowned trying to figure out what he was referring to.

“What are you talking about?”

 

Deacon clenched his teeth together and drew in a breath through his nose, Nate bit at the side of his cheek to keep from frowning again. “Have you been working with the Brotherhood, did you tell them where HQ was?”

 

Nate’s face fell and he pushed himself into a seated position, ignoring the pain it caused him. “I didn’t, it wasn’t me, and I don’t know how they found out. I was at the Institute and Z1 told me that the Brotherhood knew where we were. I got there as quickly as I could but when I got there everyone was-” Nate cut himself off and looked away. He took a steadying breath and then looked back at Deacon. “I thought you were dead.”

 

Deacon turned away from him. “Then why were you with the Brotherhood, why were you working with them?” His voice had gone from calm to angry. Nate could see where his nails dug into his arm, a sign that he was trying to stay steady.

 

Nate sighed, he realized what had happened. Deacon must have seen him helping the Brotherhood and assumed that he had turned on him. He wasn’t angry, he was hurt.

 

Carefully he began to explain what had happened. From burying everyone at HQ all the way up until he leapt off the side of the Prydwin. Throughout the story Deacon had visibly relaxed, he seemed to believe what Nate was saying and hope bloomed in his chest.

 

It was quiet when he finished. The settlers were out working the fields and it seemed like Deacon was holding his breath, waiting for when Nate would tell him it was all a lie.

 

Finally, Deacon turned back to Nate and stepped forward. Nate lifted his hand and caught the loop of Deacon’s belt, pulling him right next to the bed.

 

“Do you know what I went through when I thought you were dead?” Nate said, voice small. Deacon gave a wry smile and met his eye.

 

“You know it’s a lot harder to kill me. Would take more than a couple of bigoted assholes to take me down.”

 

Nate couldn’t seem to smile at that. “It was worse than when I lost Nora.” Deacon sucked in a sharp breath and searched Nate’s eyes for the lie. He couldn’t find one. “When Kellogg killed her I knew that there wasn’t anything I could have done. I was trapped in that cryo pod. It hurt, seeing her murdered in front of me, but I never felt any guilt. When I got to HQ and saw I was too late, it killed me. This time it was my fault, if I had run a little faster or teleported closer or any number of things. It’s been eating me up from the inside.”

 

As Nate spoke he had pulled Deacon closer, moving on the bed so that Deacon could sit on the edge and lay back. His arm had snaked around his waist and Nate leaned his head onto Deacon’s chest. His heartbeat was steady and the sound sent a wave of reassurance through Nate. _He’s not dead. He’s right here. I might have failed everyone else. But Deacon’s alive._

 

Deacon began to shift, bringing his arm under Nate’s and sitting him up higher. He slid fully onto the bed and tuck Nate in against his chest. Nate was trying not to cry and he dug his fingers into Deacon’s shirt, pulling him as close as he could get him.

 

He felt Deacon take a deep breath and then he spoke. “I thought you had betrayed us. When I saw you walking around with that asshole Danse I assumed the worst.” Deacon’s fingers were tracing up his arm as he spoke, sending a shiver over Nate’s body. “I felt betrayed. It was bad enough that I thought you had sold out HQ and abandoned the Railroad. But then I thought you had played me, too. That everything you had done with us was just so we didn’t notice your subterfuge.”

 

Nate shook his head and pulled back from Deacon’s warmth. “I might be a liar, but I was never lying to you. I meant everything I said, and everything I did.” He said, eyes dropping to look at Deacon’s lips.

 

In a second Deacon had yanked him up and before Nate could react to the new position Deacon had pulled him in for a kiss. This one was so much more than the one Nate had given him before stepping onto the relay platform.

 

Nate relaxed in Deacon’s arms and brought his hand up to hold the back of the spy’s head. Deacon groaned against him when Nate slipped his tongue out to tease at his bottom lip. He opened up hungrily and Nate smiled, his teeth clacking against Deacon’s as their kiss deepened.

 

Deacon’s hand on his shoulder brought him crashing down as he rubbed over the laser burn from earlier. Nate pulled back with a cry and Deacon cursed.

 

“Shit, Nate, I’m sorry.” Deacon pulled him up into a sitting position and moved over him to check out his injury.

 

“You didn’t have to stop.” Nate said, his eyes gleamed with happiness and Deacon had to reign himself in from kissing him again.

 

“You’re too hurt for this right now. And as much as I’d love to have my way with you, we have more important things to do.” Nate nodded, some of the joy leaving his eyes.

 

“We need more people. The next time I go back in Z1 says him and his friends are ready. The Railroad has taken too much of a hit. We need help.” A knock on the door caused Deacon to spring off the bed. A woman popped her head in.

 

“Hey, good to see you awake General. Chow’s on.” She smiled at them warmly before nodding her head and heading out the door.

 

“By the way, where are we?” Nate asked, realizing that he still didn’t know where he was.

 

“Nordhagen Beach, the settlers here were all too happy to save their General. This is their new bunkhouse. Apparently they’ve gotten enough settlers to need more room.”

 

Nate smiled at that, he remembered saving their son. “Glad to see they’re doing alright. How about we get some food?” Deacon nodded and flashed him a quick grin.

 

“Your wish is my strong recommendation, boss.” He leaned back over to him and dropped a quick kiss onto his lips. He brushed his thumb across Nate’s jaw before pulling back. “Stay here, don’t move that cute ass of yours.” He threw up some fingers guns and then left out the door. Nate laughed and rested back against the pillows on the bed. _What have I gotten myself into?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My whole thought process with this chapter was just "kiss kiss kiss". If you liked today's chapter let me know, I appreciate any feedback y'all have.


	28. Dear Heart And Gentle People

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our boys get a little rest, and then Nate and Garvey strike a deal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are some feels in this chapter, enjoy.

Deacon and Nate stayed at the settlement for two more days, both to formulate a solid plan and to let Nate continue to heal and rest up. The settlers were starting to ask for help on their defenses and farms, and Deacon wanted to leave before they got too side tracked from their main mission.

 

He approached Nate who was tinkering with a turret, it had gone on the fritz and the friend-or-foe mode was being wonky.

 

“When you’re done with that I think we should go.”

 

Nate looked up from the mess of wires in front of him. “Sounds good, can you pack up our stuff? I’ll let the settlers know.” Nate smiled at him and Deacon’s heart flip flopped. He really needed to get that under control. He didn’t need to have a heart attack every time Nate smiled at him, it would put him in an early grave.

 

“Right-o, boss.” Deacon replied, a smile playing over his features before he turned and walked away.

 

The plan was to take Nate to what was left of the Railroad, figure out what supplies they had to work with, and then head to Sanctuary to talk to Preston. Nate guessed that the Minutemen would help, but he would have to see what it would take to convince Preston that the fight was worth it.

 

About an hour later the two boys were packed up and putting distance between themselves and the settlement. Off to the side the Prydwin was still burning, and the memory of it all caused Deacon to shudder. He had been genuinely surprised when the fall hadn’t killed Nate, but he couldn’t have been more grateful that it didn’t.

 

As they walked Nate’s fingers occasionally brushed over Deacon’s, and it made him feel happier than he had in a while. They hadn’t defined their relationship, and they hadn’t done anything physical since their make-up kiss, Deacon had even slept in a separate bed. He wanted to give Nate space to realize that he didn’t want Deacon, before Deacon fell too far and couldn’t pull himself back up.

 

Nate turned his head towards him, a new scar cut across the lower part of his cheek and it caught Deacon’s eye. “So, Dee, where’s HQ now?”

 

Deacon shrugged. “Right now we’re all gathered at Ticon, they should have narrowed our options down by now. We’ll pick one when we get back.” Deacon knew that his intel would be the deciding factor on the final location. No one wanted to move HQ somewhere where the Institute had sythns stationed.

 

“Why don’t we move it to Sanctuary? Or right nearby?” Nate suggested. “It’s well fortified, I know it’s pretty far from Goodneighbor and Bunker Hill, but the packages never went to HQ anyways.”

 

Deacon thought about it. The biggest issue with Sanctuary was that it didn’t have an underground area for them to really feel secure. When Deacon expressed this to Nate, Nate nodded and then stopped walking. Deacon turned to him, ready to ask what was wrong when Nate began to talk.

 

“You could use the Vault.” Deacon just stared. As far as he knew Nate hadn’t been back down there since he left the first time. Nora was still down there. “It’s well fortified, and right now it’s just going to waste. Someone should make use of that space.”

 

“Are you sure you’re okay with that? Isn’t she...” He trailed off, unable to meet Nate’s eye.

 

Nate shook his head. “I should give her a proper burial anyways. It’s been long enough and she doesn’t deserve to be trapped down there forever. Besides, she should know what happened to her son. And what’s going to happen.” Deacon nodded, unsure of what to say.

 

“We can talk to High Rise about it.”

 

////

 

High Rise loved the idea, and so did all the other agents that weren’t out on missions. Plans to move supplies and people began immediately. Nate was happy to find out that High Rise had sent some agents back to the church to gather all their intel and supplies before the Brotherhood could return. They even had P.A.M. up and operational again.

 

Deacon and Nate left quickly after deciding on a plan so they could run interference with Preston and Sanctuary.

 

As they approach the gates Nate felt something akin to nervousness in his gut. He knew Preston would agree that the institute was a threat, but would he feel that way enough to agree to give up supplies and bodies for the siege?

 

It wasn’t hard to find Preston, and after sending Deacon off to do some recon inside the vault, they settled down in the building they had designated as the Minutemen HQ to talk. He told Preston pretty much everything, trying to explain it in as much detail so there were no questions. The two men were silent for a long time after Nate finished.

 

Eventually, Preston stood up and pulled out a map of the Commonwealth and laid it across the table in front of them. It detailed every settlement they had, what supplies were where, and how many people they had.

 

“General that sounds like something the Minutemen would be willing to support. Many of them have lost loved ones to the Institute, many of them want revenge. There’s just something I want to ask of you first.”

 

“Of course, Garvey, anything.” Nate smiled at the other man, some of the tension melting off his body.

 

“I think it’s time the Minutemen retake the castle. It would get our main presence out of Sanctuary and allow your Railroad friends to set up.” Nate remembered Preston talking to him about the castle, but at that time he had been too busy with everything going on.

 

“I can agree to that. Tell me when and where and I’ll make sure to be there to help.” Preston smiled and then saluted Nate.

 

“Thank you, General, I’ll leave the details in your quarters.”

 

Nate saluted back and then turned away. He made his way to the vault, knowing Deacon would be there working out the details of HQ. He stood on the platform for a second time in his life, remembering the day that his life ended. As the platform lowered he shuddered as he remembered the hot wave of radiation that had shot above their heads as they descended into the earth.

 

As he made his way into the main hall he remembered the terrified looks of his neighbors and his wife. He imagined that he could hear Shaun’s cries. When he stepped into the cryo room he pictured Kellogg, and for the third time, he saw him kill Nora. Saw the way blood had exploded from her body and helplessness washed over him as he recalled the scientist taking Shaun from her.

 

Tears were on his cheeks as he approached Nora’s temporary grave. He lifted a hand up to touch the glass, and closed his eyes against the wave of emotions that crashed over him.

 

“I found him, Nora, I found our son.” He whispered. Even after all the time that had passed the air still felt cold. “He’s 60 years old and the leader of the same organization that stole him from us.” And then Nate told her everything. Through broken off sobs he detailed everything he had experienced, told her everything he could remember, and bared his soul. Eventually he was out of words and he just stood, his tears had dried and he felt lighter. He felt like a new man.

 

He heard soft footsteps off to his right and he turned, seeing Deacon. “Hey boss, how’re you holding up?” He asked, voice quieter than usual.

 

Nate gave him a small, sad smile. “I’m better than I thought I would be.” He said, honestly. “Come here, I want you to meet Nora.”

 

Deacon seemed to hesitate, and Nate reached over grabbed his arm and pulled him closer.

“Sweetheart, meet Deacon.”

 

\- - - - -

 

Deacon felt awkward, he had no idea what to do or say. He stood rigidly, looking over the face of his… boyfriend’s? _Lover’s? Partner’s?_ dead wife. Nate was still talking, but it was hard to focus on the words he was saying when Nora seemed to be staring him in the eyes. _You don’t deserve him_ , they said.

 

It was the first time Deacon had seen what she looked like, and she was beautiful. She looked like the type of person Nate deserved to have, like a kind and gentle soul. Not only was she beautiful but she was the mother of his son, Nate’s best friend. _How am I supposed to compare to that?_

 

“-and I want you to know that I’ll always love you. I just love Deacon now, too.” Deacon’s heart stopped and blood pounded in his ears.

 

“What did you just say?” He asked, voice small and quiet. For a second he wasn’t sure he actually spoke. Then Nate turned to him, eyes bright.

 

“I said that I love you.” Deacon was reeling, he knew there was something that Nate felt for him. Something enough to make him care that he was dead and to kiss him. But love? Nate loved him.

 

The longer it took Deacon to respond the smaller and smaller Nate’s smile got until it disappeared off of his face entirely. “Deacon, I know you’re not good with feelings, and you don’t have to say it back. But if you could please say something, anything.”

 

“I love you, too.” Deacon blurted out. “Since the day you came back from the Sea and I-” Deacon took a deep breath. “And I wasn’t sure you were going to live. I realized how much that would hurt. Like losing Barbara again.”

 

Nate’s smile was back in full effect and Deacon’s heart soared. Nate reached forward and tugged Deacon into a hug. Deacon looked at Nora over Nate’s shoulder and smiled at her. Her eyes no longer look accusing, they looked accepting. _Thank you_. They said. _Thank you for protecting him now that I can’t_. Deacon closed his eyes and held onto Nate, finding comfort in his embrace.

 

Eventually, agents started to show up and Deacon and Nate broke apart in order to help set up the new Railroad HQ. Deacon listened as Nate broke down the plan to retake the Castle, letting them all know that when that was done, that it was time to take down the Institute.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3


	29. Uranium Rock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Minutemen retake the castle and final preparations begin.

The Castle took three days to get to, considering it was on the entire other side of the Commonwealth. Deacon and Nate spent most of that time going over their plans and figuring out what exactly there were going to need to do to take down the Institute.

“So, once you secure the relay you’ll teleport us in. We’ll fight to the reactor room and then blow the place to hell.”

“Deacon we’ve gone over this at least a dozen times.” Nate said as he rolled his eyes at his companion.

“I know, boss, just want to make sure you know what you’re doing. Making sure you’re more than just a pretty face.” Deacon said as humor laced his words.

“Awh, you think I’m pretty?” Nate teased while he reached his arm over and pinched Deacon’s cheek. “Isn’t that adorable. I think you’re pretty too.” Nate sing-songed and Deacon blushed. He pulled away from Nate and swatted at the hand near his face.

“Cut it out.” Deacon grumbled. His face was flushed with embarrassment and Nate let out a loud laugh, earning him a glare from his partner.

Eventually, they passed through the stacked buildings of the downtown area. The Castle was huge, a concrete structure from long before even Nate’s time. The wall facing them had massive hole blown out of it and a few guard towers could be seen. Nate led them to a small building across the river from the looming structure.

There were a few people inside, all of them were people Deacon recognized as the heads of settlements. They all stood as Nate entered the building and gave generic greetings. Preston tipped his ridiculous Minutemen hat and smiled at Nate. “Welcome General, now that we’re all here we can work out a plan of attack.”

Deacon tuned them out as they went over battle plans, his only job was to protect Nate. Yes, the Minutemen had a good thing going and on some level he hoped that they succeeded. It would mean that they cleared out of Sanctuary and would leave the Railroad in peace. On the other hand, the larger they grew the more nervous Desdemona got, her worry was that they would turn against synths if their fear got strong enough. Not like she’s around to be nervous anymore.

A hand clapped on his shoulder and he jumped. He turned to Nate who looked concerned. “Hey, D, you alright? I lost you for a minute there.”

Deacon smiled and turned to him. “All good, boss, I was just thinking about the Mirelurks. What if we collected ‘em all up and turned them into the new Railroad mascot? We could train them up and get them to patrol with our agents.” Nate was smiling, all bright eyes and open features. Deacon pressed harder. “I tried to do that with some Yao Guais, they didn’t take it too well. Went all crazy and decided to run off and join the circus, left me high and dry with party hats and a hole in my heart.” By the time he finished Nate was laughing at him.

“I don’t believe you for a second.” Nate said, but the humor in his expression was all Deacon cared about. “Now, c’mon, we’re gonna lead the ‘lurks out into the main courtyard and they’re gonna shoot at them. Like fish in a barrel.”

Deacon crinkled his nose at that. “Why would fish be in a barrel?” He asked. Some of the Old World idioms were lost on him, and if he was going to be the best spy in the world he needed to know everything.

Nate seemed to struggle with his thoughts for a moment. “You know, I don’t actually know where that one came from. Sorry, D.” Deacon shrugged, making a mental note to try and figure it out later.

They moved forward slowly, giving the Minutemen time to get into their positions. As they moved into the main courtyard area Deacon noticed a distinct lack of Mirelurks, but a plethora of eggs. Nate was swinging around the West edge while Deacon went around the East. Nate crouched down near a nest of eggs and went to pick one up.

As soon as he knocked the egg out of place the ground on the other side of the nest exploded up and a Mirelurk burst out. Its massive claws reached forward towards Nate, just as quickly Nate swung his shotgun up and aimed for the soft underside of the creature. He pulled the trigger and the creature flew back, letting out a horrific screech as it went.

Then all hell broke loose. The ground shook as creature after creature popped out of the ground. Eggs began to hatch and the hatchlings began crawling up their legs, creating a very annoying distraction. On their own hatchlings weren’t a problem, but when there’s ten of them surrounding someone and daddy Mirelurk is quickly approaching, they become a big problem.

Deacon could hear the constant firing and reloading of Nate’s shotgun, and he quickly followed suit. He brushed off the hatchlings as best as he could and starting moving backwards. As he came to the edge of the castle wall he realized that Nate hadn’t followed him. Instead he had gone up, crawling up the rubble from the ruined wall and getting away from the ‘lurks claws.

“Go on, circle around to the door, meet up with Preston and help them clear these guys out.” Nate called out to him, Deacon threw a thumbs up his way and then started running towards the front.

He and the Minutemen managed to clear out the center area as Nate finished taking out the ones on the top. Nate eventually met them in the courtyard and had already given instructions to finish clearing out the nests, mumbling something about eating eggs for the rest of their lives, when a large roar sounded out from just outside the walls of the castle.

Nate met his gaze for a second before taking off in a sprint towards the sound. Deacon followed right behind him. “Why are we running towards the sound of danger?” Deacon called. “That’s the opposite of what we’re supposed to do!” He shouted.

Nate turned back to him as he continued to run forward. “And yet there you are, following me up here.” Deacon huffed out a laugh and followed Nate up the destroyed section of wall. As he pulled himself up he nearly ran right into Nate who hadn’t moved away from the edge.

A Mirelurk Queen stood in the semi-shallow section of the lake, water poured off her body in rivets, and she looked pissed. She had to be have been at least 15 feet tall, its head would reach the top of the castle walls. The giant creature swung around to face the castle and as she saw the two of them she roared, load and impressive, before shooting a stream of acid at them. Nate jumped off to the left and Deacon jumped right, both of them just quick enough to avoid being hit by her corrosive fluids.

“Do you have anything to kill it with?” Deacon called to Nate, who was pushing himself off the ground and swinging his bag in front of him. Instead of answering he chucked a plasma grenade at Deacon, followed by two frag grenades.

“Distract her, but stay away from that acid, I need to get my missile launcher from Preston!” Deacon nodded in understanding and started to sprint across the top of the wall, shouting at the monster as he went.

“Hey, ugly! Over here!” As he made it to the corner of the wall he whipped a grenade over towards her. It landed a little short, exploding a few feet from her legs. It was enough to get her attention, however, and she turned away from Nate and started to move to him. He threw himself under the edge of the wall to avoid another wave of acid. He didn’t know how long Nate was going to take, and he also knew by the shaking that the Queen was getting closer.

He peeked over the edge long enough to throw the plasma grenade, she was only about 40 feet from him. He heard it explode after he ducked back down, and he also heard the gut pounding screech that the Queen let out, he must have hit her.

 _Where_ _is_ _Nate?_ He thought as nerves prickled under his skin. The Queen had to be right next to the wall now and he knew that at this distance the grenade would do damage to him too.

As he was working out how exactly he was going to die, he heard Nate’s voice from behind him. “Deacon, get back, I’m gonna blow her to hell.” Deacon scrambled backwards, sprinting out of the explosion zone, and dropped behind a group of stones. He leaned out and watched as Nate fired the missile launcher, the kickback causing his body to jerked back. The missile soared through the air, whistling as it went, and Deacon felt a burst of pride as it hit the Queen right in her sensitive face. Deacon jumped out of cover and ran forward, lobbing his last grenade. It landed dead center on her soft belly area and exploded. The deafening screech that the creature was letting out cut off halfway. Deacon and Nate stood watching as she fell, dead, and rolled back into the water.

“Fuck… that was awesome!” Nate screeched, swinging to face Deacon. He had to duck under the weapon, lest it smack him across the face. Nate had been waiting for a chance to use the heavy weapon, lugging it all over the Commonwealth with the hope that he would finally be able to fire it. Deacon smiled, and glanced over at the Queen.

“I’m telling High Rise there were three of them, and I took one down with only a knife and a Molotov.” Nate rolled his eyes and then leaned forward, brushing a quick kiss to Deacon’s lips. Deacon glanced down at the courtyard, but none of the Minutemen were paying them any mind.

“C’mon, the sooner we clean up this place, the sooner we can take down the Institute.” Deacon nodded and then followed Nate off the wall and into the new Minutemen Headquarters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter to go, I hope y'all are as excited as I am.


	30. Atom Bomb Baby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the last chapter! Have fun ^-^

Father laid in his bed, staring out the large window to his left. Scientist and synths milled about, living their lives without much of a care now that the fusion generator was up and running. He wanted to be down there with them, experimenting and using the new influx of energy to work on projects that he couldn’t before. Instead he was laid up, disease ridden, and dying.

 

He raised his hand and pushed a small red button, immediately a synth rushed in. “Yes, Father, do you need assistance?”

 

Father went to speak but a rough cough tore from his throat instead. The synth dashed over, placing a clean cloth into his waiting palm. He dabbed at his lips and then turned to the synth.

 

“Bring me Shaun.”

 

The synth nodded her head. “Of course.”

 

Father was excited about this project, the last one he would probably ever do. It was a gift, to his own father, to be the son that he couldn’t. He saw the way Nate looked at the children in the Institute, saw the longing in his eyes. At first, the child was merely meant to be an experiment of emotional distress, but when he saw the sadness that crossed over Nate’s face he knew that it could be more.

 

It wasn’t hard for Father to see that Nate had been angry when he learned that he had been the one to release him from the vault. He could even understand why. The Commonwealth was a terrible place, and instead of being there to meet him when he thawed from cryo, he had used Nate as another experiment.

 

The one thing Father didn’t understand is why Nate couldn’t see that it was for the greater good.

 

Everything that he had done so far as Director of the Institute was for the greater good, he never did anything without a reason. He never had a family of his own, too dedicated to the improvement of the synths. He considered them to be his children, of sorts. He knew they weren’t real people, but they had his base DNA, they wouldn’t exist if it wasn’t for him. Which is why Nate was so important to him, why he wanted this synth, this boy, to be ready when he returned.

 

The department heads were worried, Nate had been gone for nearly two weeks, with no contact, but X6-88 had reported that he was running intel on the Brotherhood of Steel. Father was glad to see Nate taking initiative, and had managed to calm the others down.

 

_I’ll need to have a word with him about keeping everyone informed of his workings_.

 

“Father?”

 

He glanced over to see Shaun standing with the synth. He smiled at the boy, who look confused as to why he had been summoned.

 

“Help me to my desk.” He ordered. The synth moved quickly, leading Father to his work chair and making sure that he was properly secured before stepping back.

 

“Will there be anything else, Father?”

 

He shook his head and dismissed the synth. “Return in an hour to take Shaun back to his room. Be sure to bring lunch for him.”

 

The synth nodded in understanding and left. Once the door was shut the whole way Father waved Shaun over to him. The young synth made his way over and stood in front of him. Father reached over and lifted up his personal brain scanner. When Shaun saw it he flinched, but stayed where he was.

 

“I know this hurts, but I promise it will be worth it.” Instead of placing it on Shaun’s head he sat it on the desk next to him. “Do you remember the man that came into your room?” Shaun nodded, he wasn’t allowed to speak out of turn. “That man really was your father, this machine will help you remember him.” Father looked down at the boy. It was hard for him to see Shaun as another synth, since he was looking into his own face. This disconnect in his heart caused him to hesitate. “Would you like that?”

 

The boy at his feet started to smile, he had never been asked if he liked something before. School wasn’t his choice, he wasn’t allowed to decorate his room, and he never got to play with the other kids. He even had math and science lessons during meal times. As quickly as the smile started, it stopped. Father knew that the boy had been conditioned to hide all emotion, the department head’s way of treating him like any other synth, but this one was special, and Father was sick of it.

 

“It’s okay to feel things, Shaun, you won’t get in trouble with me. You can also speak freely, as long as we are the only two in the room.”

 

Shaun’s eyes darted across the room, looking to make sure they were alone. When he faced back towards Father he smiled, eyes bright. “I want to remember my dad. Please.” The please was tacked on, but Father was delighted to see that the lessons on manners and etiquette seemed to have stuck. “I don’t mind that it hurts anymore.”

 

Father couldn’t help the warmth that bloomed in his chest at those words. “Get up on the chair then.”

 

Shaun moved right away, scrambling up on the tall chair before twisting around to face him again. Slowly, Father moved. He was tired and weak but he would push himself as hard as he needed to, this was a present after all. He carefully placed the neural scanner on top of Shaun’s head and secured the straps. The boy’s eyes were covered with a small screen, but he still wore a timid smile. Father pressed a few keys on his terminal, loading up Shaun’s programming before he started.

 

The act of changing the code didn’t hurt, at least as far as Father could tell, so he took his time rewriting Shaun’s childhood, dropping hints and false memories of Institute scientists talking about Nate, about his adventures through the ‘Wealth. When he was finally done he placed a hand on Shaun’s knee. The boy jerked at the touch but relaxed quickly after. “Is it time?” The boy’s voice was small, scared, but he held his shoulders tight, trying to be brave.

 

“Yes, it is time.” Father turned away from Shaun and initiated the memory alteration. He tried not to care as Shaun whimpered in pain but he still breathed a sigh of relief when the process finished.

 

He removed the machine from Shaun even more carefully than when he had placed it on him, and handed the boy a tissue to wipe the tears off his face.

 

“Shaun?”

 

“Yes, Father?”

 

“Tell me about your dad, what do you remember?”

 

Delight slid into his gut as the boy began to talk, animated, about Nate and what he had been told about him by the Institute. Once he was finished he looked over at Father, he seemed to hesitate. “May I ask you a question?” Father nodded. “Am I… am I a synth?”

 

Father closed his eyes and pursed his lips. “Who told you that?” When he opened them again Shaun looked scared.

 

“No one told me that! I swear! I just, I’ve noticed things.”

 

Father sighed before reaching out. Shaun took his hand and let himself be pulled into the older man’s lap. “Tell me what you have noticed.” As he waited for Shaun to speak Father began to run gentle circles onto Shaun’s back. The boy was beginning to panic and he knew this was the best way to keep him calm.

 

“I’ve just noticed that the scientists treat me different than the other kids. I’m not allowed to play, or have fun. I can’t smile or laugh. It reminds me of the way they treat the synths.” He spoke quietly, like Father might reprimand him for his observations.

 

“They don’t let you play because you’re being trained to take over as Director.” This sentence seemed to shock the boy because he looked up, eyes wide. “You will, one day, take over for your dad, when he is too old. We don’t have time to play or have fun. We are responsible for leading the Institute and making sure that it survives as long as possible. This is why you have extra lessons and little to no breaks, there is much you must learn before you can be properly trained.”

 

His words seemed to soothe Shaun because he relaxed. “I didn’t know.”

 

“If we had told you, you might not have tried hard enough. But don’t ever believe that you’re a synth, you’re a real kid. Understand?” Shaun nodded his understanding and Father moved to let him slide back on to the floor. “Your escort will be back soon, remember, you can only be open with me. When your dad returns you can be open with him, as well, but only if you are alone. Do I make myself clear?”

 

“Yes, Father.” He offered up a rare, genuine, smile to Shaun.

 

A few moments later the doors opened and the synth from earlier entered. She helped Father back into bed before escorting Shaun out of the room. Father watched them go, satisfied that his final project was complete. All that was left now would be to present the child to Nate. He hadn’t been excited about much of anything in years, but he could feel the anticipation as it settled heavy in his gut.

 

///

 

Shaun was scared. For the last half hour he had been able to hear gunfire and screaming. A few minutes ago the emergency evacuation alarm had sounded, but he was still locked in his room. He paced the floor, looking for a way out, even though he knew there wasn’t one. He attempted to steady himself, but his emotions were overwhelming him. He wanted to see Father, but most of all, he wanted his dad.

 

The door to his left opened and relief washed over him when he recognized his escort. “What’s going on?” He asked, forgetting that he wasn’t allowed to speak. He wasn’t corrected or reprimanded, however, and he figured that now wasn’t the time to worry about proper manners.

 

“Come with me, we must go to Father.”

 

His room door opened and he rushed over. He reached up and grabbed the synths had, she seemed startled by this but, once more, she didn’t correct him. He had to run to keep up with her fast pace as she led him down the hallway to Father’s room. When they entered Father was lying on the bed and he looked very ill. Shaun didn’t realize how bad his disease had gotten.

 

“Shaun, come here.” He released the synths had and moved to stand next to the bed. “The Institute is under attack, and I need you to go. I need you to find your dad and give him this.” Father pulled a holotape out of his pocket and placed it in Shaun’s hands. “Remember what we taught you.”

 

Shaun could feel tears prickling at his eyes, but he wasn’t alone with Father, he wasn’t allowed to do that. “I will.” His voice was thick with emotion and Father smiled at him.

 

“Leave me now.” He didn’t want to go. He wanted to stay or to bring Father with him.

 

He went to argue but the synth behind him wrapped a hand around his shoulder and drug him backwards. She made him place the holotape in his pocket so that he wouldn’t lose it, and then they were running again. He could do nothing but follow as she dragged him through the hallways and down to the elevator.

 

When they made it into the lobby she squeezed his hand tightly and placed her hand over his eyes. “You don’t need to see this.” He didn’t tell her that he could still see the ground under his feet, and the blood that covered it. She didn’t remove her hand until they were in the relay room. When he was finally able to see he saw a man in coveralls standing at the relay terminal and a large group of people waiting to leave.

 

“Sturges, can you hear me? It’s done, pull us out.” He watched, mesmerized, as figures began to teleport into the room. His escort once more pulled him forward and he followed as she walked up to the man at the terminal.

 

“Excuse me? Where is Nathan Cooper?”

 

The man whipped around and stared them down. “Who are you?”

 

“My designation is K5-02, and this is Shaun, Nate’s son.” The man’s eyes went wide.

 

“Oh boy, okay. Uh, just stay here. The General, er, um, Nate’s not here yet.” He turned back to the computer and began typing frantically and muttering to himself. Shaun tried to listen but the man’s voice was too low to be heard. K5 pulled him off to the side to wait and he shuffled impatiently.

 

More and more people teleported into the room and were immediately pushed into the telepad, they disappeared with flashes of blue light. Shaun was about to give up hope that he would ever see his dad when he finally appeared. He jumped off the wall and rushed over to where his father was standing, just before he could shout out for his attention a hand clamped down on his shoulder. He looked up to see the man in the coveralls.

 

He glanced back and saw that his dad was about to walk onto the telepad. “Wait a minute. This kid showed up. He says he’s the General’s son.” Joy sparked in him when his dad turned around but it turned to anxiety when his father didn’t smile back at him.

 

“Dad? You’re not going to leave without me, right? I want to go with you.”

 

Shaun watched as a flurry of emotions passed over his father’s face. “Why… why did you call me dad?”

 

“Huh? Because you are?” He didn’t understand why his dad seemed confused. He watched a man in sunglasses lean in to whisper something to his father. He didn’t know what was said but something changed in his dad’s face. The man pulled away and then Nate dropped down in front of him, kneeling so he was at Shaun’s eye level.

 

“Right, yes, of course I’m your dad. Sorry if I looked confused, I just didn’t think you were here.”

 

Shaun felt tears prick at his eyes. “I thought you forgot about me.” He reached up and wrapped his arms around his father’s neck, pulling him in for a hug. He had never been hugged before and he found that it made him feel safe and protected.

 

“I’d never forget about you.” Nate pulled back and ran a hand over Shaun’s arm. “I need you to go with Sturges. He’ll bring you somewhere safe and then I’ll come get you.”

 

“You promise you’ll come get me?” Nate smiled at him and Shaun relaxed.

 

“I promise. Now go, okay?”

 

He nodded and stepped back, letting his dad move to the telepad. He watched him lace fingers with the man in the sunglasses, who smiled at the contact, then he disappeared in a flash of light. Shaun then moved to stand next to the man named Sturges, he placed one large hand on Shaun’s head and ruffled his hair. Shaun wasn’t sure how he felt exactly with all the new forms of affection, but he knew that he didn’t mind it.

 

A few minutes later he stood where his father had and in a blink he was no longer in the Institute. The bright light from the sun was blinding and he raised a hand to cover his eyes. From under his palm he watched Sturges kneel next to him, his smile was warm and friendly. “Welcome to Sanctuary, kid, your new home.”

 

As his eyes adjusted to the change in light Shaun found that he wasn’t scared, he knew Nate would come for him, all he had to do was wait a little longer.

 

///

 

Nate stood, feeling numb, as the wind from the explosion rushed over him in a massive wave of air, debris, and radiation. His hand was still on the detonator and the metal felt scalding under his fingers. He could hear cheers from the Minutemen, synths, and surviving Railroad agents behind him, but he couldn’t find it in himself to be happy.

 

He felt fingers brush over his elbow and he turned to see Deacon standing next to him.

 

“I know that you don’t see it right now, but this is a victory.” He spoke softly, like Nate would spook if he talked any louder.

 

Nate turned back to the destruction in front of him before responding. “I’ve got too much blood on my hands for this to feel like a victory.” His voice was solemn, quiet, defeated. “I found my son, and I killed him. I gained another son, who doesn’t know he’s a synth and will never grow up.” He let out a humorless chuckle. “I thought the sex talk was gonna be hard, how do I have the ‘you’re never going to look any older than 10 because you’re not what you think you are’ talk?”

 

Deacon spun Nate around to look him in the eyes. “We’ll figure that out when we get there. Okay?”

 

Nate startled at that. “You’re staying? You want to help me raise Shaun?”

 

Deacon smiled. “I thought I missed out on my chance to be a father. I want nothing more than to be there, for the both of you.”

 

Nate reached out and pulled Deacon into his arms, clinging to him for support. Slowly Deacon’s arms lifted up and wrapped around him, tightening to keep him in place. “I love you.” Nate whispered into Deacon’s ear. “I’m not asking you to stay tied down in Sanctuary, I know you feel safer on the move. But please, don’t run away.”

 

Deacon lifted his head and pressed a kiss to Nate’s cheek. “I’m not going anywhere.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all folks! Thank you for coming on this journey with me, whether you've been here since chapter one or you discover this five years after I write it. I appreciate every comment or kudo that has been left for me.
> 
> I don't know if there will be any other pieces of this fic, because as of right now I'm satisfied with how it ended, but if you enjoy my writing I've got a few other fics in my works, feel free to check those out and enjoy. If you ever want to stop by and say hi I do have a [Tumblr](https://randomwordsandstormydays.tumblr.com) and I love getting asks about Fallout.
> 
> Again, thank you for taking the time to read my fic, it means the world.


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